About boyfriend visiting a quaker house?

A most interesting thread - like some others who have posted I'm a Quaker. There are plenty of non theist quakers and also people who identify as quakers and a member of another religion. There is no creed Quakers ascribe to.

The glue that brings Quakers of many varied beliefs and tradition together is their testimonies: a life rooted in Simplicity, Peace, Equality, Integrity and Stewardship of the planet. The majority of people who go to Quaker Meetings are 'Attenders' rather than 'Members' and there is never any pressure to become a Member.

In society many people whether atheist or theist respect Quakers for their stance on social issues even if they do not agree with all the specifics. A key Quaker tenet is to see the good in everyone and always to be aware you may be mistaken.

We switched from the Church of England to Quakers 14 years ago when our kids were 6 & 8 and have found quakers provided a great framework for raising children to have confidence to face the complexity of today's world and make their own choices how to live.

Why wouldn't you want children to have a faith...? If and when we get to the end of lives and die, someone has lived a life of faith and belief in God, they pass and find out there is no heaven or hell then at least they have lived life in their chosen belief and normally as a good law abiding and caring person and will be remembered for this. If there is a heaven or hell then they will be on a win win.
and vice versa. If an atheist lives a life denying God, gets to the end and finds there is no heaven/hell then all good. Now the tricky bit..... IF there is H&H then there's going to be a few regrets 😂

‘I don’t want my children to have a faith’

I dont think you can decide this. I am affirmedly atheist. My children are not raised going to church or with regular religious input BUT - we know plenty of people of different religious - my sister is very Christian, my best friend and her husband are practicing Muslims - so questions arise - they have exposure to all sorts of ideas - we often talk about different people believing in different stories about how the world was created / having different customs etc.

Your children will decide for themselves what they believe.

I think you need to get really curious with yourself about where this anger comes from. Why do you have so much energy about his agnosticism? I can’t see that he’s done anything remotely wrong!

I'm Quaker, and I would say that we are a very non-pushy denomination - one of our advices says "Let your life speak", and most of us leave it at that unless asked directly about what Quakers believe. I would love to be remembered as@CloudyAgain remembers her MIL. So even if your DP were drawn to Quakers, I don't think he would be forcing anything on you or your children.

YABU- you met someone who is agnostic eg they believe in a creator of some sort but aren’t sure on specifics.

you dated someone with agnostic beliefs which you ‘respect’ as long as they don’t explore them by visiting religious institutions? Also I’d make quips if I felt an atheist was commenting/judging my visits to places.

if you want your children raised with no faith you need to marry an atheist. I’d suggest breaking up. This person has been honest from the start. You shouldn’t try to change them or control how religious or not they are with their agnostic ways.

Your future kids might choose to follow a faith anyway so all you can really control is your own belief.

That's pretty common. And vice versa. They are have much more in common in terms of authoritarian themes than many realise. Hence my comments about mirroring.

And crucially not all Quakers have a religious faith, but are nontheist Quakers.
There are Meeting houses all around the country, still. I know nontheists, and Quakers from C of E, Catholic and Buddhist backgrounds.

I personally think knowing about & understanding people's faiths is a really good thing. Doesn't mean you have to share those beliefs, but there's certainly nothing wrong with being interested in the history and practice of different faiths, and understanding how it underpins personal and societal traditions and behaviours. Knowledge is power, and all that.

yup, I have seen this too.

Surprisingly, it often coincides with when people have kids and a local outstanding but oversubscribed Catholic school

I have seen committed atheists become Christians, committed Christians become atheists, life throws up all sorts of weird situations!. In my family I am a non church going Christian married to an atheist, so far our kids are turning out to be 1 atheist and 1 Christian. Isn’t it about raising your kids to make their own decisions and to respect those of all faiths or none?

Indeed.

Its such a strong reaction from OP. @Celia24 Are you sure you want to be with this man? Him visiting a Quaker house might me a red herring.

Indeed

Parents ‘tell their kids what to think’ from the very first minute out of the womb. Language, values, behaviour - the child soaks it all up. You can’t avoid it.

This is true. So the question is simply about what you tell them.

Except the religion in question here is Quakism, which is about as tolerant as it gets! And the OP isn't exactly a walking advert for the tolerance of atheism either!

I think that's ultimately the problem.

or that avowed atheist has a change of heart?

I think you neee to find someone who is an avowed atheist. As an agnostic I do find moments of spirituality in various practices and religions. Also that avowed atheist should be militantly against anything remotely religious as I know atheists who visit temples, churches, mosques for their beauty and/history (as an agnostic, I do). But be careful what happens if against your wishes your kids embrass religion in their teens or as adults?

Not sure about this.

I’m a committed atheist, though brought up Baptist. My OH is lapsed Catholic. My kids went to a church school, and for a while to Sunday School too, because my Christian sister asked if she could take them. I thought that was a good idea. I wanted them to make informed choices.

We also visited a local Buddhist temple, because they asked what it was, and we’ve been to some magnificent cathedrals.

They’re adults now, and atheist, with differing levels of interest in the spiritual. Had they chosen another path, we’d’ve disagreed, and that’s okay.

“There’s only one rule that I know of: Goddammit, you’ve got to be kind.”

I have to wonder what would happen if the OP changed her (non) belief structure? it does happen!

And that's her right. But to have this reaction to a partner simply visiting a place of worship seems very OTT - it's his right to explore what he might believe too and to express that to any future children he might have.

I guess only she can decide if that's a deal breaker!

It’s seems like you are just going off one vague conversation too.

I think the first thing you need to do is have an open discussion with him about how he feels about it and why he went. Not a grilling or an interrogation though!

Also ask yourself what happens if he does find Faith? And even if he does, he may not put his views on the kids.

If you marry you have to understand that people change. Even if you married a confirmed atheist they might find religion years down the line. What are you going to do .....dump them. What if your children decide to follow a religious belief? Will you disown the? Why is only your way the right way?
I have close friends of all religions. My best friend is a catholic priest, I'm pagan. Yet we get on brilliantly. It isn't an issue.

Which is OK. The OP just doesn't want for her children to be raised in faith.

And, it doesn't mean no Christmas tree, it means no to parent teaching about (any) god as a given thing, leading them to prayers and so on.

This thread is absurd. The OP is atheist and doesn't want for her future children to be raised in any specific faith. Which is totally valid.

Unfortunately, majority of religions are not really tolerant and expect their members to raise children exclusively in that faith, which makes it a big deal.

There is a big difference between agnostic and looking for faith, and while the OP might be overthinking the DP's sentence, she obviously got alerted by something, so it is a topic for her now.

I don't like labels like open-minded and close-minded thrown around, because lots of oppression is coming from religions and their close-minded approach to life.

It's not really up to you to decide if your future children have a faith though? I do and ideally would like my children to follow this but it's completely up to them to decide when they're old enough.

You sound super controlling. Do your future kids get to decide if they want a faith when they get older or do you get to control that too? You comment about his opinion on atheists but he isn't even allowed to visit a Quaker house without you potentially breaking up with him. I personally would have taken his comment as a joke.