How not to let the school mums get to me

Agreed.

"Stop that, people are looking"
Is a damaging thing to say to a happy kid.

@ZiggyZowie that's such a shame for your daughter, and you having to have the comments and witness it all. People are horrible and they will try and grind down anyone that doesn't fit their narrow perceptions of what they think is normal .. screw those people ..

And @tuvamoodyson maybe you should so some of that... Lighten up, be silly.. dare. To. Be. Stoopid.

There is NOTHING wrong with being weird. Embrace that weird. Be ALL the weird. What is wrong here is the normative pressure created by parents/carers desperate to fit in, which rubs off on their kids and then creates an uninclusive environment for the children to socialise in. Be there for all the weird kids and normalise acceptance and inclusion!

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this.
I too had this happen to me as I indeed have a "weird" kid.
They would stare and whisper, both the mothers and the children.
My daughter looks odd, her eyes are vacant and she did stuff like forward rolling on the pavement,flapping her hands and other things.
She is learning disabled but not to a large extent.
She never got invited to kids houses,nor parties , she used to be happy but they made her so unhappy with their comments. The bullying got worse and I had to remove her from the school.
I also got funny looks, I heard them commenting on my clothes too.
She is now grown up,lives in her own house,has a pet cat, but cannot work. She still gets comments if she goes out,nasty local kids.
My daughter is now 26 years old . I am her only friend 🥺

I probably wouldn’t do any of that….

School mums are the worst! They are the living, breathing version of Mean Girls.

They usually all went to the same primary and secondary school. They also haven't progressed further than their own postcode and see social media as the Holy Mecca of life. They also rear vile, unkind miniature versions of themselves.

Take your DD to school and pick her up. That's it. You do not need these people. Get your DD involved in clubs outside of school to brusden her friendship circle and social skills.

I am sorry to hear you are going through this situation. It is easy to suggest you should not let it bother you, but I know it is not that simple. I completely understand why it matters to you. School is a big part of both your life and your daughter's and having a better relationship with the other parents could make things feel a lot easier. I wouldn't give up.
Are you sure aall parents are super close and completely in sync? Out of say 30 there are bound to be a few who might feel they don't fit either. Start by connecting with them first. I would not give up. Some people are just shy!

You could also ask your child who her favourite classmates are and considering inviting them to do something fun - a movie, a meal out, or a playdate. Something that can strengthen the kids' friendships and give them a chance to get your daughter better.

They sounds horrible to be saying things about a child. Shes a CHILD! They dont all have to "grow up" at 8 years old let her be a child, as for the parents- who cares what they think they sound horrible!! She wants to skip into school then let her! Theyre only small once and they should be able to enjoy it their way!!

Get there bang on time so you minimise waiting around as much as possible. Focus 100% of your energy on her rather than any energy on these bitchy idiots. Honestly, just turn up as the door is opening (learn to time it so you can do this as much as poss), drop/collect and leave without so much as a second glance at them.

We moved from a city to a village 6 years ago and my oldest DC had to move into the local primary. All of the parents already knew one another and not one of them made any effort to get to know us. I tried really hard at first to make small talk, make sure I smiled and greeted them etc but they just often looked at me like I had two heads or ignored me entirely. I was upset at first but soon learnt to do as I said above.

It's not entirely the same situation as you but my son has Global Development Delay so he is developmentally younger then all his classmates. Some of the kids call him a baby etc. And their mothers always correct them saying, "he's not baby, he's a little boy just like you". When they ask why my son is in a pram or highchair etc. Their mums just say, "because he wants to, we all like different things". They have NEVER called him weird. So all this is to say, those mothers sound like arseholes! People know how to act, they are being rude.

You describe your daughter as happy and content, these tend to be the kids that get "noticed". She's living her best life with no second thought to what anyone else thinks! This is not a weakness, this is most definitely a strength! Don't let anyone dull her sparkle! ✨

Totally agree with this.

Also, you need to be confident as you walk in and out that school, even if you feel wobbly. Head up, shoulders back. Show how proud you are of your girl and they can sod off!

Very much this.

It's hard being the odd one out, I felt like that often. All the mums knew each other, went to school together and it was just weird. Your daughter is 8, there's no harm in skipping in to school, yeah its hard being the youngest because that gives almost a whole year between some of the older ones and at that age it can be a huge difference but honestly parents talking about it and calling her names it's not on. Imagine being so weirded out by an 8 year old that skips, like shuv off. You've not long to go now till she leaves and then high school is a whole new ball game, no more arsehole mums :)

Their opinion isn't important, dies she have friends in the class? School should be backing you up and letting parents know it's not acceptable, especially whennthey are saying it in front of their kids and it could cause bullying. It's bang out of order

Drop off and leave, pick up and leave.

Absolutely.

Also, if they’re this suspicious, gossipy and unfriendly, why would the OP have the remotest interest in getting their seal of approval? It’s a bit like ‘Waah, they’re awful! Why don’t they like me?’

Do you want a weird happy kid?
Or a dull unhappy one?

Do you want to foster a unique person that is playful, inquisitive? Clever? And has a spark? Or do you want to hammer her into a lump of grey clay?

People think I'm weird... .thing is, I live in my head, I know I'm weird.
Better weird and me than some version of me the world wishes me to be. Fuck that poopy poops.

Be weird. Weirder the better. Don't walk into school, skip, hop, laugh, sing. If anyone stares, stick the Vs up and scream bollocks at them whilst twirling and jumping in puddles with your daughter who is an individual and not a faceless lump on her way to the meat grinder.

Why do you want them to get to know you? They sound horrible. And they are teaching their children that if someone is a bit different or doesn’t fit into the exact mould that they’ve decided is ‘normal’ then there is something with them. You don’t want to invite that spite and fear of non conformity into your life.

These people, their thoughts and their opinions are irrelevant. They aren’t your friends or your family or your bosses. In a couple of years, you wouldn’t recognise them if you bumped into them in the street. So hold your head up high and don’t give a shit what they think. They can shove their opinions in their earholes.

You're not just like them. You're nice. They are twats. They are grown adults that bitch about 8 year olds. How horrible and frankly, embarrassing.

Don't aspire to be treated as equals to these people. They're not worth your time.

Hold her hand and skip into the school with her. Really go for it. Then give her a massive hug and kiss, tell her she's amazing and wave her off confidently.

Then bowl it out of there with your head held high.

You are there for her, not for them. Who gives a flying fuck what they think? They mean nothing and you've got, what three years left of that school? After that they will mean less than nothing. You'll barely remember them.

This is where your thinking is really off and your self-worth far too dependant on the opinion of other people.

The reality is even if they got to know you, they still may not care for you. That's just life. We all aren't suited to be friends, and it just doesn't matter. You don't need these people to like you to live your life.

But so what, though? Is it having a negative impact on your daughter’s life and friendships? If not, don’t worry about it.

At the school DS attended till he was 8, I was definitely ‘weird’ by the standards of the other mothers of his classmates, most of whom had all attended the same school themselves — in fairness, it wasn’t hard to stand out there, as will be clear when I say that I was ‘weird’ because I was a foreigner who worked FT and cycled everywhere. It never had a negative impact on DS. I invited children he liked for play dates, regardless of whether I liked the parents. Anyone can grin and bear it over a coffee or a handover at the door. He has very good memories of the school.

What do the mums say when you invite their children over for a playdate?

This!

Is your kid happy and making friends? Enjoying school? That’s the main thing. Does she do clubs out of school with likeminded kids? 8-10 is a weird age for girls. Some seem very streetwise and others more babyish. The balance usually rights itself later on, I wouldn’t worry.

I had a similar experience with a similar child. It was a minority of parents who weren't nice and they tended to have unkind children. You won't have to deal with them when the kids move on to secondary school, but until then just try and ignore the mean ones and interact with the nice ones.