Is private at primary actually worth it ?

Ignoring the educational outcomes for a moment, what are youndoing at secondary school?

My daughter has a two very close friends she has had since nursery and all 3 are going to the same secondary school.

I know if she went somewhere else it would be OK, people move schools all.the time, but if you can afford both, it would make sense to do it to make DC more comfortable IMO.

OP, I'm a former state school teacher, it I could afford it, mine would have gone to private school at primary. Those saying it's 'not worth it' are being facetious at best, ignorant at worst. My state primary was massively underfunded, oversubscribed, stress levels were through the roof (one of the reasons I left and didn't go back) and the expectations on staff to do EVERYTHING, meant that most of us didn't have the energy to put our enthusiasm into teaching. I have a friend whose children are at a private primary- they're calm, confident, have zero gaps in their learning, etc. her son has adhd and is thriving. I'd say if you can afford it, go for it. Private primary gives children a good start and readiness for secondary.

All of the above except small classes (although 1 teacher 1 TA in reception) and excellent food/facilities at the state school we use. Archery available as a club from Y1 and my son is working about a year ahead in maths and English in differentiated groups. RC primary in affluent area so parents are to a certain extent self selected by church.

Not all state schools are the same and neither are all private schools but do look around. I think a lot of the things colleagues say are standard in their private schools as extra can be standard in the state system.

We have experience of state primary and private prep and I think it really depends what you prioritise. The state system is primarily focussed on Maths & English as there is a great deal of pressure on schools to perform well in SATS. The knock on of this is that sport isn’t a big feature in the timetable, though you can do after school clubs. It is a big more of a sausage factory, if you’re clever you’ll be fine but children were put in sets for reading on day 1 in Reception and it’s hard to move up. Private schools seem to be more holistic & offer subjects like forest school, lots of sport and different opportunities in music and drama. They also have smaller class sizes and have potential to be more nurturing as they teach the ‘whole person’ and the teacher has more time to address individual concerns. I think they are fortunate not to have the same government expectations so can set their own agenda. I don’t think every private school is better than every state school but there probably will be things that are better because that’s what you’re paying for. You need to visit both and see what you think, I think that’s how you crystallise what is important to you.

Small classes (1 teacher - 10 students)
Average grades children being overlooked ("the invisible middle") to focus on the children who need more attention in state
Able to speak the teacher directly face to face anytime
Being taught 1 year ahead is. Y2 with Y3 attainment
Having good manners
Children feeling noticed, important, valued
Any challenges in child seen as opportunities
Confidence building
With like minded parents
Opportunities to do unusual sports like fencing
Good facilities as standard
Excellent lunches

Doesn't this fly in the face of the research about the importance of the earlier years in setting up our relationship to ourselves? Isn't it those formative experiences that are going to teach us to be curious, make mistakes and have self compassion?

Surely it's better to start in a school that you thrive in, whichever that might be, rather than try to correct damage done later.

Sometimes yes. The most sought after private high school near us is really hard to get into at high school years. If you think your child won’t perform at top level in all tests then you really need them to be at their primary school for automatic acceptance. The kids that don’t go to their primary have to have tutors and study hard for their secondary entrance exams as well as being high achieving.

Lots of lovely extras: forest school, cooking, ballet, spanish, trampolining, coding, hot chocolate or ice cream on fridays, school animals.

Meanwhile our very normal small village primary (state) has forest school, cooking, gymnastics & dance, Spanish, coding, choirs & music groups, chess, various sports clubs, ice cream at lunch.....

State schools aren't like borstals 😂

My son was failing in state primary and they didn't have the resources or the desire to help him catch up (reason for being behind was medical) . Had no choice but to move him to private and he has flourished and pretty much caught up in 2 years

Started DC1 in Yr4, we were also able to hold him back a year. DC1 is dyslexic and had gotten lost in the state school system. It was definitely worth it for him, he stayed until he got his GCSE's.
Also sent DC2 from reception and shouldn't have bothered, happy with him at private secondary. Private for primary was a waste of money as he would have fine in any primary school. Was guilted into it by family who said it wouldn't be fair to send one private and not the other.

Our DD goes to a London borders Indie day school. There is a focus on polishing each child’s achievements and talents, rather than the more classic pushy prep vibes, which can be purely results driven and I suspect would be tough for a very average child. Because scholarships for secondary privates are given for: art, music, drama, sports and academic, we were looking for somewhere that could demonstrate a broad variety of outcomes (grammar & private) on their leavers destinations/offers list. It’s quite hard to know exactly where your little one’s talents lay early on, so any setting that has a reputation for nurturing each kid - will probably be brilliant at drawing out those skills. Some parents favour through schools, that would take kids from 5 years old to end of secondary, but we decided against this. Good luck OP, if money isn’t a factor - we’ve been very pleased with our choice and have seen our child flourish. One thing to consider is the rise in fees, 8% every year at our setting, obviously the well publicised VAT, plus trips, tonnes of uniform and affording wrap care for the long holidays, it all adds up we’ve found…

I think it really depends on the child and the school. We are overseas so its not the same. But i do think class size makes a difference. We put DS in a private preschool with a class size of 30 (3 teachers) and he was completely overwhelmed, disruptive, cried alot, became withdrawn and we ended up taking him out. He told us it was too noisy and kept putting his hands over his ears. We put him into another private preshcool with max 12 kids in a class, 2 teachers and he was like a different kid. When kids are happy they thrive, I really believe that. I will add that DS recently had an assessment for autism so potentially may have some SEN issues.
We have now finally moved him to another private preschool (goes all the way through to secondary). 18 kids in a class, 2 teachers, 1 assistant. The school has occupational therapists, psychologists, pastoral care, SEN department on site. Facilities include - own forest on site (1 day a week they spend the morning there), vegetable garden, arts centre, stem centre, 8 sports hall, a gym, a pool, and over 100 after school clubs. I think at preschool age this isn't relevant. But for someone with a kid who is presenting as potentially being ND/mild SEN, I know how important continuity is to him and being able to participate in an activity at a site he is familiar with will be alot easier than taking him somewhere else. He struggles with change.
I don find at this private school the comms between parents and teachers is brilliant and I find that really helpful.

That said, it is costing us a fortune and I don't know if we would have made the same decision if we had had 2 kids. But it felt like the right thing to do for now.

I went to state school all the way through, got top grades. Teachers said I could do any career, ended up doing the career I always wanted. But I have always lacked confidence and was incredibly shy as a child/young adult. It's something I was able to overcome as I got older but I often wondered if I'd gone to private school would I have been the same. Everyone I know who went to private school had an innate sense of self confidence, regardless of their academic ability and I always felt envious of them. I think bright kids will do well in most schools.

Not remotely. Set up a savings account for you child, and put the money in you've saved in fees.

Private from 2, here. Absolutely worth it.

My DC has been all the way through private primary. We have a very good village primary on the doorstep and my intention was the village primary but there was very little wraparound care available so she attends the private school I work at.

It has cost a bomb but she’s had opportunities in sport, music, drama and academics that I know the primary couldn’t provide. DD is bright and I have no doubt she’d have done well at the primary but she’s definitely thriving.

She has confidence, a great work ethic and a curiosity about the world. I think her primary has helped prepare her for the move to secondary (wherever she goes). She really enjoys school and it has shaped her. For me, it has been worth it.

I wouldn’t be so sure that accelerating a child to the year above because they’re bright is a good thing or desirable tbh.

You sometimes see kids that have been in that position where intellectually they’re coping with the work but socially they are behind their peers

development is more than just academic.

I think it’s much easier to move into private from state at secondary than the other way round. So I think if you’re starting at 3 you have to be pretty confident you’re going to be in a position to stay in private all the way through which is a massive financial commitment

There are definitely state schools and state schools though.

^

This.

I work in prep and have a wide experience of lots of educational.setings. in my opinion, you get massive value added for the primary years compared to secondary. I would prioritise that always. However, all private schools are not equal (as state schools also vary). Look for somewhere with good educational standards where there is a wide extra curricular offering. Sport and broader experiences are much of what you are paying for. I would advise being discerning, as the vat issue will probably mean that independents need to become.less picky which can affect classroom.dynamics.
My final.point would.be although there may be some benefits to private education, in my opinion they rarely exceed the benefits of engaged, happy parents with time for their children. Also, I personally would not want to give up.nice holidays and other family experiences. If a private education means missing out on all this, I would go state.

There are definitely state schools and state schools though.

Some state schools are so good their results outperform private schools. Some are terrible. So I think it probably matters to send them to a decent school - be it private or state

We are debating this now and our main reasons are

1. Avoiding the kids who'll have really poor behaviours
2. Getting a school that has a lot of opportunities for music and things like a band. If not many kids at the school play an instrument than there can't be any kind of bands as there won't be enough numbers. Far more likely to get these sort of numbers at organge school.
3. Potential acceleration, so moving a bright kid up a year.

If private schools really are more likely to accelerate a child who is very bright than state, then that's the main reason I want to send my children (who are below school age at the moment).

We are looking to move and if we can afford an area where I'm confident the state primary is good then state might be easier. But affording this is tricky for us, as is affording a private primary.

No, it's definitely not worth it for primary.

And I'm not entirely sure it's worth it for secondary, I think it's more about parental involvement.

Me and my siblings went state school and are all straight As/Oxbridge. My cousin's went to a very expensive private school and did similarly. One of them wasn't typically bright - but their parents pushed them massively & still succeeded.

My parents pushed us at state school. I genuinely think my cousin's would have done as well at our state schools with the parents they had

I suppose it depends on the kid and school. I cannot say whether it’s worth it as mine is only in Grade 1 now but I chose private as the classes are very small vs our public and the student : teacher ratio of 6-7:1 appeals to me. In the class there are 12 kids; when my kid was in bigger group of kids (20ish) he struggled and for us was a struggle to get him to school. Now he is very happy. There’s no known SEN issues (we have spoked to previous teachers, doctor, etc and there were no concerns).
It also helps to get to know the families from young age.

Yes oh Hun don't you DARE send those sweeties to state school don't you realise the perfidious influence of the peasants starts long before age 11 😱 the peasant children will mock them for their sauvington blanc and they will start asking for fruit shoots

We 100% thought it was worth it, and if anything more so than for secondary. They have smaller class sizes, more support, additional resources and lots of extra options in music, art and sport.

My children were nurtured, loved and encouraged whilst being shown how to be kind, responsible and have fun. They were taught how to learn, self study and came out with a curiosity and a self belief that has set them up for life.

They may have had all this anyway who knows, but for us (and I appreciate we are extremely lucky) it was worth every penny.