DH and best friends wedding

mine was always off out, never had time to spend with me. So the one night I went out he pretended that he had come home from work and cooked a special meal for us, so we could spend time together, but had had to throw it in the bin. My flatmate, who heard his side of the phone conversation when he called me, so sad about the night he had planned, later told me that he had never cooked anything, it was all a lie to make me feel bad for not sitting at home on my own as usual

Be honest with her and tell her your angry with him at least she may be able to get a refund on his s meal or fit someone else in his place.

Let him go to his dads …..the trash is taking itself out! Byeeeeeee

WTF did you get that from? He's just an arsehole.

Could he have been having an affair with your friend who is getting married?

Do exactly the opposite of what he wants you to do. He is one nasty bloke.

Good riddance, I hope he goes. He sounds extremely emotionally abusive.

He is absolutely a Narcissist. He will definitely make you feel bad and as if you are at fault if you let him - just don't! Don't look back. Be glad you have realised now before too much damage is done and move on. I've seen what this did to my daughter and, seriously, you need to take this massive instruction from the MN universe and make a much better life for yourself and your DC. You will be so glad you made that choice. Don't let his manipulative tosh derail you. Massive kudos that you are able to see through him x

Good on your friend. Just let him strop off, he sounds like a controlling prick.

He's expecting you not to beg him to go. Please don't. In your position I'd say 'pack all your stuff while you're about it, and move out' tbh.

What an arsehole. He's now expecting you to beg him not to go. Don't. Start making a plan to leave.

You need to go on the cheerful offensive, and completely ignore all his sad-face musings, just pretend you haven't noticed, he is doing it for effect and it's working.

He wants you to pander to him and beg him to stay and reassure him.. but to be honest OP, he doesn't deserve that right now.. I would walk around happy and completely ignore all that shit, and respond with a cheerful 'okay, no problem' or 'yes, sounds like a good idea!'

Here's a little real life example..
My sisters husband was very emotionally manipulative, he would promise to do something with her and the kids on a Sunday, even so far as to tell the kids what they were going to be doing, then always back out on the morning of, saying he didn't feel well blah blah excuses, after a few weeks on the trot she made plans to go out with our mum instead.. he never stopped ringing her all day, telling her how much he was looking forward to going out that day and he'd made these plans and bought tickets etc (he hadn't) and she obviously doesn't care about him if she would go out without him.. unbelievably she felt so bad she took the kids and went home to shut him up, it was all bullshit, he just didn't want her to have a good time without him.

He also used to fail to turn up at family events and she would lie and make up a reason why he dropped out last minute.

Thank fuck she left him in the end! Don't be like my sister OP, as soon as you show you are affected by that kind of behaviour they will always use it as a weapon against you.

Oh that’s fantastic

Tell him to go to his dads now , have a great time at the wedding and tell him you will be switching off your phone for the evening and do it !

I think HollyKnight is spot-on with this. You said earlier:

"I think if this was a one off thing, I wouldn't be as bothered by it. But it's part of a pattern of behaviour I am realizing."

Yep, you are currently joining the dots and seeing the manipulation below the surface of his behaviour. You haven't done this before, and I expect he can sense the change, and he is reacting to that by piling on the pressure - the "moping around", the saying "he feels like 'we are not in a good place' and acting all sad." All designed to make you feel bad. Do not crack.

If he does bugger off to his dad's, use the time to your own benefit. Dig out the paperwork and start getting your ducks in a row. Take copies of bank statements, his payslips. Keep them on your desk at work or your mother's house. Visit the https://www.gov.uk/benefits-calculators website to check what benefits you would be entitled to as a single parent. Finances might not be the obstacle you think it is. Child maintenance - he will be liable for that too.

Call his bluff, agree with him about going to his Dads.

He wants you to break down and beg him to stay. This is very controlling behaviour.

He didn't want to go to the wedding, you told your friend and are now taking your Mum, he's now saying it's your fault that he's not going. He's manipulating you.

This will only get worse as time goes on. Get out now!

'it's best for us and him if he has a bit of space' 'it saves us having an argument'

I'm calling it that he is going to go out and get pissed right up on the night of the wedding and either behave badly nor get a friend to phone you to collect him.

You can see he is trying to isolate you, can't you?

Causing fights and aggro so you think it's easier to give him what he wants.

Hopefully you'll eventually just give up going out because he doesn't like or making plans with friends because you know he will let you down and it's not worth the fuss.

Can you see that?

Her dh does do weddings. Just only his family and friends. Your dh is probably ok apart from that.

Does he do this sort of thing when it's a day you would enjoy?
I had an ex that would always cause an argument before my birthday or Christmas etc so we didn't have to do anything. Or would make things unpleasant before I was going on a hen weekend etc so I couldn't enjoy myself. It was only afterwards I could see the control etc Get out now if uou can as he won't change and will become more manipulative.
They always want people to see them in a good light...even tho they are shits!

He's trying to scare you. Total narc. Call his bluff.

He is now saying he will go and stay at his dads for a bit as 'it's best for us and him if he has a bit of space' 'it saves us having an argument'

Embrace it. Agree with him whole heartedly and tell him to go. Your marriage is already broken so you won't make it worse by doing this. Take back control of your life, of your future. It will be a better one with him gone.

Yep!!

I’m sure he will try other tactics soon too - like her caring more about her friend/a wedding than him, it must be another man at the wedding that she’s trying to impress, she obviously doesn’t love him, he’s not feeling well and worried it’s serious, he’s having some young woman flirting with him at work etc.

The more these men feel like they’re losing control, the more manipulative they will be.

So proud of you OP ❤️

You are an adult and he is not your parent. You are allowed to go to a friends wedding without him trying to put a downer on it.

the awful thing you did to him was not putting him at the forfront of everything you do. That wedding is someone elses. AND you are a bridesmaid. Where is his part to be centre stage in that?

He is now saying he will go and stay at his dads for a bit as 'it's best for us and him if he has a bit of space' 'it saves us having an argument'

Call his bluff OP!!

He wants to have a break from you because you told your friend he didn’t want to go, which is what he’s been telling you for ages!

I hope you can see how manipulative he’s being and I really hope you don’t fall for it.

Please keep posting on here as he’ll know exactly how to twist things to make you feel guilty.