DH and best friends wedding

Your husband should pay the £115, it's ridiculous to back out of a wedding last minute, everyone knows the cost per person is high.

This is an awful way to act, he's letting you down too. However, I think you'll have a much better night without this cunt in tow.

Speak to your friend, confide in her. You might need to open up to someone down the line anyway so just let her know he's being a dick.

This is such a red flag, standard controlling behaviour. I bet when it comes to it, he'll start an argument or act pissed off with you for going to the wedding without you, even though he's said he's 'fine' with it. I bet he's done this on other occasions he knows are important to you as well. He won't change, I'm sorry.

Then you simply tell them the truth. Don’t lie for him, tell them he didn’t want to come! One lie usually leads to another lie….and, if you’re anything like me, it would be written all over my face!

Just smile, shrug and say "who knows? He just decided he didn't want to come". You don't need to lie or elaborate.

Definitely tell her ASAP. He's an arsehole

Just read your updates. I had one like this. You need to leave.

you can’t live your life with someone who wants to spoil every joyful day

Reading this thread I know that I have a husband just like yours. I think you are doing the right thing if you leave him. I should follow suit, but instead I will put up with it.

Tell them the truth - that he just didn't want to go and is being an arsehole about it

agree with this.

best case scenario is that he maybe lacks social skills and is worried about having to make polite chit chat with people he doesn’t know, while you are on bridesmaid duties.

but sounds like he just wants to make you feel bad on what should be a special day.

This! Best answer ever.

Actually, I would lie.

because can you imagine what their on going friendship will be like?
if the bride knows her bridesmaids husband couldn’t be arsed to come to their wedding, how awkward will future social occasions be.
I think that could kill the bridesmaid’s friendship dead, through not inviting her to social couply things because they know her husband won’t want to come.

even if the arsey husband recovers his socialibility of would be hard to forget that he didn’t bother to come to their wedding. .

This is controlling behaviour. He’s exerting his power to upset you on an important day.

BTW does he ruin other occasions that aren't him based?

Maybe the wedding will make it blatantly obvious he is a shite dh and your mate has got a better life?

Does he realise that you will cancel the childcare and he is swapping the wedding for some dadding?

Maybe get someone else to look after your child while you are at the wedding?

Tbh, I would be worried that he would take out his resentment/anger on the child.

He sounds awful. Do you think he's trying to put a damper on your excitement and happiness about being a bridesmaid for your best friend?

You need to tell her he is not coming. Just say he is being difficult and won't explain to you or her but you wanted to give her notice so she can save the cost or fill the space.

I too anticipate that once it's clear you aren't bothered about him going and aren't begging him, he will change his mind and you'll have to say it's too late, you declined his place as indicated and it's gone.

My next prediction is that he will then try to sabotage you going, for example by refusing to look after your child (I'm assuming a joint child). So have a plan for that, for example, can your mum babysit to avoid any last minute panic.

You need to keep grey rocking him as he's behaving like this to punish and control you (and your friend - does he have a low opinion of women in general by any chance?) If he sees its not bothering you he might give up. But I suggest you give some serious thought to getting your ducks in a row and ending the marriage if this is a recurring pattern of behaviour. It's no way to live.

i think if the bride is a close friend that you know well, this will not be a shock to her. She probably has the measure of him. Go with the truth ‘ Gavin isn’t coming because he’s a massive twat’ should probably cover it. Leave the kids with him and go and have a lovely time.

He doesn't care about your friend or her financial loss.
He doesn't care about your feelings or that you will enjoy this less because of his actions.

I was married to an arse hole I thought things would improve once we were married, or when we had the first child, then the second. I thought I needed to fix things, be less. It didn't get better it got worse.

I couldn't see a way out until I could. I told him it was over. He moved to his mums for a few weeks to 'teach me a lesson'. Assumed I'd see sense.

I couldn't afford the house alone so I increased my hours, my parents guaranteed the mortgage. I worked two jobs. (Second job when he had kids)

It was hard, he made it hard but eventually he lost interest and found another victim. Kids got older, I eventually met a wonderful man got married and had another baby.

Now it's been nearly 20 years since we split he hasn't been in my life for about ten years. I never think about him. Dc see him occasionally but don't have much of a relationship with him.

Now that couple of years of struggle seems well worth it. The alternative would have been another twenty years of arse holary and abuse.

You need to ditch him. This will only get worse.

NB: £115 per head for a MEAL? Are they MADE of money? What do you get for that?

My DP isn’t a fan of social occasions so he lets me know well in advance if he’s coming somewhere or not - to do it last minute like this is a really shitty thing to do!

Please don’t lie for him as he’ll think it’s ok to do it again. I think you should tell your best friend he isn’t coming so she can manage it with the venue but other than that it’s on him.