Ex withholding child maintenance?

@kp35
I got this from the gov.uk website

“Collect and Pay
The Child Maintenance Service can collect payments from the paying parent and pass them on to the receiving parent. They can take the payment directly from the paying parent’s:

• earnings (arranged with their employer)
• bank account (by Direct Debit)
• benefits or pension

www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service/payments

I think his employer would know if that was the case, yes.

It is totally up to him to avoid that happening if he pays what CMS have determined he should every month on time.

That's disgraceful. Go through CMS.

Financial support is entirely separate from contact.

This “wonderful” man is being ridiculous to conflate the two!

Get on to CMS and tell them what has happened. They will probably let him make regular payments by standing order in the first instance. The MOMENT he fails to pay get back to them. They will take it directly from him & 20% for admin. You will lose a small percentage (4%) I think, but it’s worth it to have regular payments.

As far as contact goes I would let him take you to court (especially as he’s not on the birth cert) to make those arrangements if you aren’t happy with him having overnight contact with your child.

Keep any documentation to the effect you have offered incremental increases in contact for the wellbeing of your child which the father has rejected.

Do not engage with him except through one specific email account for the purpose of minimal information sharing regarding your child. Refuse to engage on any other subject.

best wishes xx

This and tell his friends and family the wonderful man isn't paying child maintenance for his DC.

Yes, once CMS is involved it adds a middle 'man' and reduces the emotions involved, you'll get it reviewed every year and they'll tell him how much he has to pay and to change the standing order to.

I love this succinct reply!

Whatever you do, don’t agree to every weekend, you need weekends with your DS too on days that don’t have the work/nursery/school weekend.

This

He might be. Certainly if he is up to date with his CMS and is being a responsible Dad it's highly likely that YOU might give consent and smooth the way. Otherwise he'll have to get a court order which will cost him. If he's bothered enough, he'll get on with it.

Given the level of flakiness so far, I see no reason why you would proactively put this in place.

It’s good that you went to CMS.

Assuming that you work Monday to Friday, don’t give him every weekend. You should keep every other weekend for baby to spend time with you and your side of the family. Changing the status quo later will be a pita so you should start as you go on.

I would wait to see if he took the legal route. Yanbu to think that contact should be built up from a 1 night weekend to 2 then 3 (if he can pick up before bedtime on Friday night) and it won’t be looked at unfavourably so don’t worry about that.

Not sure why he's decided to try and step up now. - Maybe he wants to pay less CM.

I would actually just block him if he has other ways to get in touch like through your address.
Until he sorts the BC out he has nothing more to do with you or your baby than anyone else you pass on the street.

Whilst I wouldn't standing the way of their relationship, you also don't need the stress and he can get in touch via letter from himself or a solicitor. If he isn't up for doing that and going to a bit of effort he's likely to be flaky for the next 18 years

Don't engage-straight to CMS.

Why on earth would you put him on the birth certificate? Especially when he has been as flakey as hell.

It gives him control - you'll need his consent for all kinds of stuff. So he could be a complete dead beat dad for the next 18 years and make your life a misery
It certainly won't make him pay CMS. He has to do that any way.

https://www.gov.uk/parental-rights-responsibilities

Good for you op. Well as he is not on the birth certificate then he currently has zero parental rights over the child. This won't effect the child maintenance fortunately but does mean he has no rights to contact at all and you are in control.

Not saying you should with hold contact at all but it's a good thing to remember should he start taking the piss, refusing to bring DC back or starts making demands about extras time. I'm hoping it remains amicable of course but I think I've read about too many areshole exes on here to not be wary.

Re CMS I wonder if you will find out you are actually due significantly more then he has been giving you so far. I imagine he will kick off when he finds out. Don't drop it.

@kp35 ,

It is easy to be too nice as you still think of him as someone you were close to and the father of your child.

I am lucky enough that me and my ex wife amicably co-parent and we both want to give out children the best.

But, if someone is being a hard arse, going arms length and using the law is the only way to go.

I’d leave him to apply to Court, mediation will probably be suggested as a first step though.
Think about what you’d agree to contact wise. Definitely not every weekend as you’ll never see your child. I was forced to do that initially - it was awful. I got to do all the hard work and he was just Disney dad.

Just leave him to it,the longer he waits the older your baby gets andit wnt do him any harm whilst he is so small.

Go via CMS, call them now to get the ball rolling. If he disagrees he can get a DNA test at his expense, and if he wants contact he can apply to the court to be added it's a simple process. I wouldn't be wasting any more headspace on him. And I wouldn't be sending my baby hours away from me to someone who can't agree to medical intervention should he need it As he has no PR.