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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

940 replies

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 21:49

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Ohnobackagain · 25/09/2024 10:20

@CrochetForLife pretty sure I saw a post from OP explaining that the substack thing was something OP had setup for something else previously.

Marmunia10667 · 25/09/2024 10:19

OP, remember to declare the earnings to HMRC. And check if it affects other benefits.

Fluffytoebeanz · 25/09/2024 10:18

CrochetForLife · 25/09/2024 09:53

When I saw 'AU' I thought they were an Aussie family and got a bit excited, as AU is the abbreviation for Australia. Never heard of AUDHD. It's ASDDHD or ASDHD.

Substack is the current 'in' place to blog. That's where I would have went if I was going to blog. It would never occur to me that people being able to subscribe to substack meant I was after money.

But it shows she launched the blog 9 months ago. That's a bit strange. This thread isn't even a month old. So, I don't know.

AuADHD is a legitimate term. I know several people who use it

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 25/09/2024 10:16

BrieHugger · 25/09/2024 09:58

I agree, good luck OP, not sure why people are being twatty when you’ve already said you set up the blog months ago for a different purpose.

Hope you and daughter have settled back into normal life.

Yeah I did one post all those months ago which was an exercise in a free journalling group I joined by Beth Kempton, who I've followed on my substack. She encouraged us to create a substack so we could share our work with each other and her. İf anyone doubts my authenticity, well İ wrote one opening paragraph for one of the exercises- when there were about two weeks worth- and gave up. You can look at her work and see that that's her prompt I've used around the time of her winter writing course. I've never logged in since. That's how much of a regular writer I am 🤣 the mums here have encouraged me to try to write regularly. I've had over 500 views since yesterday, so if I was really writing for profit, I would have made a wordpress blog and stuck an advert in there with AdSense.

Anyway, surely most people have one social media or Pinterest or something similar account where they've done one post and never gone back to it.

I could have created a thread here but they have a limit and no one has really been responding much the last few days, so I had no feeling of connection or interaction. At least on substack I can connect with other mumsnetters long term, if they're also blogging.

OP posts:
Marmunia10667 · 25/09/2024 10:12

Was this blog set up this week, or last year??

BrieHugger · 25/09/2024 09:58

ilovesushi · 25/09/2024 09:55

Good luck with your blog Op. You are a great writer and I've been cheering you on all the way. x

I agree, good luck OP, not sure why people are being twatty when you’ve already said you set up the blog months ago for a different purpose.

Hope you and daughter have settled back into normal life.

ilovesushi · 25/09/2024 09:55

Good luck with your blog Op. You are a great writer and I've been cheering you on all the way. x

CrochetForLife · 25/09/2024 09:53

When I saw 'AU' I thought they were an Aussie family and got a bit excited, as AU is the abbreviation for Australia. Never heard of AUDHD. It's ASDDHD or ASDHD.

Substack is the current 'in' place to blog. That's where I would have went if I was going to blog. It would never occur to me that people being able to subscribe to substack meant I was after money.

But it shows she launched the blog 9 months ago. That's a bit strange. This thread isn't even a month old. So, I don't know.

Apolloneuro · 25/09/2024 09:33

Mmm it’s just a fortunate consequence that your problems in France has led to a writing for profit opportunity then.

If you were uncomfortable with the pushy, donation profile of Substack, why use it, or at the very least you could make it very clear you don’t want people to give you money? You didn’t, though, did you. ‘Hey everyone. I’m using an existing setup I’ve got. Please don’t give me any money; you can read for free.’

Why not set up a new thread on here. There’s threads that renew and have been going for years. Surely we’d be an ideal audience?

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 25/09/2024 09:20

Apolloneuro · 25/09/2024 00:40

Are you genuine @Notsurehowtoprocessthis? I’ve got to admit, I feel a bit uncomfortable with how quickly you’ve produced a blog, which quite robustly encourages paid for subscriptions.

İt's been around two weeks since someone mentioned it. Two weeks of getting my mind together and my body rested enough to mull over whether I wanted to or not, and focus enough to write one short post and figure out how to change the name. I haven't even figured out putting on the pictures yet so it's not exactly quick work or like I had this lying in the wings waiting like a Blue Peter presenter. I know you've reported your post, but just putting this out there incase you've planted any negative seeds about me in others. I can use my secondary school skill of writing in my own voice and a more formal voice, interchangeably, but that doesn't mean that I'm immune to someone being absolutely awful to me and having an emotionally crap time in another country. I can also do calculus still, and I remember some of the periodic table, does that mean I shouldn't get upset about stuff and reach out for emotional support on Mumsnet?

OP posts:
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 25/09/2024 08:56

Substack is free to read. They put the paid option on, not me. And I literally changed it from the amount they had on there to the lowest possible amount on there. I tried to put £1 as the lowest subscription but it wouldn't let me.

Someone said I didn't want to be exposed. No, I actually said I didn't want the name of the campsite on here incase people googled the campsite and then I'm forever linked to it in search results via my upsetting experience. There were people I was talking to there, who were literally googling the campsite to add positive reviews, and I didn't want people I knew to be reading all my emotions and thoughts. I don't know anyone in real life who uses Mumsnet. No one is going to find me via a blog with my first name on it, I've got no public social media and my photos aren't anywhere else. Anyway, my name was already on it, I couldn't take it off entirely, I tried, and I didn't have the mental energy to try and start all over again on a different platform.

İt was other mums on here anyway who asked me to start a blog and keep writing, so how could I be a scammer? They said I was good at writing. We all learned to write different styles in secondary school English, so I don't understand how you could say to others that me retaining that knowledge and writing a bit more focusedly for an introduction, could make me a scammer?

OP posts:
Apolloneuro · 25/09/2024 08:09

I’ve reported my own post for troll hunting! Just felt like I wanted the kind, generous posters on this thread to tread very carefully. Substack is pushy about pledging money to people.

Apolloneuro · 25/09/2024 07:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Codlingmoths · 25/09/2024 00:53

@Apolloneuro im pretty sure that’s just the site module, and you can ‘subscribe’ without paying, it’s as much that they’ve ported paying language to be used for the concept of signing up as anything.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 25/09/2024 00:53

I thought you didn't name the campsite on this thread as you didn't wanted to be identified or for the thread to be found and posted somewhere like the Daily Mail as then the former friend would know about it.

However i have now seen your photo and first name...

PurpleChrayn · 25/09/2024 00:47

Surely nobody will be mad/sad enough to subscribe to that..

Apolloneuro · 25/09/2024 00:40

Are you genuine @Notsurehowtoprocessthis? I’ve got to admit, I feel a bit uncomfortable with how quickly you’ve produced a blog, which quite robustly encourages paid for subscriptions.

Imbusytodaysorry · 24/09/2024 20:38

Hi OP @Notsurehowtoprocessthis I’d also like the link for the campsite please 😊

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 24/09/2024 16:21

Drumroll please.....

https://aufamily.substack.com/

I've made a start on the blog, and created an introduction. I need to figure out how to put a picture in the background of the title of the blog post on the homepage, but hoping I can slowly jazz it up a bit, and get more posts on there which have a bit more of my voice, but I'm so grateful for you all for giving me the nudge to get it going! That little puzzle photo, I made that on substacks AI picture generator! It took a few attempts for it to get the message, but I think I got there. I'm so pleased, as I've never generated an image before! I don't seem to be able to generate images for the blog posts itself, just the thumbnail for my profile, but maybe someone else knows how I can?

Au Family | Hypermo-Mummy | Substack

Learning to be still in the moment....allowing neurodiversity to expand and reveal itself. A neurodiverse, disability family who love to travel, but don't like crowds. Click to read Au Family, by Hypermo-Mummy, a Substack publication. Launched 9 months...

https://aufamily.substack.com

OP posts:
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 24/09/2024 16:18

LardoBurrows · 24/09/2024 12:59

It's good to hear how positive and strong you are sounding and well done for tackling the credit card debt. I agree with you about saving for Christmas and Halloween instead of going away at half term. There are so many nice things you and DD can do on days out rather than paying to stay elsewhere, plus as you have a moving date coming soon I suspect you will have your hands full.

That's great news about your new physio, sounds a lot more positive and I really hope he can help you to get the medical care you need.

Thank you. I do like a positive day. There haven't been so many lately, but I'm definitely finding more, and hoping for more.

OP posts:
LardoBurrows · 24/09/2024 12:59

It's good to hear how positive and strong you are sounding and well done for tackling the credit card debt. I agree with you about saving for Christmas and Halloween instead of going away at half term. There are so many nice things you and DD can do on days out rather than paying to stay elsewhere, plus as you have a moving date coming soon I suspect you will have your hands full.

That's great news about your new physio, sounds a lot more positive and I really hope he can help you to get the medical care you need.

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 24/09/2024 10:29

Morning all! Well I've been sorting out a blog just now. I found an old Substack account which I made for a writing course last winter and never really used, so I played around with that, and got it ready to start writing about our life on it. I'm not sure what to write, but I'm excited to give it a go and start sharing more things :) I've managed to get the debts sorted out yesterday- I shifted everything over to a balance transfer card, and in total I only have £50 a month to pay off for this debt and some old debts altogether, and it's interest free until Jan 2025. I'm kicking the can down the road, but hopefully things will be better off by then, and it won't be an issue to keep paying them off and pay off a bigger amount. I had a new physio see me at the GP's and he's much better than the last and said he will proper investigate my pains with scans and not just see physio as the only solution.

So all is well that ends well. I'm just waiting for a moving date and then my life will be a lot better moving forwards. I went to my favourite place to get food and drink yesterday evening with DD and we had a drink each and some fries, and it made me feel so much more settled than I have done since I got home. I feel like I'm finally putting the toxicity and upheaval of that week behind me, and I got to speak to my therapist about it all as well, which really helped. I wanted to do a little UK trip with dd at half term, to make up for the upheaval of the last one, but then I started thinking about Christmas and Halloween and all the nice things we can do around then, and I decided to save for those.

Once I write a post on the substack, I'll share it here for those of you who want to stay connected :) It's been lovely having people reach out and ask for the campsite details and being able to make new connections, and share travel tips with one another.

OP posts:
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 22/09/2024 11:44

alrightluv · 22/09/2024 09:34

You're sounding a lot less vulnerable

Thank you, that means a lot. X

OP posts:
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 22/09/2024 11:44

CrochetForLife · 22/09/2024 09:58

I don't really understand, did ex-friend use the tickets, or not, @Notsurehowtoprocessthis ?

No she didn't, but I had no way of knowing until I got to the gate and the man scanned them both, as she wouldn't reply to my messages.

OP posts:
CrochetForLife · 22/09/2024 09:58

I don't really understand, did ex-friend use the tickets, or not, @Notsurehowtoprocessthis ?

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