About boyfriend visiting a quaker house?

Cathedrals are packed - with tourists! Then they go to a cafe or pub, it's not either or

Which is exactly what your boyfriend did?

So are you atheist and controlling, or atheist and a hypocrite?

You both sound very young. You've only been together a year, you are still finding things out about each other. Likes and beliefs develop over time. There's no need to be 'angry that he hasn't discussed faith with you before. Nor does it mean he has kept things from you. He may be now developing an interest in a faith. He equally may not. You have very strong views and seem unwilling to bend them, which is fine. As it seems he is the same. But with different views. In a relationship you need to be able to support each other in your interests and be respectful of views. If you can't the kindest thing is to find someone more suitable. I for example, would not want to be in a relationship with someone with far right views. That would never mesh with me and therefore that's my deal breaker. Religion is one for you. I would actually suggest up have some time single and get some therapy to work out what you want, and also what you may do if you meet someone you like who does develop a faith, as many many people do, particularly as life goes on and horrible things happen.

Your intolerance about even a mild bit of curiosity on his part is the problem here. I think you have quite extreme views which likely would be an issue if your attends any primary school in U.K. which will all have people of faith, ocassional trips to places of worship and learning what others believe. You don’t have to raise your children to have any faith but being so intolerant isn’t the norm even for people who don’t practice any faith.

It's good that he's showing an intelligent interest in something. Maybe he has an enquiring mind.

Agree with this.

I'm not Christian and I visit lots of religious buildings, because they may be beautiful, or peaceful, or historical or just because. MIL was a Quaker and from what I know about them and how she used to conduct her life I only have positive associations with Quakerism.

ETA- I meant to quote a post way upthread by a poster who is a Quaker. But I can't find it now.

Even if he does find a religion doesn’t mean he will try and convert you or that your children will be raised in a certain way. I know multiple couples where one is religious and the other isn’t, it hasn’t necessarily impacted their children. It certainly didn’t for my Catholic grandmother and atheist grandfather.

He may be exploring things and you can either choose to support him or not, but if this is a deal breaker for you, and it kind of sounds like it is, maybe it’s time for you to reconsider your relationship. Faith is a personal thing and whilst I don’t believe in any religion I certainly wouldn’t try and prevent or dissuade anyone else from exploring it.

Yes, and I think it helps to understand people with a wide range of cultural beliefs and practices.

Your children should and will have the right to decide what they believe or don't.
You can't control that and trying to do so could badly affect you relationship with them. You can;t control other people's thoughts.

I wouldn’t date someone who didn’t know Quaker Houses existed. I’m an atheist, and I don’t date stoopid 😉

People can change their views on religion and spirituality throughout life. I don't know why you are so concerned. Do you mean you wouldn't stay together if he became part of a religion? If it is an issue- he suddenly is part if a religion and can't accept you being an atheist, or you can't accept him being religious, you'll have to split up then.
I know a number of couples who live happily with that situation or are of mixed religions.
Quakerism is very different to some religions- much less ritualistic and showy.

Honestly I think you misinterpreted his comment as 'snark' - he hadn't known the Quakers still existed, and as you're an atheist there would be no reason for you to either.

Your boyfriend visiting a Quaker meeting house sounds like it was just as an interesting historical building, and you're making too much of it. Fwiw, humanist and atheists quite often have their meetings in Quaker premises!

DH and I are both atheists, we tried to bring our daughter up knowing how to think, not what to think - I reckon dogmatically saying you'd raise a child as an atheist isn't a lot better than raising it in a particular religion.

Maybe you need to talk to your boyfriend more about this, and also think a bit more about your own worldview if your atheism is in some ways 'passed down the family' rather than being a position you've rationally arrived at yourself?

Absolutely. What would you do if your children developed a faith as adults for example? You get to choose your own beliefs but you dont get to dictate or punish other people's - that absolutely is controlling.

Entirely normal. I'm really conflicted about my grandchildren being presented with religion / bible / god as being a matter of fact by their other grandparents. As a 'trusted' authority, they should understand that children believe what they tell them. They're just thoughtless and rigid. 7 and 8 year old just don't have the analytical skills to weigh up any 'evidence'.

He didn't criticise you - he just stated you wouldn't be interested as you're an atheist. You being an atheist is clearly very important to you so I can see why he said it.
I hope you realise that any kids you have might grow up to be agnostic or even religious - not because of him but because people have their own ideas. My friend grew up in a fiercely atheist household but chose religion. You can't control what others believe.

Maybe you could research the Society of Friends? (Quakerism). You may be surprised.

The thing with faith is it isn't fixed - even an atheist could change their mind so whoever you meet could do so throughout your relationship.

Same as health and ability- any person you form a relationship is only human and could become chronically ill or disabled through illness, condition or accident.

These are 2 very non fixed elements for any human that you go for as a partner.

I agree with this. I think the OP is being unreasonable.

This.

The ultra defensive responses of the OP don't make me think the bf was snide. It makes me think the OP is particularly over sensitive to anyone even setting foot in a religious building or expressing anything vaguely spiritual.

To be this upset in the context of Quakers is particularly odd given how a certain percentage of Quakers do not believe in god at all and this makes Quakerism different for pretty much any other religion.

You sound weirdly militant about this. Its perfectly reasonable for your partner to have different beliefs to you, as long as you're respectful and open minded, which it sounds like, where this is concerned, may not be the case.

You say you don't want your future children brought up around religion - unless you're planning on home schooling you may have a problem there unless you're going to refuse permission to take part in nativities, church visits etc?

I think you’re overthinking it slightly. By chance, he visited a beautiful building, and just made a casual comment.