Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Patronising DP telling me to 'please' do things or

38 replies

CallyT · 05/09/2024 13:15

First of all he is foreign but more or less fluent in English. He is also fluent in other languages and he's learning a new language now.

I used to live in Italy before covid. The other night he asked what a word meant
in Italian and I couldn't remember

The next morning at breakfast he randomly says 'please start reading/watching things in Italian again so you don't lose the language'

A month or so ago we were killing time before a ferry ride and beforehand as I was going to the toilet he said 'please dont be longer than 10 mins' as though I am usually. I said don't tell me what to do!

Is it just me or is he addressing me like he's the parent and I'm the child?

OP posts:
Connected1 · 05/09/2024 14:08

CallyT · 05/09/2024 13:15

Title fail! The 'or' created an element of surprise but was a mistake 🙂

Yes, it sounds like he was threatening you "or else........" 😬

TheCultureHusks · 05/09/2024 14:07

CallyT · 05/09/2024 13:39

Good one. Wouldn't go down very well!

Show quote history

Then that needs to be said too.

‘Please think about the way you respond to criticism. If I tell you that I find you patronising and rude in the way you speak to me, it would be better for you to take that on board and open yourself to a conversation about it, rather than getting angry and dismissing my opinion. You can do the latter of course, but you are more likely to eventually find yourself removed from my life: the patronising instructions are bad enough, the refusing to listen to my feelings make it worse. You are running the risk of me no longer thinking that you are worth being with.’

How’s that for patronising?! He doles it out, he can take it 🤣

carrotcard · 05/09/2024 14:06

CallyT · 05/09/2024 13:21

@fruitbrewhaha I was maybe taking a bit longer at the time as I have Endometriosis and has a heavy period. But I was late for nothing, we were really early for the ferry as it was.

then he was trying to make sure you were aware the ferry would go soon.

I agree his comment on your language skills is patronising. It's up to you if you keep the skills or not.

The loo thing though is something that is just a way of saying please be quick as I'm worried we'll miss the ferry so don't spend longer than necessary. (My step daughter will often get caught in a day dream in the bathroom)

afaloren · 05/09/2024 14:03

DH does this sometimes. You’re right, it is annoying. DH is a very senior manager at work and I always say, ‘I don’t work for you!’

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/09/2024 14:01

Laughter is best. "Please don't spend more than 10 minutes in the loo" <laugh> "whatever, weirdo".

Paganpentacle · 05/09/2024 13:55

Politeness is everything.

As in.... 'Please STFU husband'

ilovesooty · 05/09/2024 13:42

CallyT · 05/09/2024 13:39

Good one. Wouldn't go down very well!

Show quote history

"I don't like you saying please to me in that way. I find it patronising."

Original poster
CallyT · 05/09/2024 13:39

SpringKitten · 05/09/2024 13:22

Alternatively you could try a more direct “you really can be a patronising prick, and no I don’t know how to say that in Italian before you ask.”

Good one. Wouldn't go down very well!

OP posts:
SpringKitten · 05/09/2024 13:22

Alternatively you could try a more direct “you really can be a patronising prick, and no I don’t know how to say that in Italian before you ask.”

Original poster
CallyT · 05/09/2024 13:21

@fruitbrewhaha I was maybe taking a bit longer at the time as I have Endometriosis and has a heavy period. But I was late for nothing, we were really early for the ferry as it was.

OP posts:
SpringKitten · 05/09/2024 13:20

On the face of it Yabu as it sounds like normal conversation, but tone and context and body language are everything.

If you feel he is patronising you then that’s what counts.

if my dh does this, I become extremely childish or sarcastic eg pretend to have forgotten Italian entirely and speak with a dreadful accent. Or re the loo incident I might reply “oh I was planning on taking a massive dump and then doing a full-face of makeup before we board, don’t we have time then?”

Not proud of myself but if he’s asking for it…

fruitbrewhaha · 05/09/2024 13:19

God that would be irritating. It takes as long as it takes to go to the loo, I doubt you were going to faff about in a port toilet.

Id probably point out he is being patronising and needs to think about what he is saying, he isnt in charge of you.

Original poster
CallyT · 05/09/2024 13:15

Title fail! The 'or' created an element of surprise but was a mistake 🙂

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread