DH and best friends wedding

Youll have a lovely day with your mum

I’m so glad you’re going without him. I bet he’ll be furious that he hasn’t managed to fuck up your day. Ha!
Seitch your phone off in the day and enjoy family and friends time-don’t give him the opportunity to ruin it for you.

Did you read this bit? It's abusive.

*I said he will have to tell the bride and groom himself that he isn't coming.

He is refusing to do this and has said he just will not turn up or I will have to come up with an excuse ie. no childcare or he isn't very well.*

Great update. She's probably pleased she isn't throwing £100+ in his direction. Don't let him put any kind of downer on you and your mum's day.

OP has stated that he's her DH...........(Dear Husband).

If he doesn't want to go to your friend's wedding and he isn't stopping you from going what is the problem. He has every right not to go.

And these people telling you to dump him is exactly why there is a high divorce rate in this country. The next guy you meet will also come with his challenges and what are you going to do then, dump him too?

Patience is so important in marriage. Unless there is clear evidence of abuse or the like, don't throw away your marriage over something as trivial as this.

I second the comment about backup childcare - might well be needed.

Great that the bride invited your mum - that’s very thoughtful of her. Have a great time! He’s going to hate that …

I can identify with this for much as it sounds very much like my ex husband. I'm not saying your DH is narcissistic but it is classic narcissistic behaviour, ultimately to make you not enjoy something that doesn't involve him.

Who is back up childcare OP if your mum is going with you? You need that firmly boxed off as it will be his last ditch attempt to stop you going

I'm so sorry you're married to such a selfish, childish man. Nobody deserves to be treated with such disdain. I don't know how anyone has the brass neck or nastiness to treat the person they're meant to love like that.

"Won't be forced" - ha! He means "I won't be considerate to you" - rather a short term strategy on his part. I hope you leave him and he sees the consequences of behaving in such a pathetic way.

Great update- I bet your friend knows exactly what he’s like, and is probably glad his sulky-arse face won’t be spoiling her photos.

Is your child coming to the wedding? I would be fully prepared for H to make a drama out of whatever you’ve arranged. If mum is looking after your child at the wedding then that’s ideal, but be prepared for H to demand your child for the day then change his mind. Don’t rely on H for childcare if it’s child free - have a reliable childcare arrangement in place.

Because he's a selfish dick who managed to go to his own family and friend's wedding.

I'm glad you're mum is going.

You do need to leave him. It's easier whilst dc are small. Can you live with someone else? Mum?

OP you’ve had some great advice on this thread. I’m sure your best friend won’t mind, and like others have said she may have people who can take his place. Have an amazing time at the wedding, do not let him spoil a beautiful milestone in yours and your friend life.

I’m another one who has recently got rid of a controlling H, he sucked the joy out of everything. Over the years he’s slowly chipped away at me, when I challenged him about his coercive behaviour and suggested we go to marriage counselling he berated me and said it’s me who needed the counselling. So I did, and guess what…. My counsellor confirmed my husband was abusive.

I ended the marriage two months later and it’s the best thing I’ve done.

Pop your details in the benefits calculator and see if you’d be entitled to anything.

Life is far too short 💐

He would need to pay around 15% of his net pay in child maintenance.

Have you checked the entitled to website to see what you would get in terms of housing benefits/UC?

Why doesn't he want to go? Surely he can see it's rude and inconsiderate to pull out a week before the wedding?
My DH is very introverted and hates weddings, but he accepts that it's something you just do for good friends and family. He would never accept an invitation then refuse to go a week before!
Unless your DH has a valid reason for not going (depressed/anxious?) then he just has to suck it up and go.

When he asks you later ANYTHING about the weddig, look at him askance and say, You did not want to go, you were not interested in going.

Great news, have a brilliant time

That's lovely, I bet your mum would love to see your friend of 20 years get married

He’s a selfish dick. You already know this. Get a plan going for leaving - this won’t get better

Sorry he is being like this but honestly don't make excuses or feel embarrassed. When you are asked by mutual friends why he isn't coming just respond. "He chose not to. I suggest you speak w him about why?)

And leave this won't get better

Edited becuase first response was on the wrong thread!

I'd tell my best friend the truth. DH doesn't want to come and I'm furious with him.

You deserve better

If your friend I knows you well she may even be relieved he's not coming - he may only have been invited as he is your partner - I'm sure she can find someone to upgrade from evening etc to have his place

Someone else said it earlier but just reinforcing - make sure you have iron-clad childcare arrangements for the wedding. Then turn do not disturb on your phone for everyone but the babysitter. Otherwise he is likely to use your child to ruin the wedding for you, too.