DH and best friends wedding

I recently went to my BF wedding, hubby said all along he wouldn't go. I told her, he doesn't do weddings etc, she didn't bat an eyelid as I told her from day 1 he wouldn't go. I was her witness, I took my grown up son instead

I think he's starting to panic that he is losing his control over you. He probably expected you to beg more and "force" him to go to the wedding, but instead you've said "Fine", sorted it, and not covered up for him, so he's freaking out. And escalating. This "we are not in a good place" crap and going to his dad's is just more manipulation. He's trying to unsettle you and make you feel insecure when it's actually him who is feeling insecure and wanting you to prove your loyalty to him by getting upsetting and begging him to stay. Don't give him that.

Good

let him go to his dad's. Im betting he wont though, he's just saying that because you havent backed down and grovelled for forgiveness, nor started crying over the 'not in a good place' comment.

If he does go (and I hope he does) it will give you some time and space to think about if this is the relationship pattern you want your child to look to as their blueprint for relationships - thats the crunch that got me out

Tell him that’s an excellent idea.

Off he fucks!

Ace reply 😆

I think him going to stay at his Dad's is a really good idea - please don't try to dissuade him. It gets him out of your hair - as long as he doesn't continue to gaslight you by phone/text (ignore if he does). Just let him go and enjoy the peace. Just say "OK then" and try to stay calm - not upset or annoyed.

Reading your replies OP, he sounds like a classic manipulative narcissist.

Please, as others have said, look for a way out. My skin is crawling reading about his manipulation of you. OP, he will ruin your life if you stay with him and probably your child's too. In a healthy relationship his focus would be making sure you have a lovely time at both the hen and the wedding. Simple as that.

Good lord, what an absolute arse he is. He didn't want to go. He got what he wanted and now he's still not happy. He's behaving like a toddler.

Just tell him you believed him. He didn't want to go, he doesn't have to. You're going and will have a lovely time. Grey rock him and look to get out of this abusive relationship.

He wants you to feel like you are losing the plot - he is fucking with your mind. You cant 'win' against these types because they will twist and turn and lie with no remorse whatsoever.

It was HIS choice, it was HIS behaviour and HE was the one who had refused to go for months griping and bitching. You know this to be true.

He didnt want to go. It has nothing to do with the actual event, he was pulling a powerplay, its all about isolation and control.

He doesnt want to go now. He just doesnt want his twattish behaviour exposed because the more you spend time away from him, with others who see his game, the more distance you have from his gaslighting and manipulation, it allows you to see it. Like this he doesnt give you brainspace - see today you are questioning it all rather than saying, Fuck it, you are a liar and a manipulator, who keeps switching the goalposts.You are too busy trying to make sense of it.

You are trying to make sense of nonsense.

It doesnt make sense because its not normal nor rational.

I had one like. My therapist said you were so busy firefighting the little fires in the trees that you didnt see that you could just walk away from the forest.

@Strawberrysaucee please go back and read your opening post. Look at what you wrote, as a record of what he was saying.

He told you he didn’t want to go. You wanted him to go. He refused. You have let your friend know accordingly. Now he wants to pretend that you’re the one in the wrong, jumping the gun etc.

Your husband is a gaslighting arsehole.

Please make plans to leave him as soon as you’re able. I bet your lovely friend and your mum will be delighted if you do.

He will look exactly as he is.
I wrote in my post that abusive pricks like your loser husband do not like being exposed.

I don't use that C word but if he didn't want to look like one, perhaps he shouldn't behave like one.

Stop allowing him to make you crazy.
He said for months he didn't want to go, you accept it, told the bride. The End.

Its over.

OP, you need to take responsibility for yourself.
We have laid out how he would behave and he has.
He wants to grind you down.

I feel so sorry for your child in this dynamic.
You need to focus on getting out, not this wedding.

That's because you haven't played the game the way you were supposed to. If you hadn't told your friend he wasn't coming, he would have carried on telling you he wasn't going. It's all about control and making himself out to be the victim.

Don't play the game.

Yes you have made him look a cunt. Funny how his actual behaviour made him look exactly as you told him it would 🤦‍♀️. Hope you reminded him that it was him that refused to speak to the bride.

So what are you going to do?

Can you sit down and talk about it. See if he’s as unhappy as you are? This relationship seems untenable.

This is why women find it difficult to leave selfish abusive twats. Op has been patient while he guilts her and tries to cut her off from her friends. His behaviour is abusiveand noone needs to be patient and tolerate it. He had time to decide he was not going before accepting the invitation, but no, that would not have nearly the same impact, so he waits and creates a situation for op. This marriage belongs in the bin.

"We're not in a good place"

Well he's right about one thing at least!

Oh I missed this.

@Strawberrysaucee you really can’t take the risk of having him look after DC.

I bet my life savings he will invent something to completely ruin your time. DC will have a “dreadful fever that warrants A&E” or similar.

Tell him DC has been invited for sleepover at X house that night.

The writing was already on the wall. How predictable. He put you in a place where you would have to deeply embarrass and probably humiliate yourself by giving excuses to your friend which would sound like pathetic lies but you called his bluff and were honest with your friend which he wasn't expecting. Now most probably you are going to have a great time which is not right because he tried to sabotage it.

No matter what happens you can never be right. You'll do exactly what he wants (as you just did!) and he'll ALWAYS decide that it was the wrong thing just to mess up with your mind.

No. Not if needs be.

Keep childcare in place or you'll get no peace

Ask him whose fault that was and then tell him to grow up!

Keep the childcare arrangements in place for the wedding and divert all calls/messaged from him during it or give your friend someone else's number that is attending in case of emergency. Sounds like he could be controlling and coercive if he ruins your nights out