DH and best friends wedding

Of course he would have gone with you ..... NOT!!!! He's just pissed that you've sorted the situation and you're still going!

Dear me, I feel embarrassed for him. Do not give an inch OP, ignore.

His sole concern will be to try to spoil this.
Get you not to go.
Make so much drama and upset.

He will be very worried about what you tell people.

Days of refusing to go, causing you pain and upset.

The minute you confirm that he will not attend he says he would have gone.

So now you know it was all to stress you and to ruin the day for you.

You tell everyone EXACTLY what he has done.
No doubt your friend knows what a prick he is.

Time others did too.
He will no doubt ask you to say nothing, pretend he was sick.

Abusive men love secrecy. Thats how they get away with shit.

Tell everyone the truth.
YOU have nothing to be ashamed of.

I have asked why and he says he just doesn't want to and will not be forced.

I said he will have to tell the bride and groom himself that he isn't coming.

He is refusing to do this and has said he just will not turn up or I will have to come up with an excuse ie. no childcare or he isn't very well.

I don't understand why he is putting me in such an uncomfortable position...I would like for him to be there but he is saying why would you want me to be there when I will just be miserable.

My friend will loose money on his meal as they were 115 pound per person.

He is right. You are not in a good place. That's because he's an arsehole.
Don't change your reality to soothe him. He had no such care for you.

As expected.
He's gone too far.
He Didn't expect you to take action. You did.
He wanted you begging him.
So now he has to play victim.

He is a text book abuser.
Just like they threaten to self harm when their victims wantoto leave.

You need to read "Why does he do that?".

Rest assured he will get very angry soon when you don't capitulate.

Refuse to discuss it. Say it is done and absolutely no point in discussing it.

You need to stop being confused.
There is no confusion at all.

He is following the abusers playbook of moves.

He will try every tactic, sadness, victimhood, rejection, attacking you, accusations of affairs, anger, threats of self harm, ......all to see which one will work to bring you back into his control.

He is a very bad man.

Sheer manipulation.
How nauseating.

He sounds so damned attractive 🤣

How old is he 5?

Just ignore him. Seriously.

He's worried that your friend, mum and others have rumbled him that's all

He really is a Grade A git, isn’t he? I’m glad you see through this nonsense.

I hope you looked suitably disbelieving! ‘Oh really dh? Could have fooled me, in fact you fooled me completely. There was me thinking it’s blindly obvious you hate the idea of my having fun, and here you say you love me. Some inherent conflict there.’

So predictable. Have a lovely day OP, don't let him sabotage it.

You know that this is a barefaced lie! He told you he would not be going to the wedding because he didn’t want to.

He has spun this around to you being the unreasonable one and he is the victim 🤯 I hope you can clearly see how manipulative he is being? How do these bloody men think they can get away with this behaviour. Please open your eyes and see what he is doing here.

If he loved you he wouldn't have been a twat about it in the first place.

This is bollocks. He's saying it now because he knows it's sorted.

Just say with a smile how much you are looking forward to going with your mum and what an amazing day it will be with everyone.

And make plans to leave him asap.

Just a thought, is your child going to the wedding? If not I would have someone to babysit on standby as he’s so selfish he will probably go out himself and leave you in the lurch.

I’ve seen your update, I’m so glad you told your friend and you have your mum with you instead.

This is a pattern of behaviour that’s easily recognisable. Saying he’s not bothered if you go but complaining when you do, throwing a spanner in the works after agreeing to go. You deserve better.

Lovely news that your friend has extended the wedding invite to your mum. I hope she really enjoys the day (might be some frantic shopping this weekend). Good luck to the bride and groom and to you getting the calm and happy life you deserve.

Really pleased you've done this!

This type of thing was one of my Dad's favourite things to do to my Mum. If we had an event with her family, he'd complain about it in the run-up and say he wouldn't go or would be rude to people if he did. Then, having worked her up to a state of high anxiety, he'd go along on the day and be absolutely charming.

By telling your friend the truth and taking your Mum instead, you've taken away his power in the situation. Look forward to the wedding now and show him he can't spoil it for you.

Please get out if you can. It was miserable watching my Mum being treated this way.

Yeah this was all part of a plan to try and stop you going.

You are supposed to pull out of the wedding in order for you to focus on him and not, god forbid, put your attention on someone else.

It hasnt worked so the next trick will be that he either a) says he is going and then changes his mind AGAIN the night before or even on the day so it is too late for you to have anyone with you or b) he will go but be in such a foul mood it ruins the event for you and the bride.

So I wouldnt mention the wedding at all. If he pushes it say that bride has now invited your mother (not you taking her as a plus one, that is an important disctintion) in his place so its too late. He cant decide that your mother is no longer invited as it isnt his event.