To not want my baby to stay with his dad overnight

This basically. You cannot trust this man, he has no fatherly qualities. Read up on the many many child abduction cases by a parent, you need a wake up call for ever considering this

Come on op, give your head a wobble.
You seem to the thriving on the drama of all this now!
If you've got any brain cells, you'll cut contact with this guy and get on with your life

So, were it not for the circumstance of you being on the same continent, he wouldn't be making any particular plans to see this baby?

And even when you are on the same continent, he's not prepared to take an internal flight to see this baby?

And, presumably, the idea is that you go about two thousand miles out of your way on a round trip to drop off and pick up this baby?

And in order for him to see this baby without leaving his apartment, he's telling you to stop breastfeeding this baby?

Which bit of all that do you think you're being unreasonable about?

Fuck that shit, there's no way I'd be leaving my son with him without me. So many things that can go wrong for you, its not worth the risk imo

He loves his son !! How???

He’s being an entitled prick and a bully, not thinking of your son at all but just about himself. Tell him to fuck off and come back when he’s grown up and learnt to think of others, not just himself.

You were considering for EVEN ONE SECOND leaving your son in a foreign country with an illegal immigrant who has never seen him????? Given that he has no prespect of having parental rights and you wouldn't have him back if he was the last man in the owrld, why are you even still in contact? and yes, I'd be telling your employer that you can't do the trip at all.

THis, the can't leave America thing sounds very suss. Been there and done it.

This.

He is either utterly clueless or utterly uncaring and only thinking of his own wishes not the wellbeing of the child.

Don't hand your one year old baby to a man he's never met and hope to get him back five days later.

Make other arrangements for childcare (ideally pay for travel for a known babysitter to travel with you for the daytime childcare).

As your ex knows your plans leave the option open for him to travel to where you are and meet your son of course, but supervised by you at all times, in a child friendly restaurant at lunchtime followed by a walk together to the nearest playground in a park or something. It's unlikely he'll bother putting in the effort to meet his son properly in a way that is in your son's interests by the sound of it.

Without any paperwork he doesn't have any rights at all atm and would have to apply through the courts to get a paternity test and go from there to get any.

If you want to stop breastfeeding then the trip away might be a good motivation to do it.

If you aren't ready to stop then either try to figure out pumping so you can maintain your supply where you're gone, or tell your employer that as a single mother of a breastfed baby you're not in a position to do long business trips abroad just yet.

He's without papers in the US like many Latinos. Didn't want to mention it as I didn't want to derail the conversation and feel like many Brits don't really understand about the situation over there as its very different to the UK.

Plan for the worst. Kid becomes sick, dad delays going to emerg because he's not got papers, kid gets sicker. Finally they get to emerg, SW called because kid is sicker than he should be. Foreign child with undocumented dad? Kid is going to foster care.

I think Latinos have a hell of a time. I love Central America. the increasingly hostile environment puts your child in danger. And dad could choose to go to Guatemala with him through some other route, weirder things have happened.

@Bunny44

I'm in the US. Parental 'rules' vary from state to state. But he is 'domiciled' in New York state so that state's rules would apply. Assuming that he is not on the birth certificate, you have not signed a legal document acknowledging him as the father, and there has been no court order establishing paternity he has no legal rights over the child.

Only for a US citizen. He's not a US citizen. If he tried for parental rights he'd be obligated to pay me CMS which he also doesn't want.

If you're saying that because he's not a US citizen that he can't pursue paternity through the US courts, you are dead wrong. Even if he is here illegally, he can still file for paternity. In fact, he could actually have gotten an order 'in absentia', but he would have had to have the birth certificate and told a whole shit load of lies to do so. And a paternity order in the US does not mean an obligation to pay child support (as it's termed in the US), that would be a separate court order. Technically the UK & US have a 'reciprocal agreement' to enforce child support orders, but it's nearly impossible to get one state's local child support agency to enforce an order from another US state, let alone a foreign country.

But just for your own peace of mind, I would tell him that the work thing has been cancelled and you are no longer going to Florida. Then just go and return quietly. Least said, soonest mended.

And if he's an asylum seeker without papers in the US, there's the outside possibility they get refused asylum while your child is with them, detained for removal and off your child goes to social services.

They are in a precarious position - and your child would be in an even more precarious position.

I would file for CMS/Maintenance. He sounds awful. Why let him do what he wants? It’s his problem if he’s has gone somewhere else.
Id take your parents with you. I couldn’t be apart for that long from such a young baby.

Absolutely not. Think about what might happen if he disappears with him! Overnights are a no no when breast feeding anyway!

It's not just unreasonable, it's nuts.

You'd be leaving your breast fed child with strangers - the poor child would be distraught.

And you'd be leaving him eith a woman who resents his very existence.

He doesn't love his child. He doesn't know him, has done nothing to support or coparent and is now trying to twist blame for that onto you.

Personally I'd ghost him.

They can't just award custody of a child to an un-named parent and send him to a country where he doesn't have citizenship with an unregistered parent. Especially since the US has bilateral agreements with the UK.

In theory, they can’t. In practice, it can take years to sort out and agreements don’t mean immediate action would be taken. I really don’t mean to scare you / any parents out there, but there are huge implications to taking your child to another country and leaving them in the care of their parent. There are many horror stories of seemingly innocent visits or holidays, where the children were never returned.

I think your mum going with you, or your son staying home with them would be safe options. Don’t try to justify him, help him, or be too trusting of his reasons and low chances of anything happening to your son. The law and agreements can’t 100% protect your son - just don’t put him in that vulnerable situation.

You can’t seriously be considering this.
Your baby has no idea who this stranger is!! Of course it’s unreasonable. I wouldn’t even see him based on what you’ve said. I probably wouldn’t contact him at all unless he was in the same country (living) as me and baby and I had seen some consistent effort. Honestly- be stronger and set boundaries. He clearly knows nothing about babies!! Or he’d know this is mad,

Be a bit like you leaving your son with me, can you imagine how scared your son would be?...Who am I to your little one? No one at all, as is his sperm donor. Sorry but I am calling it like it is, the man is nothing and no one to your son. Get another phone number and maybe check that old number occasionally, but as he cant come to the UK, there really is not much point in your son even knowing who he is

I think it's fine to tell him a lie, such as the work trip isn't going ahead anymore. then let the contact fizzle out. This man isn't to be trusted with your dc.