To be worried about 3yr olds new dad

I think you're being harsh by blaming him, it's not his child, I personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who chose me over there child, I'd have zero respect for them.
Your friend is the one who needs to get her priorities straight, it will probably make know difference but for the little boys sake I think you should speak to her.

I know a Nanny who worked for a 'family' like this -
Can't be too outing, but the little girl as a teenager actually committed suicide.

Wealth can mean your child can basically be put out on ''full livery'' and only bothered with occasionally.

Edit... Nanny and Boarding school and Nanny on holidays as well.

Absolutely agree with this, was going to post in similar fashion.

That's awful!
Are the poor children looked after by their Dad?
So she only cares for the latest child and its father?

It's far too easy for people to have children that they just don't deserve.

I don’t know a single high earning parent who was ever at their child’s first week of preschool. It’s normal in certain circles for the nanny to do it

I don’t know what she’s done wrong? She’s a wealthy woman who’s using professional childcare to holiday with her partner. Yes it’s a bit weird she chose to do this on child’s first week in preschool but she hasn’t neglected them (the conversation you had with the nanny was weird - she’s being paid to spend all day / night with the child) and social services will dismiss you for spouting such rubbish.

What happens after the nanny leaves needs to be considered - but unless she has form for being abusive or leaving the child unaccompanied and without childcare (which doesn’t seem the case) then you’re basically disapproving of her lifestyle choices not truly concerned with her child

Not being there the first week of preschool is horrible!

Being exhausted doesn't mean the child isn't being cared for though (it just means the nanny is being taken advantage of). "All" the nanny is doing is what any single parent, or woman left parenting alone while on a business trip would have to do. It IS exhausting and involves being on 24/7. Not fair on the nanny, because she isn't the mother and never signed up for this, but doesn't mean the child is being neglected. It doesn't bode well for the future, when the nanny leaves though.

If the nanny was in sole care of the child, and was super relaxed, having time of for herself, that would be a sign the child was being neglected.

I agree with this although I would add that she's probably putting the dick and the money that comes with the dick before her daughter ☹️

Honestly, the mums new boyfriend has probably done a U turn, promised that when he moves in, everything will change and he is prepared to be a father figure to her child. It sounds like it’s pretty soon for him to be moving in, especially with a child involved, how long have they been together?

sorry to say, but imo a man who is twice divorced with children from each marriage just sounds irresponsible. once, maybe not, but twice?!

I would see how child behaves in the next few weeks. Maybe her partner WILL step up to the plate, you never know. I think not, but it is worth waiting to see. Her child sounds the open type emotionally who would maybe say if they were unhappy.

perhaps the bf is a user and wants somewhere to stay, perhaps he genuinely has changed his mind and wants to be part of both her and her child’s life.

essentially it’s none of your business but it’s hard to let go when you see a child unhappy missing their mum and have genuine worry. Also with what the nanny said (I would keep this private too incase they decide to offer to keep her on on a PT basis and she changes her mind and decides to stay- sounds like they might if it goes wrong with her bf. If friend realises nanny has been “disloyal” she may not employ her again and it sounds like the child likes the nanny)

but yeah, I would keep quiet for now. If the boyfriend is a loser she will see for herself when they’re all living together and out of the honeymoon period!

This^ Sounds as though there was no father on the scene to begin with? She wanted a baby like some people want a puppy, then it grows up and is less fun. Doubt that saying anything will help, but perhaps you can try, at least let her know that Nanny is thinking of moving on unless there's a change, she may be the only stable adult in the poor child's life!

It absolutely is a form of neglect in these circumstances. It may not meet a threshold for a social worker, but would definitely be written up as a concern.

Looking after a child is exhausting and it seems nanny is doing more than a few hours here and there, but most of it and 24 hours now then the mum is on holidays and there are no other adults to help. I thought that was pretty clear in the op.

Please talk to your friend. That poor little girl.

I disagree. It is the fault of the man to be arrogant and self-indulgent to expect a mother of a very young child to prioritise him over her young child knowing that they exist and live in that house. He has children of his own, what kind of parent expects this from another person?

It is more so the fault of the woman who is prioritising herself to emotionally neglect her child’s needs and wellbeing by moving a man in to their home that has no time for them and will expect her attention to be prioritised over theirs also.

Disgraceful human beings the pair of them.

What a callous woman. I'd tell her what a pathetic excuse of a mother she is.

I couldn't mind my business while she's neglecting her child for child free nights for 2 weeks while her child is pining for her.

HUGE red flag. Can't see this ending well.

Don't be worried about 3 year old's "new dad", be worried about your friend's inability to put her child's needs ahead of her own wants.

The nanny could jeopardise her reference and future job prospects if she says something the mum doesn't like though

The nanny is exhausted and told me at the park yesterday that she’s ready to find a new job. Not because she doesn’t like the child, but she’s working 24/7 and has been for the past year.
Why has the nanny been working 24/7 for a year? Has your friend dumped her child on the nanny 24/7 for a year?

I wouldn't say anything yet bide your time and see what happens.
Anything said by you at the moment will result in an argument, with her telling you to..ind your own business.

If anyone should comment it should be the nanny as she's leaving and dosent have a friendship with her.

In all honesty, it's not the fault of the man! He made his feelings clear about not wanting to have much to do with the child, he might be a dick for it, but the mother has accepted this and still persued a relationship with him! The thread title doesn't need to mention him at all!

That is not good at all! But I suspect if he moves in as the nanny moves out there won’t be much domestic bliss and the relationship could end.

I wouldn’t say anything at this point, although it might be difficult to bite your tongue! But I would remain friends for the sake of the child and hope things change.

A parent leaving a 3y old alone with a nanny for 12 days when they are starting pre-school? It’s neglectful and I frankly wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who so clearly didn’t prioritise her child over her sex life.

She doesn't want the child anymore as interrupts her new life. The child's life will be nannies and childminders