DH and best friends wedding

Now he knows your mum is going instead, and that you don't care he's not going, there is a high chance he will decide to come along on the day, to upset you and stop your mum coming.

Be prepared for this, and don't let him do it if he does try it.

😆😆😁😁

Please switch your phone off or block him because he'll be ringing all day with made up issues just to try and ruin your day. If you think he can't be trusted to look after your child or that he'll use the child as an excuse to make you worry or leave the wedding, then arrange an alternative babysitter so you don't have that worry.

This is classic narcissistic behaviour. They hate the limelight not being on them and in particular hate it being on their significant other. That's why he was happy to go to other weddings, because you weren't as involved. He can't stand to see you shine so has to try and ruin it for you. Please don't let him.

I'm glad you're looking at ways to escape. Even if it means living with your mum for a bit it's got to be better than living with someone like your DH.

Sorry, just read update. Have a lovely day.

Tell your friend your husband is having a tantrum and is not coming. Ring her and tell her that in front of him. I would.

Does he know anyone at the wedding other than those in the bridal party?

As you're on bridesmaid duties/at the top table does this mean he'd effectively be on his own for much of the day? Because, depending on his personality, I'd understand him not wanting to attend effectively on his own, but he should have had that discussion with you much earlier.

Hope you sort it out and enjoy the day.

Well done, OP. Just one thing: don't cancel childcare for your DC. If you leave the DC with him, there's a high risk that he will be "ill" or have any other problem. Expect some kind of shenanigans on the wedding day, and plan for that.

This is a great solution.
I hope you get your finances together and leave this man child. I hate weddings too, but I wold not leave it until right before to refuse to go when money has been spent and it would look embarrassing.

He knows he is acting like a dick, that's why he wants you to lie about it.
I think it's great that your friend knows and your mum is coming with you, far better than him coming but sulking, making sly digs and spoiling your enjoyment.
Do not feel you have to stay because of your child. Your child deserves a happy mother and a healthy environment. Not a childhood of you and them walking around on eggshells so as not to upset dad. You deserve to be happy. Not being happy is a valid reason for leaving a relationship.

I wrote my post before reading that he tried to ruin the hen night. So predictable eh?

I would bet £100, that the day before the wedding, he will change his mind and demand that you ditch your Mum. DO NOT DO IT.

Stand by for your Mum going with you to not suit him either.

You have to find a workaround so you can get out of this awful marriage OP. As PPs have said, do it while DC is young so it's normal for them.

Imagine life away from this soul sucking tosser. Just being unhappy in marriage is enough to divorce. It is the main reason people divorce.

He's sabotaging it for you. This should be a lovely day, with you somewhat in the limelight, and he doesn't like it. Sounds narcissistic.

What would I do?

One - I'd take this as a huge wake up call, and really think about whether you want this kind of life (I wouldn't).

Two - I'd tell your friend that you're having a few problems with DH, and he's not coming, but that you are sending her £115, to cover the cost of his meal.

Three - I'd go to the wedding and have an absolute ball. I would not answer any messages from him all day. I'd stay at the hotel, so I didn't have to go home. I'd be off the grid all day and night. Let him stew. Post amazing pics on SM of you smiling and having fun.

Four - I would make sure that any children who needed to be cared for, were babysat by a grandparent or friend - anyone but him - because if he watches the kid(s), he will make up some reason why you have to come home early.

Five - when I returned home, I'd be very cool, but any questions about the day, and I would say what a great time I'd had, and that it was an amazing day.

Six - Once I had decided whether to split with him, I would explain that the catalyst was him letting you down so spectacularly, and also after you being at the wedding and having an absolute blast without him, you've realised you would be happier single, or with a man who was a bit more dependable and exciting.

Ah, that's lovely that you get to spend the day with your Mum instead. I bet it'll be a darn sight better day than with your husband.

I agree to not covering for him, particularly if his friends are there.

In fact, your Mum being there is perfect - there's no way that he can say it was a last minute illness. Hold him out for being exactly who he is.

"No, he isn't here - Mum came as my plus one instead. Yes, he was supposed to be here, but other than being a selfish twat I couldn't really tell you why he didn't want to come. You'll have to ask him. Anyway - better for me to let my hair down without him. Who wants another drink?"

It is his embarrassment. I would just be honest and let him deal with people thinking he is a dick.

Oh I'm so glad your mum is going with you instead! He'll be fuming!!! 🤣
Seriously though, he's controlling and nasty. I too wondered if he had a thing for the bride or someone else that is going to be there.

"He opted out when he was told he couldn't wear white"

😂

You'd still be better off without him in the long run

Suggest if asked where he is you give a different story to everyone

"He decided not to come. You know how it is, if it's not all about him.... shrug"
"He opted out when he was told he couldn't wear white"
"Poor DH, he's at home with the raging trots/ingrown toenail/polishing the chip on his shoulder"
"Where's DH? At home I think. He didn't want to come"

Personally I would make plans to leave and give him a royal rocket about his moods and his controlling behaviour now before the wedding. Point out the pattern of behaviour and how abusive and unacceptable it is. Set out that your expectation is that he will try to ruin the day in some way for you and your friend.

But only you know if he's worth the effort, that approach presents no risk to you and whether you would be better to just spring it on him and retain the element of surprise. You also know yourself best and whether you are strong enough to challenge him or would rather step away

Yes, this is really nice. Doesn’t solve the issue of your arse of a husband, but I hope you and your mum have a lovely time at the wedding.

If your mum's coming to the wedding, what's your childcare? Don't rely on it being him and you'll have a fantastic time!

@strawberrysaucee from experience he will find a way to disrupt/prevent you from having a good time at your best friends wedding! Please take this opportunity to go, have an amazing time - turn off your phone and forget he exists for the night! The (probable) fallout the next day will show you who and what he is.
Then, set the wheels in motion to leave and get a better life for yourself and your child.
YOU deserve happiness and to put yourself first ♥️

Hooray for your mum going with you, a perfect solution and he will miss out if friends of his are going.
This would be a final straw situation for me too. Totally understand the financial difficulties involved in separating but hope you can make it happen.

This is the way forward OP, great result, just pretend it doesn't bother you in the slightest if you can, it will make him seeth, but eventually he'll learn that it doesn't matter what it does, you're still going to go and have a great time without him, so he may as well cram it.

Definitely don't make excuses for him, unless it truly is a one off everyone will know you are lying for him and it will just look bad on you, if you have to just say you don't know, and 'he just said he wasn't coming?' Shrug.

My sisters exH used to do this to her all the time, he would back out of something at the last minute, I told her in the end that she didn't need to lie for him, it was always 'headache' or 'stomach ache' but our take on was if he's going to be a miserable sod we didn't want him to come anyway.. yippee!

Have you read the op's posts? This is a bit more than just not wanting to go. If he didn't want to go, he should have said when the invitation arrived, not a week before the wedding.