AIBU for expecting my partner to leave our house to me in his will?

This!

I have not trawled through the entire thread but if there are differing contributions I think the true shares within the tenancy in common should reflect that and not be the standard 50:50.

Don't buy a house with him. You could be elderly and have to move.

I get protecting his assets for his DC as should you so buy separately.

I wouldn't mingle assets in middle age, period.

They can date and live separately.

I don’t think either person is wrong but it’s essential that this is agreed and reflected in both wills before they buy. If they can’t agree then they shouldn’t buy a place together- they should keep separate homes.

Your friend should also 100% protect her deposit.

Just seen the bit about the £50000, that needs to be ring-fenced as hers. A good solicitor should be able to sort things out. Also under no circumstances should she marry this man! They need to have legally clear boundaries as to what assets belong to which of them, not get everything shared in the case of a later divorce.

I think they need to be very clear in themselves what they anticipate happening in the event of the first death. Looking at the experience of others posting here - what do you / they think this means practically? Selling the house immediately upon death? A grace period of a year or two? The other partner living there until their death - or until something else triggers a sale e.g. marriage to a new person?
Combine that with what each person's "share" is ... is the 50k v. zero investment recognised for the future (i.e is each person having a half-share?)

THEN get legal advice on how to reflect this is title deeds, and a will (bearing in mind the will can be changed in the future without anyone else knowing)

I think what he’s proposing is fair. His kids shouldn’t have to wait for their inheritance. Why don’t you do the same then take out life insurance on each other so whoever dies first can buy the half of the house left to the kids or whoever?

So he wants his kids to benefit from 50% of the nothing he has contributed and wants to strong arm your friend out of her home for his kids. What a fucking catch he is?! Na if I were your mate I’d be buying my own home which will not go to my freeloading partners kids in the event of his death and I’d probably be leaving his grabby arse

YANBU - but, he’s also NBU.

I can see why he wants his assets to go to his children, and not potentially be held by you for a long time.

Housing is very expensive - his children / grandchildren having that money in a timely matter after his death may have a big impact on their own lives.

I would do the same if I remarried now. I wouldn’t want my children / grandchildren waiting around for 10-20 years to be able to buy their own homes because my partner (who lets face it - they may have little or no relationship with) gets to keep the asset for the length of their life.

given the updates I think that a solicitors advice is an absolute must.
The £50K she is putting in needs to be ringfenced, ideally as a proportion of the purchase price - perhaps linked to % 'owned'
I think a grace period sounds like the most sensible option for her and for his children - especially if she is going to own the larger percentage.
Id also have clauses in there about no other future partner moving in - why should either set of children be deprived of an asset that some new gf/bf is benefitting from.

If she is putting in £50k and they will pay the mortgage equally she needs to get her deposit protected as a % of the house value,

And leave her greater share of the house to her Dc, with a life interest for partner maybe for a few years.

If they reach their 70s together, the life interest and will could be reviewed again then.

And IMO not marry him, because if they divorce then her share of the house will go into the pot to be divided and she could lose out. Unless he has equal assets in another way, e.g a very big pension and she only has small.

At this stage, presuming that she is still relatively young, he is still fit and working, there is no way I would give him the right to live in my share of the house for 40 years after my death, probably with a new partner! A few years is enough. IMO.

But she is right to want the same consideration.

Yes, this, definitely. And surely if she is putting in 50K and he's not putting anything in, except mortgage payments when it comes to it, he's trying to pull a fast one? In this particular situation, it really would not be fair to expect the OP to sell up so that his children can inherit their fair share immediately after her partner's death.

I agree, if that’s the situation and he isn’t doing something to even it up, then she shouldn’t be doing it all.

And to be honest if she can afford to buy herself but not the sort of property she wants so she is sleep walking into this, she needs get a grip.

I would love to live in a bigger house. But I live in what I can afford and it’s all mine

He might be worried that if you were to inherit the house, your children will inherit it after you, leaving his children without any share of it. Could you both not write that both sets of children get 50/59 but there is a rule put in that while you are living you can live there rent free?

If your friend protects her deposit and then they are tenants in common for remainder then I don't see the issue. It's exactly what I would do if I remarried. I'd want my half to go to my dc so that they can benefit.

Alternatively your friend can buy in her own and not give him any rights.

Yes if he was going to single handedly pay the mortgage until he’d made up the deposit, fair enough. I doubt that though.
My guess is that the friend can buy without him but not the sort of property that she wants to. However, he definitely couldn’t buy anything without her (unless he actually has money but refuses to use it).
I just think it’s pretty brazen of this guy who has suddenly been given a chance to get on the property ladder that he wouldn’t have had before to be all “my kids are getting it and you will be homeless if I die”. Let’s see how much you can provide for your kids without your girlfriend helping shall we.

If they're roughly the same age then it seems a bit strange, if he's much older then her then it seems very sensible on his part.

I think you should set your friend up online so she can read about the subject herself

It's possible to keave property to person X while specifying that they may not take immediate possession of it and that person Y has the right to live there for the rest of their life. This can be sensible as it means the surviving partner has fewer assets if they are being assessed for benefits or care home fees, and can reduce the impact of inheritance tax if the property is valuable enough for that to apply. However there are down-sides too. If half the property is owned by the 20-something or 30-something year old offspring of the deceased partner and the other half is owned by a pensioner with limited funds and the roof needs replacing or other multi-thousand-pound maintenance project is it fair for the pensioner to take the hit? It can work but can also go very badly. This needs careful thought. It might be that buying a property together isn't actually a good idea.

Would they have the means to both buy a larger property to share and also a smaller property to keep on a BTL basis? With contributions equal across the two properties they could then both have wills that provide that when the first partner dies the surviving partner can remain in the larger property for whichever is longer of 18 months or until any tenants have vacated the BTL property and then the larger property must be sold with the surviving partner getting their half and the heirs of the deceased partner getting their half.

Your friend is quite right that when reeling from a recent bereavement is not a reasonable time to expect anyone to move or deal with property matters. However she should also be thinking of her own children. If she dies first is it reasonable for her own children to have to wait for perhaps 20 years before receiving their inheritance based on the lifespan of someone they don't have much connection with?

To be fair, We don’t know he is a cocklodger.

He could be planning on paying the mortgage until he has contributed the equivalent.

Ops ‘friend’ may not be able to afford to buy without him.

If she is able to buy on her own and afford the mortgage, and he isn’t doing anything to even things up she should be grateful this has come up now, because she would be an idiot to buy a house and put his name on it in those circumstances. Hopefully, this will prompt her to be far more sensible.

I’m the same. The only way I’d buy a house with a partner would be when dc are grown. Sell this house, mortgage will have been paid off, give dc house deposits and then go halves on a deposit for a new place with the house being owned in common. I’d be mid fifties so feasible.

I grew up in rented so home ownership
seems like a step up the generational wealth ladder. This is something I’m keen to pass on to my children. I certainly wouldn’t jeopardise for a man.

Your friend should absolutely not buy a property with this bloke if that’s his attitude in addition to her putting the £ in. She should buy on her own.

errr because Dads girlfriend effectively bought the house and Dad is a giant cocklodger taking advantage of the fact that she has managed to save a deposit while he has not? If he didn’t buy with her, he couldn’t buy anything without a deposit and would have to spend anything he’s going to spend on this mortgage on rent.

Men move on quickly, IME.

If he lost you when he is still working, building his career and salary, he could stay in your house, re-marry and live there for 40 years before your Dc inherit.

You need to think about writing your will to suit the next 10 years, then review as your life changes.

What about each of you setting a period to stay in the house? e.g 4 years? Or until the surviving partner sells or cohabits, or 4 years ?

Make sure you buy as tenants in common, not joint tenants.

Many men I know have left their estate to their second wife, younger, and she has then not left anything to his Dc. 3 of my friends have watched their Mum’s share of the home disappear like that. So at least your DP is thinking about his kids.