For thinking of speaking to this school mum

All you can do is tell your son it’s a load of showing off and that these other boys don’t even know what “ gay “ actually means .
Then let school know this is happening.
My girls when they were young were the types to step in and intervene tell the boys off and say they don’t know what they’re talking about

If you think I'm defending homophobia then you clearly have comprehension issues. Quite the opposite in fact if you bothered to read properly.

The boy won't be spoken to. The incident wasn't witnessed and the word wasn't used to bully your son. The school has nothing to go on that can justify a targeted punishment for the child. Homophobic/racist/other ist language is addressed and covered regularly in school. So it won't be deliberately inserted into a lesson this week if you report it. There isn't room in the curriculum to do that kind of thing, based on one boy using the word gay.

I'm not condoning the behaviour for her minute, but really, this isn't something that is going to be picked up in the way you think. I'd leave it.

ETA oops. I missed a page

Except now it's illegal. And persistent offenders in school are excluded. There is no excuse for homophobic, transphobic or sexist comments in school -- or anywhere else for that matter.

If you consider how much technology has moved on in thirty years, we have made similar leaps in the ways we treat others in the past thirty years. It wasn't acceptable thirty years ago - and it's even less acceptable now.

Your attitude makes you sound on the defensive towards homophobia, transphobia, sexism, racism and misogyny.

Perhaps you failed to notice that 30 years is not that long in the grand scheme of things and some things are clearly still an issue, hence this whole post??

Hi,

it isn’t great no. But it will not achieve anything to talk to anyone. Why would you want to talk to the mum?? Or the school?

you being defensive will make your son a difficult life. There are assholes out there. Going and tell them they are while literally nothing happened will backlash on you…and your son.

I hope you feel better though. Teach your son to be strong whilst receiving (even if not aimed directly) bad comments. It won’t stop anytime soon.

Good luck 🌺

Honestly, I blame Andrew Tate. He is always using the word "gay" as an adjective.

Perhaps you failed to notice that the '90s were thirty years ago?

Not in the 90s it didn't. I remember homophobic slurs being slung around like mad and if the target dared to complain about it they'd get in trouble for it. I suspect Section 28 had something to do with that but it's no excuse.

Not necessarily, they could have picked it up from other kids. Peer pressure is a real thing.

Being transgender is absolutely not acceptable to this kind of child. What on earth makes you think it is? The murder of Brianna Ghey is an extreme example of it not being the case but the lives of other trans children are made miserable at school daily.

Again I'm looking for you to present facts rather that the fictional examples you are using to derail a concerned parents thread. Did you forget this is a forum for parents?

If you want to discuss hypothetical situations you need to start 👏your 👏own👏thread👏

Why do the men that post on here never take women seriously?

You ought to be wary from a safeguarding point of view about who’s running the school choir I suspect he’s aware of a few documentaries that’s why he made that comment. Don’t say anything to the other parent unless you’re looking for war

That attitude is right up there with telling women not to wear provocative clothing and getting drunk to avoid being raped.

Posted too soon- it's also entirely possible to be gay and in the army. Or gay and masculine.

They probably don't, but that's exactly why they should be educated. And you knowing a singing soldier is irrelevant.

Yes and there’s some nice stereotyping going on from the OP herself about these “types of boys” or words to that effect.

I do think you need to talk to the school about this. A similar thing happened at my DC's primary school, it was also the 'cool' football boys that used the word in that way as well, the school were really good.
They reiterated behaviour expectations and rules and how to be kind.

I have a part-of-the-football-pack child and a gay child (teenagers now). IME this type of talk is still, horribly, rife among all kids - particularly, though not exclusively, sporty boys.
Kids say all sorts of things their parents would be horrified about - not necessarily fair to blame the parents (though of course some have a lot to answer for). I think it's definitely one to talk to school; they will want to know and won't need to bring your child into it at all.
Incidentally, I think attitudes like your DH seems to be displaying, of not wanting to highlight homophobia, stem from a fear that if you do, it'll make people thing your son is gay. Calling out homophobia can feel hard to do for this reason (plenty of experience talking about this with my footbally kid), but that doesn't mean it's not the right thing to do. (Apologies if I'm way off the mark based on a single sentence on here!)

Based on your DS's response, I'd discuss the conversation heard with the school (if they are generally approachable), without naming names.

Still waiting for your evidence……

I’ve not suggested anything of the sort. I like to stick to the facts presented by OP.

Fell free to start another thread about your own projections so you don’t derail this thread.

But you’re suggesting that all children who use the word ‘gay’ as an insult come from homophobic, unenlightened households with ‘anti-gay’ agendas. What a lovely little simplistic world you live in.

The boys OP is referring to are indeed not teenagers but no doubt have heard the slur used elsewhere in their life rather than from a homophobic mother. Just because they are using this language doesn’t mean the parents are bigots.

A while ago my 6 year old son went through a phase of wearing leggings to school for PE. He got teased by two boys who kept telling him they were for girls and he looked silly. One of the boys has gay parents.