DSS looking after DDs on dads weekend

Could you organise a sleepover so your girls stay with their friends' houses? Twins at one house and 11yo at another. Then your DSS doesn't have to look after three by himself, and your DDs are cared for.

Right well that's then. Your twins so t be going to see their extended family.

Wonder if you'll be back here in a few years when your kids are incapable of doing anything without you

@LimeUser

But they're not babies, really what is the liklihood of there being an issue? They're watching tv/playing games, eating McD & too much sugar.

He'll call you, his mum or 111. Your 11 year old could probably manage that to be fair.

youre not used to leaving your girls with a sitter. It's natural to feel a bit anxious. But it'll be fine🤗

He's 20, I'm sure he's been around plenty of vomit. At 11 and 8 a nosebleed doesn't even require assistance- my 4yo deals with his pretty independently although I obviously like to be with him.

I think you need to relax.

An adult sibling they have known all their life and his adult girlfriend who they've holidayed with.

Yes absolutely fine, couldn't actually think of a better babysitter. It's 24hrs and you don't have little kids- you have big kids and a pre teen. They don't exactly need their bums wiped or nap routine keeping.

Yeah or don't swap and just look after them if he cant

I agree with this

If you are NOT comfortable! Cancel your outing and stay with your kids!

All I was getting at was that they have a half brother because they share the same father.

But a person in the girlfriend’s son’s shoes is the one who would be their stepbrother in time. And again, I wasn’t actually saying that that’s what he is at this point now. I was just explaining the difference between half and step because some people don’t seem to understand the difference.

I agree he isn’t their stepbrother. I should have said potential stepbrother. OP only split with her husband a year ago. So they don’t have a stepmum, either. Dad’s girlfriend isn’t their stepmum.

I’m not disagreeing with you. He’s not their stepbrother. But out of the two, he’s the one that would be.

I wouldn’t be overly happy about this arrangement unless I had spoken to DSS and agreed appropriate boundaries. He might be a great guy but he’s young and not the girls’ father - what’s to stop him inviting a bunch of lads round on the Friday night for a few beers. I wouldn’t want my young daughters in a home with drunk men they don’t know. I’m not sure it’s fair to expect DSS to devote himself entirely to his step sisters when most likely the arrangement has been dumped on him. It seems to me that this contact time is arranged so the girls can spend time with their dad - if he’s not going to be there for the first 30 hours or so of the weekend then what is being achieved by them being in his home? I do think it very much depends on DSS’s personality though and if you think he is mature enough to understand the responsibility he is taking on.

I think it actually fudges the question, because it implies a closer or longer or more established relationship than might be the case.

For all we know, the ex and the gf here might have known each other for two weeks.

Hence why I said I use the term very loosely

I would have some reservations about the young man I’d never met, and definitely have a refresher conversation with DDs about safeguarding (age appropriate, obviously).

But for clarity on this thread.

I agree. I think the rest is potentially ok, but not the friend.

He's not their step brother. They are not married.

Get a solicitor and go to court.

Get the agreement hammered out.

How many more weekends away will there be with the girlfriend, and how many more times will the DSS or even the girlfriend's son on his own be expected to cover? And how many other friends do these lads have, who might pop in for a visit on a weekend when the mother and ex are out of town?

It sounds as if this man really doesn't want to take responsibility for the children.

The girls in this situation are quite vulnerable to abuse. Predators can sense when children have an uninterested parent.

OP’s children and their older brother share the same father. When Op was with her ex, his son was OP’s stepson. They have 3 children together so that means they are his 20 year old son’s half siblings. They aren’t stepsiblings because they share a parent.

Their father’s girlfriend’s son is their stepbrother. And I use the term stepbrother VERY loosely.

If they don't want to go I wouldn't force them to. In the case of your eldest can you convince her stay home with her sisters? (Like it'll be boring without anyone her own age)? I'd say they all go or none of them go.

There are two young men here.
One is the DSS, and one is the son of the girlfriend.
This particular young man isn't a step brother or a half brother to the children. He's actually not related to anyone except the girlfriend.

The DSS may or may not be a half brother of the OP's children.

They do share a parent, OPs ExH is parent to her children and her DSS. They are biologically related, and presumably have grown up together.