About boyfriend visiting a quaker house?

Sounds like you are worried about the relationship in the round and just focusing on this fairly minor issue as a starting point for a proper discussion.

It's as if you almost feel he's not been straight with you.

Ultimately though the beliefs of any future children are up to them. DH is atheist, I'm pagan, as far as I'm concerned it's up to DS to make his own decisions about religion and what he believes or doesn't believe. Neither I or DH push out ideas on him, and we answer any questions he has as factually as possible.

You must ask yourself does he want to raise children with you? How does he feel about your way of thinking? Leave him alone and let him explore his own path to fulfil his own needs. If he truly is the one, then you will accept him for what he is and what he believes. It is not as if it were a huge inter cultural religious change. Get with modern society where people accept other people despite the differences.

I disagree wholeheartedly with all of the points that you have made.

Wanting your children to grow up with the free will of their own decision of which religion or not to follow is not intolerant. It’s intolerant to force a religion onto your children and expect them to grow up practicing that religion when they may choose to follow a different religion or none at all. Being intolerant means being unaccepting in your views towards other people’s beliefs. Just because the OP doesn’t follow a religion or believe in God she hasn’t said that she doesn’t think anyone else should. Only that she doesn’t want her children to be brought up in a religious family which is her personal choice. That would be the definition of intolerance. Please learn the difference before spouting falsehoods at people on the internet. More for the sake of making yourself look ignorant as opposed to making the OP look intolerant herself which was clearly your goal, albeit poorly made on your part.

Being an Atheist isn’t anti-religious that is absolutely ridiculous. Being anti-religious is to be hostile or hateful and not believing in a religion doesn’t make you hateful or hostile towards people that do. Again, it’s personal choice which everyone is entitled to.

Not believing in something that hasn’t been proven scientifically to exist in over 2000 years isn’t hateful or intolerant. You come out with all these “buzz words” that you think make you look superior and knowing but in fact it is clear you’re not.

It’s great that you have been welcomed into your local Christian community but your experience is your own and will shape the way that you live your life but that doesn’t undermine the OPs experience of religion and will allow her to form her own views and opinions based upon it.

The things that you have said about the OP show that you’re intolerant to people who want to just live a peaceful existence whilst not believing in God or religion. Being an Atheist isn’t a choice, it’s not like deciding what you want for dinner. It’s a carefully considered position much like religion and people have the right to choose to believe or not to believe. Your way is not the only way in life.

@Celia24 you mentioned you have moved in together after just a year and are squabbling. Do you think his slightly snarky comment and your reaction to it are symptomatic of the fact that you both seem to be finding it hard to adjust to living together?

I am an atheist, but I love visiting churches etc. I even light candles in them, which makes no sense! Maybe it is hard wired into humans to want to believe there is something more and even atheists have a sliver of that.

I'm an atheist and I love old things so often go to cathedrals etc. This is my belief and my DS is also an atheist however, he attended church at school and learnt about lots of different religions. He made up his own mind.

What a scumbag. How dare he? Time to throw this one very far back no not the pond. You deserve so much better than this.

Yes it is. Someone can get up and speak if they feel like it, but from what my Quaker friends (attending different meetings) say, that may not happen for weeks at a time.

I agree with a pp that there seem to be a significant proportion of Quakers whom if not actually atheist, simply bothered by the divinity of Jesus etc, and are more invested in social justice. I had one former colleague, an elderly linguistician, who was continually appearing in court in his wheelchair for being on demos against British arms sales, blocking roads etc.

You’re overreacting. I’m not religious but I love cathedrals and will look inside wherever I get the chance.

And two of my best friends are Quakers and a nicer more tolerant couple you couldn’t hope to meet. If he is going to get a religion he could do a lot worse than the Quakers.

It's funny because the OP talks about atheism being integral to her identity.

Identity politics is something relatively new. Peojust 'were' in a sense before and there's been a lot of talk about how identity politics is the new religion with the same ideas about 'finding yourself'.

Many on this thread should...'agnostic' has several different meanings of course.
You can be an agnostic and an atheist.

Rationally you can't 100% disprove the existence of some sort of deity - so you're agnostic.
But you can assess the evidence and find that the probability is low, and the probability of any of the specific gods of the various religions is vanishingly low.

So, you don't believe in them - atheist.

Of course most people are apatheists who quite reasonably CBA to think about religion in much depth any more than they worry about many other aspects of culture.

I read somewhere that at Quaker meetings, the congregation just sit quietly.

I don’t know how true that is, but it sounds very calming and peaceful.

I was raised Quaker. You don't even really need to believe in God, it's very chill. It is more of a spiritual thing and everyone is welcome to believe what they want. Your OH is entitled to his own beliefs and also to change his mind, as you are.

You sound very controlling. You don’t have any right to control what he, nor any hypothetical children you might have, either believe or don’t believe. It’s a personal thing.

His comment wasn’t snide, it was factual. YABVU.

I'm an atheist.
I have attended evensong at many cathedrals, because I'm also cheap and it's a free way to see a beautiful piece of human engineering and hear beautiful singing. No danger of conversion here. But if I did I'd expect that to be respected.
I wouldn't expect someone to be chippy about my personal beliefs - the snidey-ness is what I'd worry about with your partner.

Of course you learn what your parents believe, but that doesn't mean YOU have to believe it.

Exactly- you dont have to "teach" them in order for them to pick up on what you believe or dont believe, its obvious in everything you do, your body language, your speech, your interactions with others etc

My parents didnt "teach" me how they felt on various topics but I knew exactly how they felt about it as a child because I interpreted the things I've mentioned above, it was very, very obvious even without them telling me specifically.

I wonder how you'll feel if your future children do end up with faith based beliefs? You seem very upset about your partner merely going to a Quaker building and thats literally just a visit, its not like he's trying to "convert" you

He said he was agnostic, not atheist. Maybe check you understand the difference?

And you need to think if you're happy that your partner - if you have children together - might be able to be honest about his agnosticism - or if he has become a Quaker - his beliefs that way. If you don't want to tell kids what to think why do you want to tell your partner what to think?

And I hate to tell you, but children have an innate spirituality because they’re curious about the themselves and the world and the meaning of it all.

I wouldn't remotely describe that curiosity as 'spirituality'.

You sound incredibly controlling. He said he was agnostic, this is his inner life and you have no right to try to interfere with it developing. Has he actually said he wants to 'raise children in a faith'?

You can't decide whether your children have a faith or not; you have no idea how they will grow up, what views they may have. Hopefully, a little more wisdom and tolerance than their mother.

Parents ‘tell their kids what to think’ from the very first minute out of the womb. Language, values, behaviour - the child soaks it all up. You can’t avoid it.

And I hate to tell you, but children have an innate spirituality because they’re curious about the themselves and the world and the meaning of it all. There is a difference between finding meaning in the big questions of life, and accepting something bigger than ourselves without being ‘religious’.

I think your boyfriend is just exploring his own spirituality and I don’t know why you would want to stifle that?

But how on earth would you stop any future children from having a faith? That's not up to you

One of my friends who has absolutely no belief whatsoever and is as atheist as they come, has a son who converted to the RC church and is now a priest. What would you do in this situation, cut him off?

Personally, I think YABVU and very controlling

Agreed. I don't think it even matters whether OP is being objectively unreasonable or not. If it's a deal breaker it's a deal breaker.