AIBU for expecting my partner to leave our house to me in his will?

I am the one with a daughter DH is childless. He has a life interest in our house so can live in it or use the money for a different house till he dies, but ultimately it goes to DD.
We sat DD down and explained all this to her and that depending on inheritance tax rules if I was to die first she may get nothing till DH dies. We explained our reasoning.
No nasty surprises no disappointed expectations - this is the most important thing with wills if you decide something that may cause problems talk about it.

@Natwestbit It's about lifetime guarantee to live in the house rather than give it to the kids so it's not so different. It was from one of the kids point of view rather than the new partner.

Are you significantly younger than him OP? Did you both contribute similar amounts to the house? Your answers to these questions are important. As others have said it's good to see a parent putting their children first for a change in this situation. If however you are similar ages and have contributed similar amounts letting you stay in the house until death would be fair.

Just this! Most people wait until both parents die to inherit anything. Most people are happy for their parents money to give them better quality /more choice in care. He isn't thinking of you. Buy your own place. Having to move out of your house after a partners death when possibly in your 80's would be horrendous and could possibly take you away from a support network when you need it most.

Yes you are being unreasonable and even if he leaves the house to you, he can make a new will at any time. You are also unreasonable not to have discussed your financial affairs at the time you decided to live together and not get married. Both of you should see a solicitor and sort that out.

Neither of you are wrong, you're just not in agreement.

I bought a house with my partner this year, both have children from a previous marriage, we are not married to each other. Therefore, our respective estates still go to each of our DC. We are in our forties, so this suits us for now. We have agreed to review it in a few years/if we decide to get married. We have put into the house evenly and have the same number of DC each, so all feels fair and good. We bought tenants in common to ensure it was easy, again this can be changed if we want.

So you had a baby with the man you were married to 18 months ago and now you’re buying a house with this chap, who you have been with for less than a year?

I’d take a bit more time to pause, think, not rush, and make sure you’re on the same page with everything.

He can put it in trust so it goes to his kids on YOUR death. Tbh I wouldn't buy a house with him and I most certainly wouldn't buy a house with him unless you're married and have sought legal advice

I wouldn't be happy and I would not buy a house under these circumstances with him.

That is not the same situation. Op and her partner are planning to buy a house together.

How old are the children?

I'd be asking for there to be a clause written, stating that you can stay in the house for a set time before needing to sell.

This is what happened when FIL died, his wife (DH stepmum) was welcome to stay for 3 years (she didn't own any of the house) even though she had her own property that she rented out. It just felt right, there's no way she could have managed the grief and having to move immediately. As it was, she didn't wait the 3 years and gave her tenants notice then moved into her flat months later.

You're buying a house together. That's to have a roof over both your heads, not sweep it away if one dies. The kids aren't buying it, you are, so if it needs to be sold at some point for care fees so be it. It isn't their house.
I wouldn't buy with him because he could change his will at any time without you knowing. He's showing you how much he cares about your security in later years.

In this sensation I am one of the "children". We are in our 40s and our dad's house was in trust to us but new wife can live there until she dies. They were married for 10 years before he died and she was a lot younger get than him and she had/has her own money. She has now retired early living in the mortgage free joint house whilst we have to wait. She could buy her own house be obviously chooses not to.

Simple don't buy a house with him. Id also be rethinking the relationship of someone who wants you to move from your house on his death. Yanbu

in these circumstances I would suggest a 3 year grace period?

This

Its really so important to be aligned on your plans and vision for the future and ensure you discuss all these things BEFORE commiting to someone via cohabitation, marriage or children.

Do not buy together unless there is a clear agreement that you are happy with.
Also be aware if he is doing it to keep you quiet he might change his will after you buy.

Also if you are a "newmama23" is that child not his?

So whilst dealing with the grief of losing him, lets say your ~75 years old when this happens, he loves you that much that he wants you to sell up and half the house proceeds go to his kids. Not a care about you or what you will do at this point in your life? 🚩

You only need to read some of the threads on here to see why life interests can be a nightmare. He's putting his children first - as should you. If you unexpectedly died next year would you want him to have/stay in the house indefinitely - what if he met someone else? How old are all your children, are they likely to want to maintain a relationship with the partners once their parent dies?

I think he’s right. Why should his children wait for their inheritance while an unrelated person lives in their half a house for potentially decades?
Much depends on circumstances, ages, length of relationship though.
I assume you’re happy for him to live in your half a property for as long as he likes after you die?
Seen too many people upset their children by prioritising their latest partner. Children come first to me.

I think also as there are stepchildren concerned, what if after he died you met someone else? On the face of it, it seems harsh but it is probably practical (also as PP said, you are not left homeless). It's proposed a good idea for you to think about these scenarios for yourself and your children and then for you to both to sit down and have a chat. It seems uncomfortable but it's good to get it sorted now

I'd be talking to him about different options.

Can he take out life insurance for his dc instead of the house having to be sold? I agree his half should go to his dc, but not as a result of you being g made homeless

The Will is fine. You just need to write the property into trust so that you get to stay there if he does and the children inherit after you've died.
It's a pretty standard clause.

Whilst the remaining spouse living in the house is a logical option

it can be a nightmare for the kids
as it’s there’s and they have to fund maintaining it yet can free any cash up

guy I used to work with had this the house was going to rack and ruin and stepmum couldn’t maintain it

he couldn’t afford to pay
also the council put a charge against it when she went into care which took forever to sort

he was stuck in rented whilst stepmum lived in massive crumbling house

I do think there’s middle ground a few years grace to sort things rather than immediately

Even if he doesn't want his DC to wait until your death to inherit, it would be more reasonable to allow you to stay living in the house for a year or two. I've recently lost my husband and getting through the grief and then all the associated admin is awful, so I wouldn't want to be being badgered to get the house up for sale too. If he won't even allow you a grace period then I personally wouldn't go ahead with buying a property together.

Edited to add: if you go ahead, then take the mortgage as tenants in common, not joint tenants, to protect your half of the house. Either will it to your DC immediately, like he's doing, or leave it in trust to them and give him a lifetime interest, if you're feeling more charitable than he is.

@GuestFeatu makes a good point about care costs too, the future is unpredictable and his children could end up with nothing. I do think immediately is a bit drastic though, he could at least give you a year to sort things out!