AIBU for expecting my partner to leave our house to me in his will?

So. Your ‘friend’ is putting all the money into the house? And he is doing what? Paying half the mortgage?

If he died in 5 years the amount the kids would get would be tiny, as he isn’t putting any deposit in? It would literally be half the equity between purchase and him dying?

Tell me she intended on protecting her deposit? In all honesty, I think he is more sensible than her. She hasn’t really thought about it all. If she does in 5 years she wants him to live in a house where more of the equity belongs to her own kids than it does him?

and people who want to leave life time interest often forget that the person living in it may not keep up to it, may need adaptations, may do things to the house that reduce its value. It’s can be a legal headache for the kids.

Can’t there be a compromise. One died the other gets 2 years before the house has to be sold?

Very confused about you having a friend who isn’t ‘online’ though. If she was online she would be able to look into what she is doing and then get legal advice.

I think he's doing the right thing. Why should his children have to wait while dad's girlfriend stays in the house.

FWIW I wouldn't buy a house with a boyfriend in any case so not a balanced view.

I think there’s an issue with owning half a house and being unable to sell it. You could lose any first time buyer benefits, have to pay additional stamp duty, be liable for repair costs, the building could be under maintained and lose value. It can be really difficult.

It’s probably better if there’s any other money pension, life insurance for that all to be left to the children and house to partner. Or take out a lump sum on a mortgage and give it to the children early.

It could be loads depending on what happens to house prices - we are talking several decades potentially before either of them dies, unless they are both in their 70s now.

Imagine that they buy somewhere for 200k and the friend puts in 50k and the rest is mortgage. Then when the man dies, the house is now worth 500k (really not beyond the realms of possibility). The mortgage is paid off and his share is 225k. If the friend is by now older, no way can she raise a mortgage for that to buy anyone out. You can’t get a mortgage when you’re elderly unless you have an income. So she would have to sell her home.

I can see the argument of a PP who said that she’s been saving money for her DS since before she met her DP so would not want him to wait for his inheritance. This is different- this man will only have something to leave his kids due to the OP and her financing the deposit and allowing him to benefit from the increase in house prices. It takes about 10 years for an average person to save up 50k on their own. If he has nothing now, he’d have no chance of buying anything for ages, by which time his mortgage options would be more restricted. I’m afraid his children, who should thank their lucky stars he met the OP, can wait.

This. Protect your money and assetts OP.

I mostly agree with your partner for quite a few reasons but I would allow a grace period to allow you to grief a d then get sorted out.

This is why people need to review wills regularly. Not write a will in their 30s or 40s and expect the same will to be relevant 35 years later when their circumstances wrt to finance, income, parental responsibilities and life expectancy are all different.

Same. But I wouldn't buy a house with a partner.

YANBU to want some security but he is NBU to want his children to inherit. The best thing to do is just not buy together. Keep your own independence and then he can leave whatever is his to his DC.

I’m the child in this scenario. I don’t want to wait until my father’s wife dies to inherit. She’s likely to live 20+ years longer than my dad. There’s also the issue that she has never worked and would have no income to maintain a large house and land. She could buy a smaller property with her share (33%), so it seems sensible to sell immediately. Now I’m thinking about it, I need to ask our solicitor if me and my sister (jointly inheriting 67%) can force a sale.

Your friend and her partner should have a chat with a financial advisor and/or solicitor to explore all the various options open to them. Then they can make a fully informed choice and hopefully find a solution which works for them both.

I can see both points of view.

Your priority must be your long term security. Make sure if he leaves his half to the children that you do exactly the same on your Will.

For me I think the decider would be the likely value of the house. Would the value be enough so that with 50% you could fully buy yourself a nice, smaller retirement property? If yes then that's a valid option. Don't spend more than him on home improvements though. His choice has made it strictly 50% on everything house value related.

If 50% of the value wouldn't be enough to buy something suitable or would, even worse, leave you without somewhere to live, then I wouldn't buy a house with this man.

Do you both have your own homes now? If so perhaps rent them out and use the proceeds to rent somewhere together. It preserves your own existing homes for the future.

Personally the bit of money I've got in my house is the only money I've got and I want it to go to my DS. He's not selfish or assuming anything. It's my savings that I worked hard for and I want it to help him in his life.

So his share will only be half the equity above her deposit. So not a lot, and she should be able to buy his kids out fairly easily. What's the issue? Would she want him to sit on her £50k and not release it to her kids if she dies first?

That's not acceptable. Don't buy a house on these terms.

Yes that's the case when the parents are still together and both the parents of the adult kids. When it's a blended family it's different.
when one of my parents dies I would want the other to live in their house until they can't or they die. However if I die before my DH I would want and expect him to sell the house at some point to downsize and give my DS his share. It might sound harsh but I saved money before I met my DH for my son and I don't think he should have to wait decades to get that money.
Same applies if he died before me. His share is smaller and my earning power is better so I will likely be able to keep the house and just buy his kids out but that's what I would do. I wouldn't sit on their share until my death.

@EI12 His children are his priority. If you were, he would have married you. Run away!

Why is it a bad thing if his children are his priority?!
I’m remarried and we both have children from first marriages. We both think our children are our priority! And we have got married. But bottom line, emotionally, practically, financially - our children are more important to us ultimately than we are to each other.
Getting married didn’t change that pecking order 😆 We both re-did wills immediately to be sure it didn’t. Of course we sometimes prioritise each other in day to day life… but when the chips are down, the big stuff: I choose my kids over a man any day, and I love that I’ve found a man who feels the same.

He can put a clause in it to say that you would live there until you die then it passes to his children.
Personally I think it's right his children get his half and your children get yours, but with the clause attached.

Seeing as she’s the one with the money, it would be far far worse if he married her so hopefully he won’t get any ideas. What a dick. If it wasn’t for the OP’s friend, this Prince Charming would have fuck all to leave his kids anyway so to throw his weight around like this is outrageous.

It's fair enough that her husband is writing a Will to favour his children.
Suggest the friend legally draws up paperwok to support the ownership that reflect their eventual Wills. (Joint tenants or tenants in common etc??)
Suggest the friend also puts savings away to help her survive if she eventually owns only half the house.
Suggest that the couple buy a different type of home and one that can easily be split into two saleable flats would be perfect.

Advise the wife to also have a similar Will and for her husband to expect that her half ownership will transfer to her children upon her death.

Maybe it is better that they don't buy a house together at all.
Could they each buy a smaller property?

If your friend has a 50k deposit and he has none, she needs to buy whatever she can on her own unless he agrees that upon his death she continues to live in HER house that she put down the majority of the money for. For this arrogant fuck to sit there and sponge off his harder-working partner but be proposing to make her homeless if he died first so that his adult kids can get some cash is astounding. This is so far removed from situations where the widow/er is living in a house owned outright by a spouse with adult kids. This is a house that’s being bought in joint name and she is funding the deposit. He can get to fuck quite simply.

This is what 'partner' means. It is not a spouse, therefore not a priority. It is a comfortable arrangement, that is all. His children are his priority. If you were, he would have married you. Run away! He showed his true colours. Or if you are not running away, think hard about what will happen, if you are ill, for example. You think like a decent human being, he does not.

I must have missed that bit. 🚩🚩🚩🚩He is just wanting to buy a house with you because you've got a deposit and he doesn't. Buy your own house. Protect your self and your own DC.

“His kids do not have to get their inheritance immediately.”

But what if they’re both 30 and he has a 10yo? And dies next year. And she lives until she’s 90? That child is inheriting at 70, 60 years after his father has died.

It sounds to me like he’s making a sound practical decision, whilst the OP is thinking more about him than her kids.

Anyway, as I said above: LIFE INSURANCE!

The partner is a grown adult as well, inheritance is indeed a gift not a right.

In the event one of them dies, the house can be sold after a grace period and then they buy their own house with their own money from their half.

Neither option is wrong, it’s personal choice. No one is entitled to half the house including the partner.

This ^
Husband and I have wills set up where the house goes to the children but either of us has the right to remain in the house until death. Think this is pretty standard these days.