Hmmm, I had one of these. Let me share some thoughts about mine.
He got more pleasure from spoiling events than he ever got from seeing me have a nice time. This is why important dates that are hard to replicate get ruined - birthdays, Xmas, Valentine, weddings etc
Another poster suggested he may 'change his mind'. Tough shit. Mine tried this. He refused to go to dinner at my friend and her hubby's home over Xmas. They had never met him and he let them down that morning. I got out in front of it, told my friend immediately and told her the truth. They were lovely about it and asked a couple of other friends to join us so I wouldn't be a third wheel. He was very put out when he 'decided' he'd come after all, I told him he'd been uninvited and I went without him. We had a lovely night.
Do not cover for him. Ever. Real friends will not judge you for his actions, (although they may question why you're still with him). Mine was stupid enough to admit that he'd planned to change his mind about coming to the dinner after giving me a 'good talking to' first. WTAF? I even cancelled one arrangement in front him. I phoned my friend as soon as he started this shit. His face was a picture.
He pulled this trick every time. He never actually met any of them. I refused to remake the arrangements. If he let them down once, that was once too often. These men don't expect you to take the reigns. It throws them off. You're supposed to tappy lap after them trying to persuade them to change their mind. Sod that nonsense. He won't be missed from the wedding or anything else. At least you can relax knowing he won't pull some stunt and spoil it for you.
This will never end. I believe men like this hate women and enjoy hurting them. It's not normal. You will spend your life managing, dodging and anticipating this bullshit at every corner.
I know you feel vulnerable because you have a child. I didn't have any and I won't pretend to know how daunting it may feel to leave him. However, what I would say to you and any other women in this position is this; if he left you and you had no choice in the matter what would you do?
Think about this properly. You don't need a 30 year plan but say, the next few years. The early days are not about aspirational living. The rest can follow in time.
*How much money do you need to cover bills and where can you economise?
*What's the most cost effective way to live? If your child is very young could you start with a small flat?
*Could you live somewhere you wouldn't need a car?
*What skills do you have to maximise your income?
*Find out how much child maintenance he would be required to pay.
*Check the online calculators for benefits entitlements. ?
Remember - if he left you, you would have to manage. If you can figure out what you would do if you had no choice, then you have a strategy that gives you a choice xx