To not want my baby to stay with his dad overnight

Him suggesting you stop breastfeeding for his own selfish needs proves he does not have your childs best interest at heart.

Yes thats the risk, he may be able to refuse for the child to go home, that was what I meant in my first post but I see no one else has mentioned it.

OP still hasnt said why he cant leave the US or come to the UK, but in any case hopefully she will leave baby at home

I wouldn’t meet him at all. I agree that you should tell him that your trip is cancelled. Personally I would block his number then.

You say you don’t want to deny your child contact but his dad moved to the US to be with someone else when you were pregnant. That is the reason there will be no contact - as baby’s dad is in the US and can’t/won’t leave. It is too dangerous for you to meet in the US. If baby’s dad refused to return him to you it could be very difficult to get him back as he would be with his dad. He could also disappear with him - then even the law being on your side won’t help you.

Isn't there some rule that he could (potentially) refuse permission for DC to leave America if op takes them there? I know that's the case in Auz/NZ.

He would absolutely be given parental rights if he persued it - he is the father, op agrees he is the father. Wouldn't be too big a stretch for him to refuse to hand over dc leaving op stuck in the states (without a visa) or returning without the dc.

Apply for maintenance op - might cost a bit but there are ways to get it from America - and they take that sort of thing really seriously.

In the meantime, don't even contemplate this ridiculous plan. I wouldn't drop my teens in NY and then hop on to Florida, nevermind a one-year-old bf baby who's never met their dad. Insane.

He can travel down to Florida if he wants to see his son.

I have been on three similar length work trips away whilst breastfeeding my children. I took a pump with me to maintain my supply and carried on breastfeeding when I got home.

I think leaving him with your parents would be the better option, if you really have to go on the trip.

Partly right. Parental responsibility includes rights. It “all the rights, duties, powers, responsibilities and authority which by law a parent of a child has in relation to the child and his property.”

How was this ever going to work between NY and Florida anyway? Why did you even tell him you would be going?

This was such a silly idea to begin with, even just having him watch the baby during the day, he is a complete stranger.

Take your mum or leave baby home with her.

Do you have Social Services involvement at all, OP?

This.

@Bunny44 why you even contemplating this? Do you struggle to assert good boundaries? Please find a way to work on this, your son needs you to be able to advocate for him and put his best interests ar heart.

You say you are trying to phase out contact but you also told him you were going to the US with the plan of going early to supervise contact and then leave your child alone with him during the day while you work. You are not trying hard enough to 'phase out' contact, you are doing it all wrong.

I wish people wouldnt keep using the incorrect term and concept of parental rights.

OP doesnt have parental rights either as they dont exist. Its parental responsibility.

OP is right to try to facilitate and set up a relationship between her son and his father, it will reap rewards as the child grows up. However it obviously needs to be child centred and direct contact only happening when the child is old enough and understands who dad is by way of slow build up. This random idea of dad caring for him out of the blue is no good

Child maintanence is neither here nor there, as someone else said, children are not pay per view.

In my view baby needs to stay at home for the work trip and continue with video calls as the child grows/changing contact as appropriate in line with the child's understanding.

No need for all the pretence of saying the trip is cancelled or blocking him, what is the need of that?

No. Absolutely no.

Why are you even entertaining this. He isn't even on the birth certificate

What makes you so sure he’d give your son back?

He feeds to sleep on you, for a grandparent he'll manage, be a bit grizzly perhaps but they'll cope.

But America is huge it's more being on the same continent than the same country.

You know it isn’t like the movies and he won’t meet his son and beg you to be with him and you all live happily ever after… Your son will be massively unsettled from the flight etc, and will need you (or your mum). He will probably want to breastfeed even more than usual to deal with all the change.

I can't believe this is even a thread. He's a total stranger to your breastfeeding baby. Of course he can't have him overnight in a foreign country. This is batshit!

I’d also just tell him you’re not going after all. He doesn’t need to know anything. It does not sound like a guy you need to facilitate a relationship with at this stage.

Tell your ex the trip has been cancelled/postponed to get him off your back, then consider arrangements from there. Say your ex couldn't be arsed to see his son and didn't want to know. What would you do then? Do that.

But definitely do NOT leave your son alone with this man. In fact I wouldn't be taking him at all. Express some milk, build up a freezer supply, and leave him with your parents. Better that than whatever your ex might try to pull once he's on US soil.

I think you’d be mad to leave him with this guy unsupervised at all. Kiddo doesn’t know him and I would be worried about a kidnapping situation. It’s not likely in the grand scheme of things but your relationship with dad isn’t good, you’re in a foreign country. Just no way would I leave my 1yo alone.

Awful idea. Don't do it, op