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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

940 replies

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 21:49

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

OP posts:
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Lovefromjuliaxo · 04/09/2024 23:31

Playing devils advocate hers as an autistic person myself.

did you tell your friend about your child’s (possible) meltdowns before going on this trip?

WonderingWanda · 04/09/2024 23:28

Your friend is of course entitled to space but she is rather leaving you in the shit by abandoning you at the eurocamp. If she really has already headed off to Disney I think you need to make plans to travel there on your own (try and find a bus) but text her tomorrow with something like this:

"It is clear you don't understand the nature of dd's autism and meltdowns anddo appreciate that it can be a bit much so understand why you want some space However, I'm really upset that you have decided to do this by leaving us with no way of getting home and having taken our Disney tickets with you. I can't even begin to explain how disappointed and confused dd is about all of this. Are you planning to return my Disney tickets or give us a lift home? It does seem to be a rather dramatic response when we could've just looked at booking a separate caravan"

Depending on her response you could then make a plan with her or reply to explain that you will be forced to cancel her ferry ticket home to enable you and your dd to make your way home. She is a rubbish friend op.

Flowery57 · 04/09/2024 23:27

babyproblems · 04/09/2024 22:53

Erm you need to discuss this again with your friend tomorrow.
it’s not really a big deal if you can’t go to Disney. I appreciate your daughter has autism but really you sound like you don’t have many boundaries or be in control of very much at all. The fact you didn’t bring a suitcase, or seem to have enough funds to get yourself home is worrying. What would you have done if the car broke down and you had to move your belongings another way? You’ve not thought that through. What would you have done in an emergency?? Imagine your friend was ill? It seems very risky to me to travel abroad with no contingency plans, no transport and no real plan of what you would do if things went pear shaped?? Ill be honest and say I think you sound flaky and badly organised. In your position I would speak to my friend again tomorrow. And if she doesn’t want to continue the original plans, you need to just find a way that gets you home (earlier than planned or not) and avoid Disney seeing as it’s not suitable for your daughter. I honestly think if she can’t manage queues then somewhere like Disney is not a good idea and not suitable. It doesn’t sound like you can easily manage it logistically or financially so just cut that from your (already too complicated) plans.

The entire holiday sounds a nightmare from the beginning. Why would you go abroad with just carrier bags and a school bag?
Get yourself a suitcase and get the train home. You need to gain control of the situation for your daughter’s sake.

Pieandchips999 · 04/09/2024 23:25

I would at least ask her to leave you a suitcase pointing out how entirely stranded you are going to be!

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 04/09/2024 23:23

Flix bus is pretty cheap.

Tinkeebell · 04/09/2024 23:22

wheresthebigcarrot · 04/09/2024 22:32

If you're at Berny Rivière there is a shuttle to Disneyland.

Your friend sounds like a dick. Are you in separate tents / caravans?

Also did you really only go with 2 bags? We needed a whole cars worth of stuff for a week!!

Thinking the same about the friend.
Not a very grown up way to deal with things, and even worse to do that to the children.

48Hourss · 04/09/2024 23:21

If you paid for the accommodation and her the transport, she still needs to pay for the transport. How can you cancel the transport booking if your friend sorted it? What a shit friend she is.

Exasperateddonut · 04/09/2024 23:20

Only because I am procrastinating doing any work at all and it’s now too late to start….

the TGV to Charles de Gaulle airport is 9mins. And if you’re at the camp site that sounds rural, the bus to Disney is €4. M

A one way ticket from CDG to Gatwick is £35 for Monday.

make a rough plan in case it all goes tits up. The crack on with your holiday.

Normallynumb · 04/09/2024 23:15

Your friend sounds like a bitch
I get she was worried about her DD, but she overreacted hugely imo
Hopefully you can message her in the morning and discuss the rest of the holiday.
Google your nearest supermarket etc
You will be able to buy a wheeled suitcase there I'm sure
SNCF will have a train app if needed

Exasperateddonut · 04/09/2024 23:13

Where abouts in the U.K. do you live? Are you close to an airport there?

If you’re near Disney Paris then your other option is to fly home. You might find a one way ticket at a crappy hour to be much cheaper than different trains and ferry crossings. The Eurostar also has some cheap tickets currently. Buses are really cheap in France and if you’re that close to Paris then it might be worth looking into that.

im sure the collective mumsnet brain will be able to get you back and make the most of your holiday. Don’t give up on it. If it costs a bit more and it’s affordable then make the best of it and have a great time. You can do this!

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 23:11

Blueblell · 04/09/2024 22:44

I think your friend would be really out of order not to drive you home even if you end up staying the rest of the week in Separate accommodation. Hopefully everything will calm down after a good nights sleep. Are your sharing a caravan?

Yeah we are :)

OP posts:
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 23:09

babyproblems · 04/09/2024 22:53

Erm you need to discuss this again with your friend tomorrow.
it’s not really a big deal if you can’t go to Disney. I appreciate your daughter has autism but really you sound like you don’t have many boundaries or be in control of very much at all. The fact you didn’t bring a suitcase, or seem to have enough funds to get yourself home is worrying. What would you have done if the car broke down and you had to move your belongings another way? You’ve not thought that through. What would you have done in an emergency?? Imagine your friend was ill? It seems very risky to me to travel abroad with no contingency plans, no transport and no real plan of what you would do if things went pear shaped?? Ill be honest and say I think you sound flaky and badly organised. In your position I would speak to my friend again tomorrow. And if she doesn’t want to continue the original plans, you need to just find a way that gets you home (earlier than planned or not) and avoid Disney seeing as it’s not suitable for your daughter. I honestly think if she can’t manage queues then somewhere like Disney is not a good idea and not suitable. It doesn’t sound like you can easily manage it logistically or financially so just cut that from your (already too complicated) plans.

İ couldn't bring a suitcase as it wouldn't fit in the car! I never said that I don't have funds, just that it would be expensive and I've already paid for my half of the holiday and wasn't planning on any extra massive expenses. We both have insurance had she fallen ill and she had European break down cover which would have taken our belongings to a hotel in their bags, without a suitcase.

I can get myself home it's just going to be massively stressful and expensive and not much of a holiday having to plan and work it all out.

İt's just gutting because I was having such a lovely time and it's my first holiday that I could enjoy in a long time.

OP posts:
MonsteraMama · 04/09/2024 23:07

She'd be no friend of mine after this, what a cow. You're being far too forgiving imo.

Coffeeisnecessary · 04/09/2024 23:05

I can't believe a friend would do this to someone, abandon them on holiday like that, it's awful. I hope they have calmed down in the morning and you can salvage the holiday but I think it would be the end of the friendship for me.

Wishitwasstraightforward · 04/09/2024 22:58

Sorry link failed. I'll try again:

www.gov.uk/world/emergency-help-for-british-nationals-france

Wishitwasstraightforward · 04/09/2024 22:57

I'm sorry that this has happened to you OP. I really hope that after a good night's sleep your friend has calmed down.

Regardless of what happened, if she leaves you stranded then that is just awful.

I'm not sure if appropriate, but this link gives contact details of a few places that may be able to help if needed.

Deep breaths, try to get some kip and best of luck tomorrow.

YeahComeOnThen · 04/09/2024 22:57

@Notsurehowtoprocessthis

Ask s her what time she's coming back to pick you up to go home. She cant just abandon you there when you've split the costs of the trip.

I wouldn't speak to her again once you're home.

your DD is 5, your ex friend is fucking nuts.

EdgarAllenRaven · 04/09/2024 22:54

You are being far too forgiving of your so-called “friend”! If she abandons you both, without a car or suitcase, or Disney, she is a total bitch. Quite frankly.
Please send her a link to some official info on Autistic meltdowns, how can she be so ignorant and prejudiced? Presumably you have not known her for long and are not particularly close?

If I was you I would be trying to salvage this holiday for the sake of DD, by educating the “friend”. Then would ditch the friend straight after.

Justgorgeous · 04/09/2024 22:53

Sorry to hear this, your friend really isn’t a friend. This is a really shitty and unkind thing to do to you and your daughter,

babyproblems · 04/09/2024 22:53

Erm you need to discuss this again with your friend tomorrow.
it’s not really a big deal if you can’t go to Disney. I appreciate your daughter has autism but really you sound like you don’t have many boundaries or be in control of very much at all. The fact you didn’t bring a suitcase, or seem to have enough funds to get yourself home is worrying. What would you have done if the car broke down and you had to move your belongings another way? You’ve not thought that through. What would you have done in an emergency?? Imagine your friend was ill? It seems very risky to me to travel abroad with no contingency plans, no transport and no real plan of what you would do if things went pear shaped?? Ill be honest and say I think you sound flaky and badly organised. In your position I would speak to my friend again tomorrow. And if she doesn’t want to continue the original plans, you need to just find a way that gets you home (earlier than planned or not) and avoid Disney seeing as it’s not suitable for your daughter. I honestly think if she can’t manage queues then somewhere like Disney is not a good idea and not suitable. It doesn’t sound like you can easily manage it logistically or financially so just cut that from your (already too complicated) plans.

b0zza1 · 04/09/2024 22:51

Hi there. I am the parent to an autistic boy. And I just wanted to say how brilliantly you responded to your child in meltdown. Neither you or your daughter have done anything wrong and don't deserve being put in this difficult position. There is a lot for you to sort out and it sounds like you are already problem solving as much as you can. That will get easier as the trip goes by. So sorry this happened to you.

Ted22 · 04/09/2024 22:46

Your friend is horrible if she does this to you.

Blueblell · 04/09/2024 22:44

I think your friend would be really out of order not to drive you home even if you end up staying the rest of the week in Separate accommodation. Hopefully everything will calm down after a good nights sleep. Are your sharing a caravan?

herecomesthesondodedoodoo · 04/09/2024 22:42

If your friend leaves you stranded in another country, because your autistic daughter had a rare meltdown, then she is a massive cunt! You're being far too kind to your 'freind's' feelings here. Even if she's changed her mind in the morning, the fact a friend even threatened to abandon you both would be friendship ending for me. I hope you find a way to get home safely with your daughter.

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 22:41

wheresthebigcarrot · 04/09/2024 22:32

If you're at Berny Rivière there is a shuttle to Disneyland.

Your friend sounds like a dick. Are you in separate tents / caravans?

Also did you really only go with 2 bags? We needed a whole cars worth of stuff for a week!!

I'm not at Berny I'm at the smaller one :)

Yeah her car is tiny so we were limited on stuff. They were two bag for life size bags stuffed to the very brim, mind you, and I brought a bag of food as well and my daughter had her lunch and spare clothes in her school bag. I could never carry the bags across the country everything would fall out, plus holding onto a little girl and getting on the metro to change trains. I've also got a pillow and two blankets with me.

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