To be worried about 3yr olds new dad

a weekend away would be fine, but 12 days is really long and for a 3 year old will feel like an eternity. I was a single mum and used to long for some time to myself, my child used to have a couple of days away at their grandparents and I just used to sleep! There was no way I could or would have left them for almost two weeks even with their grandparents for such a long time at such a young age.

Couldn’t agree more.

Is this real?

Then she needs to get her shit together for her child's sake. I left abuse from my son's father and managed to still be a present parent. You don't get to "escape" when you've got kids that you brought into the world.

I think, if your friend went on holiday instead of seeing her child go to school, she's a cunt.

Hope that helps.

Mum may blame the child in this scenario. I hope the nanny makes it very clear that she is not leaving because of the child.

I can’t imagine doing this. Jesus I feel guilty about putting them in afterschool club once in a blue moon. How she can piss off for 12 nights and leave her baby with a Nanny is beyond me.

YANBU, extremely selfish and horrible behaviour, I am a lone parent myself. Nothing on this earth would have ever made me miss my child's first days at school and never in his life have I gone away for 12 nights.

Your friend is the problem, putting a man before her child. Vile

Poor kid, not financially I assume, but not having your mum around and no dad is hard. I assume boarding school will be next on the to do list.

This is what my parents did when we were small, didn’t realize how much it affected me until I was older

I can’t see how this is a problem with the new partner. He’s made his feelings known and your friend has chosen to persue the relationship regardless. You say the child is much wanted- doesn’t sound like it to me. 12 days away and raving about child free life suggests the maternal bond is weak. Please stay in this child’s life. Sounds like she needs some stability.

Do you think the timing of the trip is deliberate on his part? Agreed that she's the one making the decision to go, but do you think he's done that deliberately? Place her in a position of choosing him or the child?

The nanny will, one assumes, be relying on a reference from this job, though…?

Social services won't do anything, except perhaps to speak to her. However it should be noted as a red flag. The hope is that this will be the only one. However if there are more the first will help to indicate a pattern.

The mum sounds as if she flits from one enthusiasm to another. First having a child, then the new man. Unfortunately babies are for life, and require you to put them first.

When mine were little, there were a lot of nannies around and two particularly good nannies confided in me about problems at home. I had not known details but given both families went through nannies at an extraordinary pace (over 20 each by the time the eldest left primary) I was not surprised at their revelations. I think I was used as a sounding board as they tried to justify to themselves that they needed to leave even though they were concerned about the child/children. Thinking about it now the elder child in both families has wound up as a damaged adult. A conviction for sex offenses in one case.

This

Horrible situation.

I'd present it to your friend in the first instance as 'I was having a bit of a heart to heart with X (the nanny) and I'm worried that she might be thinking of leaving because of the workload'. That might focus her mind.

At the same time, I'd call social services just to make them aware.

I think I’d be offering to take the child for a night over the weekend to give the Nanny a break.

What does her family think? Poor child

I accidentally hit yabu , but of course yanbu. I've been a solo parent since the birth of my DD(7) and didn't leave her overnight until she was 4. My mum takes her away every year now for 4 days with her cousins, by day 3 I'm lost and miss her so much. I couldn't ever imagine doing what your friend has done, especially after going through IVF to have the child. Moving the man in sounds like a huge mistake and I'd definitely be having words if it was my friend.

Little girls living with men that don't like them or want them around have terrible lives....

Don't say anything. This child will need you even more once nanny leaves. They say that having an adult who loves and supports you can mitigate adverse childhood experiences. You will need to be that adult, so don't fall out with mum.

Awful mother.

This is a really good idea. Poor little girl. Maybe tell the mum her dd has been really clingy to you and upset.

yanbu to be concerned but yes it would be friendship ending to voice a concern at this stage.

Just a general objection / criticism of her boyfriend is not going to go down well. You could tell her about the child asking for hugs, wrapping it up as the child missing her very and being very very happy she’s home. Hopefully it will make her think. You need to be subtle I think. But also, if something specific and concrete happens that concerns you, yes you should speak up.

I have a friend well ex friend who always has put men ahead of her kids. I said something and it ended the friendship. One day she was telling me how she had, had a fight with her parents because they'd told her to stop putting men ahead of her kids and she wanted me to take her side and I couldn't, her parents where 100% right. Although we where good friends I couldn't be around and feed into someone's desperate delusions like that she genuinely couldn't see what she was doing was wrong and she'd act like a desperate school girl around men it was embarrassing to see and they'd usually be really shitty abusive men who prey on women like this.