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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

940 replies

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 21:49

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

OP posts:
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8
HolyStyleFailBatman · 05/09/2024 18:05

I think you sound amazing! Such a stressful situation and you're just getting it sorted, one step at a time. I hope you manage to enjoy the rest of your holiday, even a little bit.

LawrieForShepherdsBoy · 05/09/2024 18:04

Caththegreat · 05/09/2024 17:40

Why do you need people to help you get home ff sake? Use the Internet or maybe do something daring.. talk to someone.Thats what language is for
Stop texting someone who is in the same caravan as you and talk to them.also think more about your autistic child's needs in terms of entertainment.Can you get someone to look aftrr her if you go away again? Know its hugely difficult but you need a life too.

say what?

BrendaSmall · 05/09/2024 18:01

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 05/09/2024 15:23

We weren't in the caravan I was sitting at a table by the pool with my DD. Her dd kept coming over whilst my DD was screaming her head off then crying and running off to her mum, who instead of removing her from the situation, kept saying how out of order my DD was for screaming and they kept coming back over and saying how unfair it was that she was screaming whilst her dd was upset. Her DLA disability is slightly partial hearing difficulties. She's actually using her adult daughters pip to apply for the queue jump, who isn't here. She stubbed her toe and there was a tiny bit of blood, like a speck but it was enough to freak my DD out who has a phobia of blood.

It’s your daughter who should have been removed from the situation not the other girl, your daughter was screaming and upsetting the other girl!

FreebieWallopFridge · 05/09/2024 17:46

Caththegreat · 05/09/2024 17:40

Why do you need people to help you get home ff sake? Use the Internet or maybe do something daring.. talk to someone.Thats what language is for
Stop texting someone who is in the same caravan as you and talk to them.also think more about your autistic child's needs in terms of entertainment.Can you get someone to look aftrr her if you go away again? Know its hugely difficult but you need a life too.

What a spiteful, unnecessary post.

Caththegreat · 05/09/2024 17:40

Why do you need people to help you get home ff sake? Use the Internet or maybe do something daring.. talk to someone.Thats what language is for
Stop texting someone who is in the same caravan as you and talk to them.also think more about your autistic child's needs in terms of entertainment.Can you get someone to look aftrr her if you go away again? Know its hugely difficult but you need a life too.

PamperGoals2024 · 05/09/2024 17:30

What a nightmare human.

I'd be tempted not to give her any more fuel. Cut all ties even if it means you pay more now, you can be rid of her. Just the principle of it.

However probably the sensible thing to do is get you both home at the least cost.

And keep her at a distance from you and your DD.

Boopeedoop · 05/09/2024 17:20

Would it be possible to get a cheap large rucksack from Amazon France delivered to the campsite? Might be cheaper than traveling to the next town. Ask your friend if you can pay to replace the car seat when you get home. It will be easier than dragging it everywhere with you. X

sandyhappypeople · 05/09/2024 17:10

Eurostar is £160 for both of you on Tuesday OP if you keep your original holiday timeline. From Gare du Nord to St Pancras.

If you need accommodation overnight, there's hotels and B&Bs in Paris for around £50 Monday night.

AuxArmesCitoyens · 05/09/2024 17:01

3 trains with a suitcase and an autistic 5 yr old who won't walk ? Are you sure Calais station is near the ferry terminal? Sounds mad. I would definitely go for a one shot bus over that or look for a car share.

MsNeis · 05/09/2024 16:57

5yo have meltdowns, with or without autism. The situation you're describing seems pretty "normal" to me (little kid reacting to a stressful situation that doesn't understand/doesn't know how to cope with... because she's little!).
I think your friend is maybe having a difficult situation with her own child (you hint at some kind of disconnect) and may have projected onto your daughter her own discomfort. It's very unfortunate and unconfortable for you and your little one, I'm sorry. But it has nothing to do with you or your daughter, I would bet.
I hope you can work things out with your friend 🙏

Everyoneesleistheproblem · 05/09/2024 16:51

mathanxiety · 05/09/2024 16:24

I think you need to call the ferry company and find out if the tickets are still valid or have been canceled.

This woman sounds vindictive enough to (a) steal your Disney tickets and (b) cancel the ferry tickets, even if it meant buying new tickets for herself and her child.

It's the ferry tickets I'd worry about.

Where are you getting this from!?

Friend had enough of the Op after her own daughter got injured. She's left the Ops car seat in case Op needs it and because it's not hers and gone to stay at Disney (which was on the cards for both)

Theres nothing to say she isn't coming back.

NTmumAutisticteenagemeltdowns · 05/09/2024 16:43

You sound like an amazing mother. I'm sorry I haven't got time to read the full thread but I have an autistic daughter and you are doing all the right things. Your daughter is lucky to have you and I hope you are able to travel home safely xx

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 05/09/2024 16:30

İ've had a look and I think my cheapest way home will be the train from Disney to Lille then two trains to Calais. The Eurostar was 300 euros so that's out of the question. The Flixbus worked out not much difference in price and I'd have to navigate rush hour London with my luggage and DD to get from victoria to st pancras to get home. Only problem there's only three foot passenger ferries and I'll be having to get the same time as the one which is booked. There's only one kids area. I've had two offers of a lift from Dover from friends back home though so that's something :)

OP posts:
SuperLoudPoppingAction · 05/09/2024 16:30

Yeah she's going to get laughed at if she tries to use the details of someone who isn't a guest at the park to queue jump, unless she's defrauding them.
It's a shame when the system is abused as it is the best access I've experienced in a theme park.
The pass is a card with your photo on, which they make after checking your paperwork.

TheCryingTheBitchAndTheFloordrobe · 05/09/2024 16:25

Honestly, forget about the unnecessary expense of a suitcase, go on Amazon.fr and search for shopping bags (sacs à provisions). Get a couple of the ones that zip up for a few euros.

mathanxiety · 05/09/2024 16:24

I think you need to call the ferry company and find out if the tickets are still valid or have been canceled.

This woman sounds vindictive enough to (a) steal your Disney tickets and (b) cancel the ferry tickets, even if it meant buying new tickets for herself and her child.

It's the ferry tickets I'd worry about.

angstypant · 05/09/2024 16:23

herecomesthesondodedoodoo · 04/09/2024 22:42

If your friend leaves you stranded in another country, because your autistic daughter had a rare meltdown, then she is a massive cunt! You're being far too kind to your 'freind's' feelings here. Even if she's changed her mind in the morning, the fact a friend even threatened to abandon you both would be friendship ending for me. I hope you find a way to get home safely with your daughter.

This 100%. If she abandons you and your dd she is the worst if people. I wouldn't want anything to do with someone like that ever again.

ErickBroch · 05/09/2024 16:22

OP just to offer advice but Disneyland Paris are now extremely strict in the queue jump process. You will need to prove DLA, Access Pass, or something else extremely concrete. If you need a wheelchair etc when there that is fine and they can support but that doesn't allow for queue jump anymore. I just don't want you to make all the effort and be disappointed.

If the tickets are free, and you feel up for going, then as your DD is 5 maybe just go and enjoy the actual park rather than long queues? At that age everything is quite magic - the parades, characters, themed shops, the train cart ride. You can have a lovely day without the rides.

momtoboys · 05/09/2024 16:08

"I honestly haven't done anything wrong, to the pp who suggested I apologise. All I did was hug my DD and tend to her and focus on her and quietly and calmly and gently say that I couldn't make her stop screaming and that she was having a meltdown when my ex friend came over aggressively kicking off about it."

This sounds ,like this has been a terribly stressful situation for you. But would it really be so out of line to apologize? I know you didn't do anything wrong and neither did your daughter but the situation did cause drama and upended what was seemingly a nice getaway. A getaway for your friend too. I think an apology may be in order (even though she has acted like a loon).

Saker · 05/09/2024 15:50

You could also use the car seat on the coach. You can get an overnight coach from Disneyland to London with Flixbus. Your daughter may even sleep then in a car seat.

Saker · 05/09/2024 15:48

Just to say again, do consider coach and ferry (Flixbus) then it would be all included in the trip and you wouldn't have to think about booking ferries etc. Also could you order a suitcase to be delivered to a click and collect near you from Amazon.fr? But actually you may be better to get a rucksack to make it easier to carry things and look after your daughter.

knackeredmu · 05/09/2024 15:45

Go to the reception of the euro camp and check bit you can Amazon prime bags etc using the French Amazon site to the campsite - save you having to go anywhere

French trains are nice and smooth / efficient

Your so called friend sounds like a pain in the arse but you can do this and enjoy it xxx

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 05/09/2024 15:30

DoreenonTill8 · 05/09/2024 15:27

Her DLA disability is slightly partial hearing difficulties. She's actually using her adult daughters pip to apply for the queue jump, who isn't here. She stubbed her toe and there was a tiny bit of blood, like a speck but it was enough to freak my DD out who has a phobia of blood.
Well that won't work will it as am sure Disney staff will see that adult pip info won't match a 5 yo!
And a tiny speck of blood? From the OP I'd thought quite a lot of blood loss, but a stubbed toe?!

No it was just a stubbed toe.

OP posts:
DoreenonTill8 · 05/09/2024 15:27

Her DLA disability is slightly partial hearing difficulties. She's actually using her adult daughters pip to apply for the queue jump, who isn't here. She stubbed her toe and there was a tiny bit of blood, like a speck but it was enough to freak my DD out who has a phobia of blood.
Well that won't work will it as am sure Disney staff will see that adult pip info won't match a 5 yo!
And a tiny speck of blood? From the OP I'd thought quite a lot of blood loss, but a stubbed toe?!

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 05/09/2024 15:27

Ardrahan · 05/09/2024 15:13

Yes, but she does also say elsewhere that her daughter was melting down in her arms for an hour, and that her friend was ‘giving her daggers’ the whole time, which suggests the friend was present throughout?

It’s not really clear to me what happened in between the other child’s injury/ the meltdown, and the text message from the friend saying that she was moving to a hotel, which the OP says she received when she had just got into bed.

But she also keeps referring to ‘the room’, which suggests they were sharing a room in their accommodation, which may well have been a lot, especially if there are two five year olds, one with autism, and one who receives DLA, and a mother who is struggling.

Though I can’t see how they wouldn’t have actually talked rather than texted if they were sharing a room or other tiny space, or how the friend and her daughter could have left without the OP being aware?

Sorry for the confusion. I did say room in my OP because I was trying not to be outing. But that's gone out the window now.

İt's a caravan with a bedroom at either end. You can't hear anything from one room whilst you're in another. All I heard this morning was some banging doors and then car door opening and closing, all of which lasted about five minutes or less. I was still half asleep as I couldn't sleep the night before.

OP posts: