DH and best friends wedding

There is something very weird about his behaviour through all this and it’s definitely very manipulative. Take a good hard look at whether this is the exception or the rule because if he’s like this frequently he is potentially really dangerous to your long term mental health.

Omg, he’s following the expected script, what an arse! Don’t back down, OP, be strong, wave him off to his dad’s, he’s a sulky child!

Op he sounds awful. I really feel for you. My husband was much the same. As soon as we were going anywhere he wanted to know what time we would be leaving to go home. Moaned all the time. Never wanted to do anything except for watch tv.

We have been separated for a couple of years and now going through a divorce and court for financial settlement. My children are all in their early twenties now.

One thing I would say to you is that if you are that unhappy then do leave him. Please don’t stay for the sake of your children. I did and I have so many issues with them now. I wanted to leave years ago but I was scared and thought it best that my children had two parents who were together. I have been suicidal and on antidepressants for years. I have a lovely partner now but I regret so much not leaving my husband years ago.

Please think of yourself. I know it’s scary but it can be done. Leaving is much braver than staying in a relationship where you are unhappy. ❤️

The trash has taken itself out!

Whenever I need a favour if my husband huffs and puffs I say no worries I've four other family members who would step up so I'll ask one of them. He backs down because he doesn't want others to think him a shit. He's retired so no work excuses any more.

I agree wise plan of action here.

Narcissistic prick

No need to be rude. It's not unreasonable and I'm not the only one who thinks it possible. It would explain his irrational behaviour over this wedding. Not unusual for men to have affairs with best friends.

I have zero sympathy for him, he was absolutely fine giving you extreme anxiety about him refusing to go on the day of the wedding and spoiling the day for you, but now he realises the show will go on just fine without him he is having a massive sulk and still trying to spoil things.

Stay strong. You are not putting up with his nonsense now or in the future. You have absolutely done the right thing here, no backing down.

Absolutely let him go to his dads. Bolt the doors as well, so he can’t get back in.
Pack enough things for you and your child for a few weeks and go to your mums.
Then Call women’s aid and start to get everything in order/ your options laid out in front of you; you’ll feel much better and see things with far more clarity once you’re also out of the shared home.
ive been in this situation, it escalated catastrophically and was utterly hideous.
please turn to your family & friends, don’t let finances be a reason you remain in this place.
there are so many options available to you, you’ll get financial help as a solo parent,that side of things isn’t as bleak as it may seem right now x

My first response was to say that if you're a bridesmaid then you'll probably be tied up with bridesmaid duties all day and he might be a bit bored or fed up, especially if he doesn't know anyone else. I had this experience before when my ex was groomsman for his friend. My Ex wasn't sitting with me at the church, he was missing for ages while the photos were being taken and he was sitting at the top table during the meal. Obviously I still went to the wedding and I knew some of the people there, so I had people to chat to, but I felt like I was on my own for most of the day.

However, you've said that he knows other people going to the wedding and that he's very sociable, so this shouldn't be too much of an issue.

I think the main issue I would have with all of this is that he hasn't explained why he doesn't want to go. And he's come to this decision very late in the day. It puts you in a very difficult position, because if people ask you where he is, you can't give them a reason. Also, the wedding will now become the elephant in the room (perhaps it already has). When you get home from the wedding, you probably won't be inclined to talk about it or show him photos or whatever.

Finally, I'm just wondering if he's jealous of you and of the attention you might be getting as bridesmaid? Is this strop a way of raining on your parade?

He sounds like a dick. Rude, arrogant, unsympathetic and is behaving like a child. I wouldn't take him and I'd seriously consider dumping him.

My OH would always do this. Say he wasn't sure if he was coming or not and drag it out for ages. As you say, really annoying and embarrassing when the Bride and Groom are trying to allocate numbers. He would then say he wasn't going to come, I would confirm with Bride and after that he would say "you obviously didn't want me to come!!" And he would then back track, and say "Well, do you want me to come? I'll come if you want " It was exhausting and as others have said, it is controlling.

I now ask once, and then go on my own!!

@Strawberrysaucee it will be better for you if he goes to his Dad’s otherwise he will 100% start a row with you when you get back from having had a good time without him.

I would tell him that actions have consequences. And that it's a shame he hasn't worked that out at his grand old age.

I would also tell him that you'll be repaying your friend the £115 she spent on his place at the wedding and so he'll just be getting a card for birthdays/Christmas until that money is repaid.

Your DH sounds like an absolute Doughnut. I think him staying at his Dad’s is the least he can do.

This - 1000% correct. Please OP-read @Campergirls1´s post several times-and leave him. He is an absusive controller..get away for your sake, and for your child's sake.

I think its a good idea to keep cards close to your chest and not provoke an abuser.
Leaving is the most dangerous time for a woman and the husband is already throwing his toys out the pram because the bride knows he doesn't want to do, what will he do when his friends know his true nature?

He sounds emotionally abusive. Puts you in a horrible position by saying he didn’t want to go and even more so - puts the responsibility on you to sort it with the bride. It was sorted without drama and you’re going with your mum. So in his mind, that didn’t put you through enough pain. So he then started to have a go at you for doing as he’d asked - because unsurprisingly the decision he made makes him look bad.
This is nothing to do with wanting to go to a wedding or not. It has everything to do with him wanting to abuse you.
Please get yourself free of this sick man!

Maybe read the full thread @KitBumbleB

Don't be quiet in his account @Strawberrysaucee Don't protect him.

If you seriously think it s a good idea to stay quiet and a bad idea to speak up, then that's called giving into bullies and controlling twats @KitBumbleB

Be very careful about telling people why he is not there, if it gets back to him via his friends it could make things very unpleasant for you.

He will probably go to his dad's and ignore you which means he will not be around to watch your child on the wedding day.

If not, I would expect "DH" to go out the night before and be uncontactable, or be hungover, or ill just to ruin your day.

I assume the bridal party have to be at the venue very early for hair and make up etc, please make sure someone is able to look after your child.

Well, some of us will pop over to yours and help him pack. And drive him to his dad's.

So he tried to guilt you into not going by saying HE wouldn't go, with no good explanation. And because that didn't work he's now saying he will go and that you've jumped the hanging. He's emotionally abusing you.

My answer to him when he says he's going to stay elsewhere would be 'I think that's for the best'

Let home go. Put a claim in for any benefits you might get and a CMS claim and then tell him it’s a permanent change. He can stay at his Dads. Also you really need to speak to someone to see if he meets the threshold for cohesive control.

Yes he doesn’t want to look like a dick just not going. However, he has done this as he wanted you stressed and bothered and ruin the wedding for you.

He probably wanted you to come up with an excuse, lie to your friend then he would drop you in with her. Tell her you knew he wasn’t coming in advance and he wanted to tell her, but you insisted you wait til the day and come up with a lie. It would be a good way to create a rift between you and your friend.

What a manipulative little shit. He's casting around for a way to bring you back to heel. He's tried guilting and blaming you for him not going to the wedding, which is a headfuck (deliberate) since he's the one who didn't want to go. Now he's on to self pity and goading you to beg him not to go to his dad's. He'll no doubt cycle round to anger, more blame (of you, never him,) sulking, love bombing...Let him go to his dad's and give yourself space to think about if this is what you want for you life.