To not want my baby to stay with his dad overnight

You'd be insane to do this (and I can't help feeling he knows that you will refuse so his "grand gesture" of offering to mind his own son will die a death and he is off the hook again).

Florida is 3 hours flight from NY. Would you even consider leaving your child with a stranger in Spain while you go to Greece for work? Of course not.

Stop communicating with this waste of space. Literally just stop responding on the rare occasions he contacts you. He'll be relieved is my guess. And your son will not have to deal with a useless, feckless father.

”I don't want to be accused later down the line of being the parent that prevented contact.”

HE moved to the other side of the world.

I’m not even a parent - and I know that if he wanted to be a decent father, he’d be putting your child’s needs before his own wants.

Even if you didn’t pump there’s a good chance you could restart breastfeeding when you got back. If you look at photos of your son while you pump it helps the let down, not an old wives tale it really does work.
I wouldn’t leave him with him alone for 40 mins, he’s a total stranger to your son. He’s also a useless heartless idiot who hasn’t paid a penny towards his sons upbringing!
I agree with the poster who said you should block him. Try to sleep train him now and leave him with your parents. Would your Mum cosleep with him in your bed?

I think you should never have agreed to leave your DS with him atall. You can't just leave your DS with a stranger. I'd cut him out of your DS's life. He is likely to cause more damage than benefit.

Tell him you have decided that actually you can’t go on the trip.
Stop contacting him. He has your number, it’s up to him to keep in touch.
Stop ignoring your instincts, your radar should be screaming at you!

Re breastfeeding even if you don’t usually pump bring a haakaa or something so you can stimulate the breasts every so often. Your supply should be fine at this stage. In your shoes if there is any way your mum could come with you I would do that. I quite understand if she won’t, my mother wasn’t amenable even when it would have been combined with a holiday for her or I offered to pay for a holiday afterwards etc. A colleague who got on really well with her MIL used to bring her MIL on all our work trips to mind her baby.

I doubt the US system would protect you….always assuming he could be found….much easier for someone to go awol in the US with all the different States

But does the US system care whether he has parental rights in the UK given there's also no court ordered access arrangements either way? Or could he just prove via a DNA test that he is the father which may satisfy the authorities he is not abducted. Then if father gets deported child may ve sent with him. I have no idea, but I'd wany to take legal advice on the point if it were me.

I know it is hard to leave a breastfeeding and cosleeping child (been there!) but honestly you'd be amazed how well they cope when left with a trusted adult. Baby is presumably on solids so will manage whilst you're away and you just need to keep your supply up. Baby is far safer with your mother than with a man he's never met.

Absolutely not. On no account do this. Why are you even in touch with him? He doesn’t give you maintenance money and he sounds uninterested.

This man is to all intents and purposes a stranger - you barely know him. Your DS doesn’t know him and would be terrified.

You’d be mad to do this. Do not leave your DS with him overnight or alone.

This x1000

I would not put a dog in that scenario let alone an infant.

If your child’s abductor is living under the radar, it would make it more difficult to trace him. He’s most likely trying to stay off records and avoid the authorities, so do you think he’d make himself known to the police if he / the family decide to keep your child?

Please send a firm NO and never again consider the possibility of your child being put in this situation, it’s too dangerous.

I’d leave baby with your parents if they’re fine with caring for him during your trip. He will be fine, even though you’ll miss him like crazy!

I'd block him because you're vulnerable to being persuaded to consider his ridiculous proposal. I'm a bit scared for your son that you don't have clear enough judgment to have given this unreliable man a firm NO when he proposed this idea in the first place.

Well, you can't really go to Florida, can you? And you were never going to be able to go.

you tell him your trip is cancelled - end of story

do not leave your child which is a stranger!

This an important point OP. I won’t even judge it as I do understand a bit the situation you describe. However, it would be even more irresponsible for him to have unsupervised access to his child when he’s undocumented in the country.

There is no legal way for you to retrieve your son, should the worst happen. Yes, he has no rights to remain and is probably trying to keep a low profile, but he’ll also have a lot of family or community connections which mean he totally could deny you access to your child and you’d have no way to fight it legally (unless by reporting him).

Family ties are hugely important in Latino communities. Many believe children should live within the family, even if parents themselves are irresponsible in the way your ex is. So please, don’t let your child out of sight as you might never get him back. I say this without any malice - as I said, I have some knowledge and understanding of the culture. Protect your child and cut off contact.

Ah OP poor you. Being completely honest and I think you know all this as you've said it but I would go for your job if you absolutely need to with little one and if possible take someone with you who little one knows that can help. He isn't reliable and hasn't been reliable at all. And now he wants you to drop him another state lots of red flags here. Keep little one with you and share what you feel you need to with him but if he wants to see you both he can come to you and I would NOT be leaving him alone with him. To your little person he is an unreliable stranger and he has let yo down many many times. Stay safe and enjoy your little one.

Yes I wondered if he was Latino, I understand it

I wouldnt take the risk OP to be honest. But you're right to try to facilitate a relationship overall, its just that it needs to be done in the right way

Leave baby at home

Absolutely not!!! Hes basically a stranger