DH and best friends wedding

I bet he hasnt.

I bet he hasnt let it lie and has gone on and on with the guilt and break up tactic until poor OPs brain is a total tangle. This is how these blokes operate

or he has cried and made up some BS story

or got angry and scared her (but I dont think we are there yet)

or offered her something she always wanted, but she just needs to do what he says

My ex used to do this a lot, there are countless events, weddings and parties I have missed because of him and they were “our” friends not just mine. I feel sad about it but it’s done, don’t let this carry one op or he will gradually isolate you from everyone in your life. I’m in a great place now because I bit the bullet and left, we share custody of our kids and I have a fantastic new partner who has thrown himself head first into my friendship circle and they all love him.

Be happy, I hope you realise your child will be happy if you are.

Ask your friend if it's ok to bring someone else in his place. Has he given you an actual reason why he doesn't want to go? I would remember this next time he wants you involved in something that's important to him ...

Him not going to your bf’s wedding is the least of your problem. Enjoy the day knowing that this miserable won’t be there.

Can you ask him to stay at his dad's and not come back?

Hope you're ok this morning @Strawberrysaucee ?

Goodness, he really has bought 'Coercive Control for Dummies' hasn't he? He's going through it meticulously too. If there were an exam at the end he'd be targeting an A star (top grade arsehole).

Please make sure you go to your friend's wedding @Strawberrysaucee and get childcare for the day so that he can't use your child as a reason for you not to go. Good luck

You feel bad? That's exactly what he wants. Because he's an absolute bell end.

Go and read your earlier posts. When he made you so uncomfortable that you had to come and post here to try and decide how to deal with him. Remember that.

My dad did this for years to my mum , I grew up hating him . Don't do this to your child . Leave him . Have a blast at your bf wedding first tho x

This behaviour of his will never end.
He will always be a source of stress.
He will always spoil happy times.
He will do this to the happy times your child should enjoy, like parties and Christmas, always drama and always stress and sadness.

I stopped going home for Christmas, as did my siblings when we became young adults.
Neither of my parents could understand why we chose to go elsewhere and celebrate with other familys.
My father had spoiled so many days with his sulks and my mother had allowed it.

We simply cut off his opportunity to spoil things.
My mother bore the consequences of her choice to tolerate him.

This is 💯 correct.

Expect him to start moving heaven and earth to fuck up your attendance at the wedding.
Have a spare or plan b outfit

Later on dont be surprised when he starts threatening to kill himself etc. And also be en guarde for violence against yourself which is waaaay more likely than him committing suicide
My father threatened to kill us and himself. Real nice...

Has he actually gone?

He sounds like an utter dickhead

I am sorry you are in such a difficult relationship. He sounds like he has very strong narcissistic traits. I would agree with him staying with his dad and I suspect he won’t really go, but perhaps it is time for you to state your boundaries. It sounds to me like there is a manipulative element here and to me that is a loud alarm bell.

i don’t think I have ever commented on a post before but yours has really resonated with me. I had almost an exact same situation when my DS was a baby. I ended up not going to my best friend’s wedding as he displayed the same behaviour as your DH. He was happy when everything was on his terms and with his family but not the other way around. But tried to make me feel like it was my fault.
Another good friend told me one day I would wake up and realise all of this but until then there was no point in her telling me what I should do. And that day eventually happened about a year later on Christmas Eve. I asked him to leave and he did. Still tried to control me for the next few years but I didn’t allow it to happen anymore.
i promise your day will come but please let it be sooner rather than later if not for your sake - for the sake of your DC. If you have a daughter you don’t want her to grow up thinking it is normal to be treated like this. And if you have a son then I am sure you don’t want him to learn his Dad’s behaviour.
Finances work themselves out. You sound like you have a great support network also.
You only get one life and you deserve to be the happiest you can be. I am now married to a wonderful man who is the best step Dad to my DS and we have a young grandson who we adore. Go and grab life and enjoy it xx

I was married to a man just like this. Used to do it all the times ruin events / dinner parties and even Christmas Day in a few occasions. I let him last year and it's the best decision I ever made.

I lived through a relationship like this, please tell him to go to his dads and stay there. He won’t change and this scenario will just be replayed over and over again. Your dc doesn’t need to grow up around this negativity. You’ll be ok financially, you’ll get help and make a better, more peaceful life you and dc. Good luck and enjoy the wedding.

If there's one thing I've learned from having a crap partner, it's never to be embarrassed by the behaviour of your partner. It's not your responsibility and no one will think it is. Moreover if being honest about how your partner acts is embarrassing, you probably shouldn't stay with him.

If they ask , tell them he changed his mind about coming and you're not sure why. Then move the conversation on.

I'd he is going to his dads to sulk and be a selfish arsehole, do you still have childcare for the kids so you and your mum can go to the wedding?

He doesn't get to be the dick and say he's not going, and then when you make alternative arrangements, be the dick and say he would have gone. Clearly he was hoping you'd fuck over your friend and lose her money and say it was a last minute illness/ childcare issue, and when you didn't he's playing the victim. Sorry, but this would give me the serious rage. I'd also refuse to discuss it further and stick with, this is what you wanted, and it's sorted the way you asked, and not engage with the conversation again

You are living with a childish man and sadly he’s not going to change.

This. Tell him not to come back. Honestly. You’ll feel like a massive weight has been lifted.

I didn’t think of the outfit! Possibly keep it at a friends- shoes, dress, jacket and get dressed there? Underwear too if he would know what you planned to wear. You cannot trust this man.

If you are feeling bad, his manipulation is working - so turn that guilt feeling into anger he’s doing this to you.

Yes, being unhappy is enough. It is better to separate amicably if possibly, so why wait for a major row? Just start planning and get help and support.