DH and best friends wedding

This is coercive control.

Yep, my DF did this on my graduation day, it's very tiring & upsetting.

Don't let your DC grow up walking on eggshells.

Loved my dad but he was coercive & controlling to my DM.

Do you have a sister or other good friend that can come with you?

I would be all breezy & say just double checking you are definitely not coming as telling bride today and X is free so will come with me instead. Don’t let him know you are bothered.

Stop covering for him. Your friend will probably be more concerned for you. Whatever you do don’t get into an argument with her because she criticises him and you can’t help defending him, if she says he’s such a selfish shit and he hates you having fun, your response is ‘im starting to realise that.’
start looking at the financials to see how it looks if you leave him.

You tell the truth. He refused to come because he's quite controlling and selfish.

I once had a boyfriend who hit me. I walked into our local pub and someone asked me what happened to my eye. I said "Nikk hit me". Never cover for them, plan your exit, tell everyone the truth, and walk away with your head high.

You will be ok. You and your child deserve better. Dump him before the wedding and tell everyone he's not there because he's your ex.

IMO he should be paying the £115 that they have lost as he intended to go and then is backing out at the last minute with literally no good excuse. This should be on top of the wedding gift!

When they ask, tell them the truth. Do not cover for him.

Either,

'He's being a complete child, putting on a petted lip and saying 'because I don't want to go to your best friend's wedding.'

Or, to be completely truthful

'He likes to spoil anything I have, he's a bit of a controlling arse, and he thinks that by refusing to come with me he will make this an unpleasant ordeal for me. But, you know what? Fuck him, he's just put the last nail in the coffin of my dead love for him.'

He is doing this to control you. This should be an exciting time and instead, the week leading up to the wedding is filled with this issue instead. You're now worrying about him not going and what to say and that is where your focus lies.

Tell him no problem at all, that you'll tell her and be honest about the reason - he doesn't want to go and won't be forced. That you're sorry your DH is like this but you won't make excuses for him anymore. Tell him that you won't be needing the childcare anymore and he can have DC then and now, if he doesn't mind you have a wedding to be looking forward to! Turn the tables.

My Dad did this to my Mum for years. Years of telling her last minute he wasn't going places. When they'd paid. When others had paid. When she was ready and dressed. Or the week before so he could watch her cry about it.

One day she went to a wedding and told everyone that the reason he wasn't there was plain and simple because he didn't want to be. The relief it gave her was palpable and she left him a few months after. (30 years too late but never been so proud of her.)

Just tell your friends he's a self centred arsehole

Agree with every word of this.

And start thinking of a life without him. It might be trickier financially to leave but my god, do you really want this manipulative person around your child?

Tell her as soon as possible that he is not going.

You are clearly in an abusive controlling relationship.
He wants to ruin the wedding for you.
Its what abusive men do.
He cannot bear for you to have any joy that is not controlled by him.
The hen night was the same.

You need to reach out to Women's aid, family and friends, tell the truth.

This is a bad man, husband and father.
It will only get worse for you.
Do not get pregnant again.
It will just leave you in a worse position.

Take this very seriously, he really is an ugly abusive man.

His sole aim is to ruin this for you.
So tell her asap.

I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if he comes back ssying he wants to go, it was a joke.
Do not capitulate.
He made his decision and you have told your friend.

Abuse loves secrecy.
Tell people the truth, "he refused to come last minute 🙄🤷🏻‍♀️".

No excuses.
People will get it.

Of course he will not be honest that his aim is to ruin your day, but that is indeed what he is trying to do.

This is not a once off. I bet there are loads of ways that he tries to isolate you from friends and family.

Isolation of victim is number one goal for abusers.

Take this very seriously.

Financially i am going to be in a real tricky spot on my own. I have a child.

He knows this and thinks it allows him to treat you badly. It might be harder for a while but so much better in the end.

He sounds like a controlling prick

He sounds like a controlling twat. Go by yourself, and leave him altogether.

His behaviour is a massive red flag. By behaving like this he is interfering in your relationships with other people- in this case your best friend, attempting to drive a wedge between you by doing this and you being upset and embarrassed by it.

Be honest with yourself, what other red
flags does he have? If this is the first one it won’t be the last. It never ever is.

He wants to make the day about him and spoil it for you.

Just say that's you've told your friend he's not coming and that's the end of it. Don't try and persuade him to come (that's what he wants) and don't in any way show you are disappointed.

Enjoy the day and then get rid of your partner. His behaviour is designed to gradually isolate you from others who matter to you. I am sure there will be other occasions you can recall where he has done similar things. He's controlling and he won't get any better. Get rid.

Is his goal to keep you at home and stop you from going out? That's very different from him not wanting to attend events and being fine/encouraging you to go.

Is this his attempt to stop you going? Seems like he doesn't like you going out, don't stand for this controlling behaviour.

I so feel you on this. But the truth is you'll have better time without him. Don't lie for him and go and have a wonderful time. And people won't be asking and if they do then just say he couldn't make it or he's doing his thing or whatever you feel comfortable with.

Maybe think about dumping him.

Tell your friend asap, don’t lie about the reason. If she knows you both so well, I doubt she will be that shocked. If his friends ask on the day, tell them the truth as well. Go and have an amazing day without his miserable selfish arse bringing you down. And afterwards think hard about whether this is really someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.