To ask if you have a person that you think about a lot?

Only drop off and pick ups when ds was little.

I also hate him too. I refuse to have anything to do with someone who behaved like he did. Yet l think about him every day. I miss us being young together. We had so much in common.

It's all fantasy though isn't it?

Comparing the warm and fuzzies to the stability, dependability, settled feeling combined with monotony & irritability that comes with living with someone and being together long term. When the novelty and excitement simmers down a bit. So I feel like the comparison is never fair if that makes sense?

You're comparing a true reality with a current partner to an edited or glossier version of a previous partner, so I think that's why it happens. I do the same. But need to try to focus on the fact you're comparing the reality of a true relationship and living together to the idea of someone and the early phases of relationships/getting to know people where everything is sparky and they seem perfect - like they don't leave their pants on the floor, stick out the bathroom, or take the bins out! When the reality is they do all of this and probably have their own irritating quirks or negatives that are different to your current partners.

I had a dream about someone from my past just last night and woke up feeling sort of upset and then had a firm word with myself 😅😅

Your situation sounds very normal totally exhausted after looking after 2 young children. Don't throw it away for a fantasy relationship that would implode so many peoples lives

Nope,not at all.

I think feelings like this are very common, and not necessarily indicative of problems in your current relationship. You'll know the difference between nostalgic feelings that you will never act on, and an actual desire to be with somebody else. As long as you're honest about which of these it is you're feeling...

I do this. At one point it sent me a bit mad, it was like I had an imaginary friend.

Definitely a what could have been issue. I would love to see them again, not for anything to come of it, we're both married but just to see.

Yep. I knew him (way too) fleetingly It's been a few years, so I don't think about him every day. But it's still often ☺️

I'm single, so nothing's spoiling. I don't know where he is now: no social media connection, no messages these days 😥

He's welcome back anytime 🙏 He helped me greatly when I needed it. And left me better placed to deal with life; for that I'll always be grateful 💜💜💜

I think it's OK to give this sort of thing a fleeting thought, but you sound rather consumed by it. You are also deliberately feeding it by doing things like posting on here, and (I'm assuming) not doing much to combat the stream of thoughts in real life.

You're human, I get it, it happens, but your partner categorically does not deserve this and I think you need to be doing more to not allow yourself to wallow in these memories and feelings.

Yes, I met him when I was 19, it's been over 25 years. We are still in touch, incredibly, but oceans apart. Wonder if we will ever get the chance, ever. It's lovely to have such strong feelings, but also so hard, and whilst I would never regret where I am today, I know we are both full of regret that we never went for it before life happened.

Yes. The father of my ds who left 28 years ago. We met when we were 20. I think about him a lot. He was the love of my life. We kind of grew up together. I think about him every day. Even though he left.

Im 60 now, Happily married, more children.

I'm 45. Met DH when I was 19 at uni and we got married at 23. I love the bones of him and wouldn't change anything about our life.

But...

I can't stop thinking about my teenage boyfriend. I remember clearly seeing him on the very first day of high school and instantly fell in love. I didn't even know his name (large school and in different classes) for two years but thought about him constantly. We then ended up in the same friendship group and we really clicked. We could hang out and talk for hours and shared some really deep and personal stuff. He asked me out and I was the happiest I'd ever been. I was only 15 and we didn't go any further than snogging. He cheated on me with another girl from school after only three weeks and made a big deal about how we were only ever meant to be friends shouldn't have tried anything more. I was utterly heartbroken and our friendship didn't really survive afterwards anyway so I lost him on all levels.

We had a funny brief thing in the summer between leaving school and going to uni. Ran into each other one day and ended up walking and talking. Met up a few more times and on one occassion there was definite chemistry and we very nearly got together before he pulled away, saying it would be a mistake.

We then met at a party when I was already with DH but he couldn't come so I attended alone. This guy spoke to me all night and then apologised for what he had done when we were 15. He said he knew I was with someone else but he thought it was finally the right time for us and asked me to be with him. I turned him down.

The funny thing is that DH has always reminded me of him and that's what attracted me to him in the first place. I wouldn't give up a single second of the life I've had with DH and even if this other guy turned up on the doorstep tomorrow, wanting to whisk me away, I wouldn't throw anything away. It's more that I wish we'd had a proper go of it in the past before I met DH. Maybe I would have had better closure in that instance. Or maybe it's the loss of that particualrly close friendship that I miss? I don't really have close friends and maybe I'm projecting too much on this other guy. The thoughts about him really started during lockdown and haven't gone away since. It kind of makes sense as I think lots of people used that time in relfection on their lives. I just wish I could switch it off now. It was 30 years ago and I'm happy fgs.

Yes, although it has faded over the years and I know I’m much better with the wonderful person I’m with.

I wonder if men think the same or if they all just forget us 🤔😂

I would guess you are slightly bored and not fully satisfied with your current life, even if it looks good on paper. When things feel flat and we are missing the excitement and promise of our younger selves, it is easy to start thinking we could rewrite history to recapture that, but it is not true. You didn't want to go out with him when you could, and you would do better now to seek fulfillment in your current life than to ruminate about past events.

I do. Met when I was 16, he's a few years older. Never actually got together but both have strong feelings. He worked abroad for quite a few years, we used to write emotional letters to each other for a long time (which we both still have buried in our lofts somewhere!)
Really strong feelings but life just didn't work out that way for us. He got married 25 years ago (annoyingly he met his wife where he was working abroad)I got married 15 years ago. We meet up about once a year and go for a drink, both being careful not to over-step boundaries but there are feelings still there for both of us.
I have a fantasy that we'll grow old together but it will probably never happen! I do love my dh but he's a lot older than me so quite likely to die first someday, hence the fantasy being vaguely plausible - not sure how the wife of my friend disappears from the picture!
Have a nice warm glow when I think of him though.

I've done this quite a bit over the years. This sort of daydreaming, I think, points to something missing in your current relationship. It's worth paying close attention to find out what that might be, and whether it can be fixed.

What I mean is that the person you daydream about seems to embody certain qualities, whether they actually do or not... consider what you associate them with. Sometimes it might just be that they are inextricably linked to a stage in your life that for some reason feels incomplete, e.g. if you married young and never really had fun; or they might represent something else, such as financial or emotional security, that you feel is lacking from your life right now.

I don't think OP has said she's thinking of leaving her family? It read clearly to me as though she's fully intending to remain committed

What makes you think he would want to be with you now anyway. All this thinking about leaving your family to be with him is very presumptious.

I'm so sorry, you must miss him terribly. What wonderful memories to treasure though, most people don't get to experience that kind of love in their lives. 💗

Yes, my first love, we were together for four years. I've really been thinking about him a lot when my last relationship ended 10 years ago. I realize he's the only person I was ever with that actually got me and I felt 100% comfortable with so I think that's why I think about him a lot. I have never met anyone that I connected with or felt that at ease with.

Sounds like 7 year itch to me.

I think of my long dead DH many times a day. He really was my great love. I'm a bit weird (ASD) but he just got me. We had so much fun. He was sexy, kind and trustworthy. I feel so lucky to have had him, even for 17 years.

But you chose your current partner over him at the time, OP. You weren’t sexually attracted to him. Why not honour the version of you that made that free choice, and see it as a valid one? Perfectly possible that if you’d decided to give it a go, you’d have had a few grim days or weeks where you had bad sex and realised you really didn’t fancy him, and in the meantime your current partner had made other arrangements.