DH and best friends wedding

Look up Dr Ramani’s videos on narcissistic personality style. I think you’ve got yourself a classic that there, sorry. He’s manipulating you to meet his bottomless needs. You’ll never change him. He will always do this unless he gets therapy with someone trained in working with narcissists. I’m sorry OP. Hope you went to the wedding and enjoyed it!!

He is manipulating you.
He's a good liar, which is why you believe him, but please open your eyes.
My DM used to say "find the iron in your soul"

Typical narcissist

OP I just want you to know that many of us have been in similar situations and it's really hard and daunting to finally pull yourself away from it but I promise you you will not regret it. It's hard getting on your feet away from what you know but you will feel so free being away from the manipulation. And like a previous poster has said your eyes will be opened to the many other times he has done this to you.
Be strong. Confide in people, even if it is just strangers on the internet. Many can relate. You're worth more than years and years of this torturous cycle you'll be in with him x

Tell her he can't come because you're no longer together. Then dump him.

As your partner, it's his job to accompany you when you're attending as a couple. If he won't do his job, sack him.

He's a childish, jealous toddler. You deserve more. Get rid.

Stay strong OP, you are being so brave x

So he’s gone from calling you a C to going to the graces of relatives. Delivering abuse to your DC causing untold damage?
Tell him to go to his father’s permanently.
If you stay with him your child is going to keep suffering.
Next stop: the suicide threats. He’s almost there and is inevitable. It scares an ordinary caring person if it comes from someone genuine.
But from an arch manipulator it’s just a playing card.

I had one of these. It took me nearly 20 years to get rid of the cunt.

The constant gas lighting, controlling behaviour and arguments followed by he wouldn’t know what he’d do without me, he felt like running his car into a wall. Such bullshit!!!

Get yourself in a good place financially. See if you can buy a small flat for you and your child, even if it’s a studio. Then leave the fucker, change your car and block him. You can use an intermediary for visitation.

You might have to stay for six months/a year but auto pilot it. Get your shit in order and leave.

OP it is a well known tactic of abusers to threaten, suggest, imply they will self harm.

That is why it is always recommended that you contact the police to do a welfare check.

The police will call and speak to him.
They are well used to abusers threatening this.
The police know that they are dealing with scum like your husband and one visit from time wasters like him and they don't usually have to call again.

Abusers don't like authority knowing about their abusive behaviour.

Abuse loves secrecy.
You should be telling your GP about your husbands deliberate emotional abuse of your child.
Is your child at school?
Let them know and support your child.

I don't know how you could look at him, not to mind have sympathy for him after he deliberately upset your child.

The lowest of the low abuses children.
That is who your husband is.

A deliberate child abuser, who will do anything to control you.

You really need to give your head a wobble and realise what is important to you.
Your innocent child?
Or that piece of shit you married?

100% everything that this poster eloquently said.

Especially this sentence “His instinct is to hurt others if it will help him”. This man is utterly self absorbed and will use any tactic to get what he wants - abuse, upset, manipulation etc. He knows that it hurts you, but he does not care. He knows that it hurts his child, but again he does not care. His only motivation is to make you do what he wants, to please himself.

He is dangerous and you need to get yourself and your child far away from him.

Let's put it this way. He has just deliberately manipulated your child into getting really upset over HIS actions that HE controls so HE can control YOU. Do not back down - you deserve better than to be this guy's punching bag for what ever lunacy is going through his brain. Your child deserves better than to be in the company of a man who would upset them to make their mother feel bad. You are giving him too much leeway - pack his bags, send him to his father and YOU TELL HIM you need to time to think about whether you wish to give him a second chance to improve his behaviour. Big hugs

Sorry OP, but he is a manipulative twat. He thinks he can bully you by threatening to leave and when you say OK, please leave he backtracks. He is just upset that his emotional blackmail isn't working any more.

It is natural that you are feeling sorry for him. You are an empathetic person so you can see that his manipulation comes from a place of insecurity and that is why you feel sorry for him. But you need to look at the bigger picture here. Nothing can change if he lacks insight into his behaviour and actually wants to change. You need to protect yourself and your CHILD. What he did to that child is indefensible. Your child is an innocent human being who deserves to feel safe and secure. Instead, their own father used them as a tool. This man's damage is more powerful than his good. His instinct is to hurt others if it will help him. That is what makes him dangerous.

So, yes, it's normal to feel sorry for broken people. But to allow that brokenness to continue to affect you and your child is irresponsible and foolish.

The fact that he's willing to upset your child should confirm what a cunt he is. Stay strong and get him out.

Because he’s an abusive cunt who knows which buttons to press.

why do you feel guilty and sorry for him - because it's emotional blackmail !!! well done that man !!!

and yes expect either the heart attack symptoms or the suicide thoughts !

did he pack a bag and go to his father's after telling your child he was leaving ?

and did you go to the wedding, with your Mum, that he was so determined to spoil for you

Because that’s the game he is playing . He has worked on your for years to get you to this point .

Aren’t you with a narcassist .! Peopel hate that word but read up OP

He only feels sorry for himself as he wasn’t getting he wanted form threatening to leave. .
He is trying to scare you into staying or putting up with his behaviour .

tHe went too far using your child but that what that type of person does. .

Make sur eve leaves he is poison

@Strawberrysaucee I agree with everyone else that he is now using emotional blackmail and abuse to get you to change your mind and you are letting him away with it if you give in, because you are a decent person. Not only that but if you do give in, he will use it again and again in future if you let your resolve weaken. Speak to women's aid, cab and find out what your options are.

How old is your child? Are they at school? Could you stay with Mum for a bit?

Dr Ramani is brilliant.

Ive watched many of her video of narcissistic behaviour.

Give them a watch @Strawberrysaucee. They’ll be eye opening for you

Because you are an empathetic human being who really wants him to be sorry and to start acting like a decent partner and parent?

Unfortunately, he is a manipulative cunt - how fucking dare he upset your child like that? He doesn't deserve your sympathy, he deserves your contempt and disdain. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

OP I had one of these types in my life once.

He did intend on going to the wedding but wanted to worry you, and take out some of the joy for you, and make you grateful when he did go after all. He would have been a cunt to you at the event (bored, wants to leave etc ) while enjoying himself far as everyone else knew.

You ruined his plan! I would be laughing if I was you if it wasn’t so indicative of more serious issues.

Where he’s absolutely crossed a line is upsetting your son in an attempt to emotionally manipulate and control you.

I would be done. I would in very clear language tell him that he went too far and you won’t give him a chance to treat either of you like this again.

Once you’re free of him, the reality of the other small ways he controlled you will make themselves really clear and you’ll wonder how he got so far with it.

💐

Wow what a POS he is!! Sorry OP, this is so stressful xx

Classic narcissistic behaviour. Just like many posters predicted, because he was no longer a part of the wedding he would absolutely find some way to ruin it for you. Then he has to make you out to be the bad guy and he's the victim so he says he leaving, expecting you to fall over yourself to convince him to stay. Obviously that didn't happen so then he back-tracked. Not only that but he's tried to make you feel guilty by getting your child upset. He has brought all of this on himself yet here you are feeling like the bad guy.

Stay strong OP. Let him move onto his dad's. Also have a look at Dr Ramani on YouTube. She specialises I narcissistic behaviour and has videos about dealing with a narcissist after a breakup. Hopefully it'll prepare you a bit for what's to come and also make you realise that you are not the problem here.

Exactly this.

He’s utilising every tool in the Abusers Handbook.

Many of us have experienced this exact behaviour and can see exactly what he is doing.

He’s backtracked because his threats to leave were purely an attempt to control you and they didn’t work. So he’s panicking that he’s lost his grip on you.

So now he’s going for emotional blackmail. And emotional blackmail is so effective because it plays on the emotions of a person who has a conscience. You’re feeling guilty because he’s playing the emotional blackmail card well and he knows how to tug at your conscience. He wants you to feel guilty so you’ll stay with him. Don’t fall for it. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

He even used your child to emotionally blackmail you. By telling them he was leaving, knowing full well he had no intention of doing so, but he wanted you to back down and hoped seeing your child upset would make that happen.

He’s an abusive prick.

And showing many narcissistic traits.

The only person he cares about is HIMSELF.
If you leave him, it’s cutting off his narcissistic supply. Without your attention on him, he can’t be on the pedestal he’s put himself on. He has nobody to use to help him suppress his insecurities.

He wants you to feel insecure, so he can feel empowered and not face his own insecurities. That’s why he threatened to leave. To make you feel insecure and him in control, to have power over you.

Don’t give him that power.

Take the power back for yourself.