We have been dating for a year and it's been rocky from the start. She cheated on me earlier in the year with a guy she met at the bar where she liked to go and play pool, insisting for months that I had nothing to worry about when I expressed my concerns. After I found out, she continued to secretly see this guy for another month before she finally stopped. There's a lot more messed up behavior about this period that I'll leave out.
Fast forward to a months ago, we didn't officially get back together but we've basically been acting like a couple for the last six months. I met a girl, hit it off, and we dated for a week (two dates) but found we had ideological differences that were't compatible and she found out she was moving far away and that was pretty much the end of that. I barely really got to know her and we didn't do anything physical. It really upset my ex, but I told her I had to at least try and move on. She messaged me constantly during that week telling me she loves only me and doesn't want to be with anyone else.
The week after things ended with my date, my ex tells me she's dating a guy. They met 6 days in a row and they made out (that's as much as she'll tell me). I thought "Wow, what happened to 'you want only me'".
She stopped seeing after he turned her down because a vision he had told him she wasn't the one, and we got back together the next week.
That's the context. My issue is that we both want to keep in touch with the people we dated. She sees this dude every weekend at the markets and they have coffee. At first I thought it this was unplanned,but I found out later she had been messaging him to organize it. They also go to church together every Sunday. I haven't seen my date in over a month, and we message irregularly.
I don't want her to keep seeing her dude because they obviously had a much more intense dating experience and she kissed him multiple times, and the only reason she didn't keep dating him was because he had some BS dream that could change any minute. And they're still seeing each other every week! Compared to my situation, we went on two dates, held hands once, and were both adult enough to know a relationship wouldn't work with our opposing views. We're just friends. She swears there's nothing going on, "they have boundaries" (what a relief), and she wants to be able to have friends. I'm also being controlling and need to see a therapist for my jealousy. Her female friend agrees with her.
We talked about it and how it's a boundary for me, and she can choose friends with this guy or a relationship with me. She apparently understood that our situations are different and I should be able to keep in contact with my female friend. She agreed to stop meeting with the guy outside of Church and that was that. Queue last week, she messages me at 9pm saying she wants to have coffee with the guy in the morning, she's already messaged him about it, and I can't stop her having friends.
Am I being a hypocrite by putting my foot down and saying she can't go out of her way to keep seeing this guy while I keep in contact with my friend? Happy to give more detail if needed.
tl:dr Gf and I broke up briefly and dated other people. She kissed him and had 6 dates, he broke it off after having a "vision". I held hands and went on two, and we stopped because of differing beliefs. She organizes to see her date regularly and has constant contact, I haven't seen mine but we message sometimes. We both want to keep being friends with our dates, and I don't want her to keep seeing hers. She agreed to stop seeing him, and then broke that agreement. Am I a hypocrite? Any advice or thoughts please.