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Original poster

To struggle with his scalp psoriasis? (attraction)

94 replies

VioletW · 05/09/2024 16:50

My partner has scalp psoriasis and I noticed it on the first date. Obviously, the rest outweighed that issue as here we are.

But a year later it does bother me at times. Some days it isn't noticeable and others it is really bad and flaky, and I have to be honest, looks gross.

Ive spoken to him about treatment and he dismissed it, saying he tried once and it's pointless. Also 'I don't care, I'm not trying to win beauty contests"

But he does have head and shoulders in the bathroom and uses it, so he must care a bit. Am I being very shallow?

OP posts:
Unforgettablefire · 05/09/2024 17:16

NeverDropYourMooncup · 05/09/2024 17:05

Just tell him that his disability/autoimmune disease that could shorten his lifespan by around 15-20 years makes you sick and see how that pans out.

Alternatively, his GP might prescribe a steroid lotion (they stink and sting frequently, also don't work a lot of the time, even if the GP is willing to prescribe) or refer him for medication that will mean you can't have kids without planning for them around a year in advance.

Psoriasis shortens the lifespan by 15/20 years? News to me.

AgnesX · 05/09/2024 17:10

Poor man. My aunt had terrible psoriasis and tried everything under the sun but when it flared up absolutely nothing worked.

It's not like he can help it, apart from spending loads of money on things that don't really help.

Have you bought anything for him?

brimfulofpacha · 05/09/2024 17:09

Just to give you the other side OP, I have scalp psoriasis too, and it is embarrassing because it can be flaky and get everywhere. I've tried literally everything over the years and nothing has worked. Dermatologist has given up tbh. Is it possible he has also been through the treatment options over the years and is fed up? He may be brushing it off because it's humiliating and he knows he's out of options.

If my partner mentioned mine, depending on how he broached it, I might be the same way... because what am I meant to do if even after over a year under a consultant trying endless treatments nothing has helped? After 40+ years of it I sometimes also think 'well who cares, I'm not trying to win any beauty contests, at the end of the day it's just my skin and hair (even though I know it looks gross a lot!) and people who say they love me will just have to accept it or walk away.' Not saying that's right, and ideally I'd do what I could to keep my partners attraction to me, but I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle with psoriasis and if there's moving he can do, what is he meant to say? I keep my hair tied up and as flake free as possible, that's about all I can do unless some radical new cure comes along. Some of the treatments are painful, some have nasty side effects, some make my hair stink, and all for nothing. Maybe your partner is at his limits too, and you will have to decide if you can accept it or not.

Mumof2namechange · 05/09/2024 17:08

VioletW · 05/09/2024 17:06

This is my concern.

I reckon he is probably already reading between the lines by me asking what he has tried.

Show quote history

Just leave him to work on it then I reckon. You've signalled how you feel about it. Now he might take his time to look into some strategies.

I don't think anything is to be gained by chasing him up to take action.

KitsyWitsy · 05/09/2024 17:07

T gel is the way.

he might not care how it looks but surely it’s uncomfortable?

Mumof2namechange · 05/09/2024 17:06

T gel and head and shoulders did nothing for me. The scalp scrub and brush were much better

Original poster
VioletW · 05/09/2024 17:06

Mumof2namechange · 05/09/2024 17:05

I have a very flaky scalp which I've wondered might be psoriasis. I've learned it's actually a sort of allergy to my own dead skin.

Anyway I've found that deep cleaning my scalp once a week or so with a scalp scrub and a silicone shampoo brush really helps. I wash my hair twice a week in total. It's really getting better.

I don't know what you can do about your bf. I'd feel very very sensitive if my dh criticised me for it.

This is my concern.

I reckon he is probably already reading between the lines by me asking what he has tried.

OP posts:
lostoldname · 05/09/2024 17:05

Try faith in Nature coconut shampoo.

Mumof2namechange · 05/09/2024 17:05

I have a very flaky scalp which I've wondered might be psoriasis. I've learned it's actually a sort of allergy to my own dead skin.

Anyway I've found that deep cleaning my scalp once a week or so with a scalp scrub and a silicone shampoo brush really helps. I wash my hair twice a week in total. It's really getting better.

I don't know what you can do about your bf. I'd feel very very sensitive if my dh criticised me for it.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 05/09/2024 17:05

Just tell him that his disability/autoimmune disease that could shorten his lifespan by around 15-20 years makes you sick and see how that pans out.

Alternatively, his GP might prescribe a steroid lotion (they stink and sting frequently, also don't work a lot of the time, even if the GP is willing to prescribe) or refer him for medication that will mean you can't have kids without planning for them around a year in advance.

DisappearingGirl · 05/09/2024 17:02

My partner says coal tar shampoo is good, and coal tar moisturiser for skin. It smells a bit odd but not unpleasant

LettyToretto · 05/09/2024 17:02

Berga · 05/09/2024 16:59

If you have lasted a year and it's only now really really bothering you, I'd question whether you're just over the relationship in general.

Agree. Just sounds like you're getting The Ick

Ablondiebutagoody · 05/09/2024 17:01

It's fine that you hate it. Sounds like he does too but is resigned to living with it. Just explain that you want to help him sort it out if possible and keep your fingers crossed.

Berga · 05/09/2024 16:59

If you have lasted a year and it's only now really really bothering you, I'd question whether you're just over the relationship in general.

OrwellianTimes · 05/09/2024 16:58

You have to tell him (gently but firmly) or else live in silence!

Original poster
VioletW · 05/09/2024 16:57

@OrwellianTimes I hope not.

But every so often, when it's really bad, it does turn my stomach. I hate to say that

OP posts:
OrwellianTimes · 05/09/2024 16:53

Well of course it’s fine for you not to like it, you can talk to him about how you find it off putting, but you can’t force him to do anything about it.

Is it a dealbreaker?

Original poster
VioletW · 05/09/2024 16:53

It even ends up on my clothes sometimes just from cuddling and interacting. He gets embarrassed when that happens.

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 05/09/2024 16:53

Try T-Gel every now and then. Smells a bit funky but is very soothing and can stop the itch. Worth a go I reckon.