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To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

940 replies

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 21:49

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

OP posts:
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TheNuthatch · 12/09/2024 11:17

Well done op. You've done amazingly well. Safe journey home 💐

Carpedimum · 12/09/2024 10:55

I just wanted to say that I am full of admiration for how you have handled all this @Notsurehowtoprocessthis I read all your posts with increasing shock at the behaviour of your ex-friend. Blimey, you live & learn, & some life lessons are harder than others, I hope this experience doesn’t destroy your confidence in making new friends. Very best wishes for a calm & safe journey home and I hope there’s nothing additional from the ‘friend’.

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 12/09/2024 10:32

Btw just wanted to add if anyone is motivated to go to Disney or Paris after this, Eurostar have got a sale on for November tickets. There were one way tickets for 57 when I checked yesterday.

The other thing is if anyone needs a reliable taxi driver for the Disney area, I can give you the number of the one we used. I got him through bolt and arranged for a private pick up to take us to Chessy today and he was on time and great communication through WhatsApp.

OP posts:
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 12/09/2024 10:28

We are on the train!

I tried to attach a photo but my signal is a bit tetchy!

OP posts:
ClockworkDisaster · 12/09/2024 10:11

Hope your journey home is going well OP. Like others have said, you have demonstrated so much resilience. If nothing else you could use it as an excellent
example of resilience or planning on a job interview if you ever needed it.

Gardengirl108 · 12/09/2024 10:01

GuestFeatu · 12/09/2024 09:57

When you find a really long thread it's worth checking when the OP first posted and checking their following posts to see where the thread has got to. When a thread is 700+ posts long chances are things have moved on since the OP.

Yes, apologies. I just jumped in and immediately realised this was a really long thread. Hope that OP is safely home soon.

GuestFeatu · 12/09/2024 09:57

Gardengirl108 · 12/09/2024 09:54

Has your friend said she’s travelling home alone without you or just that she wants to continue the holiday separately in different accommodation? I think that needs to be established first.

When you find a really long thread it's worth checking when the OP first posted and checking their following posts to see where the thread has got to. When a thread is 700+ posts long chances are things have moved on since the OP.

Gardengirl108 · 12/09/2024 09:54

Has your friend said she’s travelling home alone without you or just that she wants to continue the holiday separately in different accommodation? I think that needs to be established first.

alrightluv · 12/09/2024 09:36

Hoping all goes well on your journey home. I agree about telling the school you were abandoned.

waitingforlifeonmars · 12/09/2024 09:33

I don't know if anyone has suggested this, but inform school you were abandoned in France and name "friend". Explain the whole situation. The likelihood hood is that they have had dealings with said person and will understand- if not, send them to this post - although it does give away you chose to stay longer- it may be the only evidence you have.

Send a bill to your "friend" for half the caravan- they didn't stick to their half of the bargain.
If anyone starts judging you, tell them you don't have the energy to explain what happened but they can read about it in Mumsnet- give them the title.
She may be weaving a narrative of what happened but you have it narrated as it happened not after the event.

GabriellaFaith · 12/09/2024 09:25

CrochetForLife · 12/09/2024 09:18

@GabriellaFaith That was over a week ago, OP is on her way home now, you can read all the OP's posts on this thread - without anyone else's posts, just the OP's alone - , by clicking on See all at the bottom of her OP. Here's the link to all 68 of her posts on this thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5158235-to-ask-you-to-help-me-process-things-and-get-home-from-france?postsby=Notsurehowtoprocessthis

That's so helpful to know how to see all the posters threads! Thank you.

I realised just after posting there were loads of pages (clearly too tierd today!) but for the life of me I cannot delete my post!

Glad she's home though!

CrochetForLife · 12/09/2024 09:18

GabriellaFaith · 12/09/2024 09:06

Just re Disney, they will do the queue jump for kids with autism to help so you can still get that.

Personally I would call your friend and try really calmly and supportively to sort this out, maybe some stuff together and some not. Explain your worried about her and yes your daughter screaming wasn't ideal but couldn't be helped and isn't often. Sounds like your friend is struggling and has just snapped and probably not thought it all through in the moment. Good luck.

@GabriellaFaith That was over a week ago, OP is on her way home now, you can read all the OP's posts on this thread - without anyone else's posts, just the OP's alone - , by clicking on See all at the bottom of her OP. Here's the link to all 68 of her posts on this thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5158235-to-ask-you-to-help-me-process-things-and-get-home-from-france?postsby=Notsurehowtoprocessthis

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https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5158235-to-ask-you-to-help-me-process-things-and-get-home-from-france?postsby=Notsurehowtoprocessthis

RampantIvy · 12/09/2024 09:13

GabriellaFaith · 12/09/2024 09:06

Just re Disney, they will do the queue jump for kids with autism to help so you can still get that.

Personally I would call your friend and try really calmly and supportively to sort this out, maybe some stuff together and some not. Explain your worried about her and yes your daughter screaming wasn't ideal but couldn't be helped and isn't often. Sounds like your friend is struggling and has just snapped and probably not thought it all through in the moment. Good luck.

The OPhas updated several times since her first post.

GabriellaFaith · 12/09/2024 09:06

Just re Disney, they will do the queue jump for kids with autism to help so you can still get that.

Personally I would call your friend and try really calmly and supportively to sort this out, maybe some stuff together and some not. Explain your worried about her and yes your daughter screaming wasn't ideal but couldn't be helped and isn't often. Sounds like your friend is struggling and has just snapped and probably not thought it all through in the moment. Good luck.

DollieBantrysPantry · 12/09/2024 08:43

Safe journey home OP, hope all is well when you get there and you can finally relax, you have been amazing throughout all of this

SquatWeightaMinute · 12/09/2024 08:37

Safe travels OP, your daughter is lucky to have you.

When you get back make sure you tell everyone what an amazing time you had, barley even mention the friend and don’t let on that it was difficult.

Your “friend” will take great delight from knowing you struggled so only say positive things to anyone that might get back to her. Don’t give her the satisfaction.

ns87 · 12/09/2024 08:26

You will be home soon OP, and can take a well earned rest x

MrsWinkly · 12/09/2024 06:57

Fannyfiggs · 11/09/2024 16:48

You are bloody amazing @Notsurehowtoprocessthis. The resilience and organisational skills you have are second to none 🥇 What a woman and what a fabulous mum you are ❤️

I'll second this!
OP, it's been incredible following your progress on this thread. Last leg now, hoping you & DD get home safely and never have to deal with that woman again!
You're going to have an incredible holiday next year and it'll feel like a breeze compared to this😁
To all the lovely PP's helping, this is the best of MN right here 🙌x

AnnieMcFanny · 12/09/2024 05:58

What an experience and I’m so glad you must either be home now or very close to home. My son is now a young man of 33 and is severely autistic with multiple dx and over time you will get used to going into crisis mode even though you’d done everything needed to avoid a crisis, or a spanner in the works, that could distress your DD.

A very wise poster just a bit further up the page said the following that I’ve highlighted below and I want to say please take heart from it. It is without doubt it’s one of the most beautiful and comforting things I’ve ever read on a thread concerning our beloved children.

You have a long road ahead of you but I'm sure you will deal with it with strength and courage. Bless you

LBFseBrom · 12/09/2024 00:55

I agree with all that has been said above. You are amazing. I would have freaked out in the same circumstances.

The friend has behaved in an appalling fashion, abandoning you abroad over such a silly thing as a child's tantrum, which she couldn't help anyway. There is no excuse for her and she has set her child a very poor example.

Let us know when you are safe at home.

Scentedjasmin · 11/09/2024 23:45

I can't believe that you have been through all of this. I also don't think that you have anything to worry about re her spinning an alternative tale. She could make you out to be unreasonable, or difficult or say that you argued etc, but ultimately she simply cannot explain leaving you behind in France, with a car seat, no suitcase and an autistic child. Neither can she explain spitefully posting your keys through her letter box. You have the texts to prove it. And what she has done is completely and totally unforgivable. She simply cannot justify her behaviour.
You have been enormously gracious and people will see that too.

Ohnobackagain · 11/09/2024 23:35

@Notsurehowtoprocessthis you have done really well with all this. I’m glad you’re ok. I don’t want to seem negative, but just to let you know you can’t start a new policy from after you left the uk. You have to extend the original, or buy new cover backdated to start from the day you originally travelled, to your new return date. Tricky small print!

murasaki · 11/09/2024 23:10

She's already been to Disney and sorted the journey home.

Lillush · 11/09/2024 23:08

Surely someone on here can pull strings at Disney??? Or call them and try to explain see if they can help? Yes book the foot passenger tickets and try to have a fantastic rest of your break! I think your friend's behaviour is appalling.

Boysgrownbutstillathome · 11/09/2024 22:38

I have just taken the time to read your thread and want to add to all the other positive comments. You sound amazing and have coped with a horrendous situation much better than I would. You were taken in by a narcissist, which is not your fault, they are very clever people. I'm glad you have come through victorious and not just crumpled, or bitten back, both of which she would have loved. My son (28) has PDA autism. You have a long road ahead of you but I'm sure you will deal with it with strength and courage. Bless you.