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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

940 replies

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 21:49

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

OP posts:
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murasaki · 06/09/2024 20:56

You've made some friends, so that's a definite plus.

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 06/09/2024 20:52

I'm feeling a bit emotional obviously. İt's hard to think about me getting it wrong, and I do feel some shame when people ask how we got here etc and I have to explain I did have a friend but my poor friendship choices led to this. But everyone has been really supportive about it. I guess it's just a bit embarrassing as everyone is families or groups of families who just have normal solid stable itineraries and I feel a bit like Annie the orphan. Even though I know I'm not. I've got a good routine at home and my life is stable. İt's just some kind of shame I need to get over in my head.

OP posts:
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 06/09/2024 20:48

Londonrach1 · 06/09/2024 20:32

Hope goes ok on Sunday...did ex friend contact you...

No not a peep. One of the families we met yesterday though has offered to take the car seat back though! They're leaving in the morning so they've grabbed it just now. I feel such a relief. And DD has a new friend to meet up with for a play date as they're about forty minutes from us!

OP posts:
Londonrach1 · 06/09/2024 20:32

Hope goes ok on Sunday...did ex friend contact you...

Cural · 06/09/2024 19:19

I don't care what you did or didn't do OP, leaving you with no transport and a small child is disgraceful. You're coping better than I would. Impressive!

Clearinguptheclutter · 06/09/2024 19:18

whynotwhatknot · 05/09/2024 12:17

i dont know what sort of tiket you giave her for disney bu you cant buy anthing on the gate anymore just bear that in mind before making your way

Yeah we went earlier this year and it was surprisingly difficult to just buy a ticket to go in. Doable (on a phone) but not that easy. I think most people are on some kind of accomodation package.

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 06/09/2024 18:34

Doingtheboxerbeat · 06/09/2024 18:02

I don't wish to pile on but just reading the OP's responses to some of the suggestions gives me the impression that she seems quite placid and reasonable.
Being on the fence seems in this instance is unhelpful.

Ahhhh thank you. The comments on here are amazing and have really helped me think clearly and stay emotionally okay.

OP posts:
Thisoldheartofmine · 06/09/2024 18:34

@LardoBurrows oh good idea about trolley.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 06/09/2024 18:02

Vikina · 06/09/2024 14:39

I'd like to hear both sides of the story.... anyway I hope you and your daughter get home safely.

I don't wish to pile on but just reading the OP's responses to some of the suggestions gives me the impression that she seems quite placid and reasonable.
Being on the fence seems in this instance is unhelpful.

Catandsquirrel · 06/09/2024 17:40

Vikina · 06/09/2024 14:39

I'd like to hear both sides of the story.... anyway I hope you and your daughter get home safely.

Ah come on. Like what? It would have to be a hell of an other side to justify leaving a friend and small child stranded abroad with bulky luggage (or at least thinking they were stranded and not confirming either way).

Talkingfrog · 06/09/2024 17:32

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 06/09/2024 14:41

İ've decided to go on Sunday, if DD is still wanting to go. Thank you for your kind words!

@whynotwhatknot thank you! I think because I already have the tickets I just show them at guest services. They just don't have a specific date on them. İf my ex friend has used the tickets then I'll buy some online from my phone at the gate :) I don't have the access pass. I didn't have time to order one as I only booked the holiday a few weeks ago after a friend said they went to the Olympics with their five year old and that it was manageable.

I think you have done very well with all of this. I don't think i would have been able to hold it together so well.

Can I ask you to double check with the person that gave you the tickets if you need to do anything to register your park date in advance. Alternatively contact DLP on messenger to check (if they can reply at this point).

I only say that because you normally need a reservation if the ticket is undated, but I don't know if this applies to the type of ticket you have. Tickets are only available on the gate in limited circumstances such as disabled and one carer. ,so you would need to book on the day tickets on your phone. I have checked and they are showing availability for Sunday, but that could change by Sunday morning, and on the day tickets would be more expensive than ones bought in advance.

Assuming you are ok to get in, do you have the dlp app. if not search the app/play store for disneyland paris. The one you need is pinky purple, with a white minnie head and a castle. On there you can see ride times, character meets, parade/show times etc.

Fantasyland may be a good place to start with a 5 year old. Million splashes of colour and the all stars parade are good ways to see characters at a distance. Some characters have long wait times, but others not as much. If your daughter is happy to see them from a distance, instead of actually have a meet with them then you can see quite a few. The meets that have a long wait are mickey and the princesses.

roundthepound · 06/09/2024 16:54

Vikina · 06/09/2024 14:39

I'd like to hear both sides of the story.... anyway I hope you and your daughter get home safely.

Thanks for sharing that.

Anything else you want? World peace, longer legs, chips for tea?

LIZS · 06/09/2024 15:51

Is there a y chance your new friends would take a bag of bedding and towels back to Uk for you? Or you tape a bag for life to the suitcase handles?

whynotwhatknot · 06/09/2024 15:36

sorry might have misread about the tikets if you booked four two should still be valid

you do have to be altogeter to use access pass though

babyhighlandcow · 06/09/2024 15:32

Greyrockin · 06/09/2024 15:29

Well you can't can you? go away with your passive aggressive snideness.

Why so aggressive yourself? Weird. I’d like to hear the other side too. Even if I can’t obviously.

whynotwhatknot · 06/09/2024 15:31

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 06/09/2024 14:41

İ've decided to go on Sunday, if DD is still wanting to go. Thank you for your kind words!

@whynotwhatknot thank you! I think because I already have the tickets I just show them at guest services. They just don't have a specific date on them. İf my ex friend has used the tickets then I'll buy some online from my phone at the gate :) I don't have the access pass. I didn't have time to order one as I only booked the holiday a few weeks ago after a friend said they went to the Olympics with their five year old and that it was manageable.

just be prepare for it to sell out ont want to pani you but there is restrixtions to how many they sell per day

Greyrockin · 06/09/2024 15:29

Vikina · 06/09/2024 14:39

I'd like to hear both sides of the story.... anyway I hope you and your daughter get home safely.

Well you can't can you? go away with your passive aggressive snideness.

NiftyKoala · 06/09/2024 15:05

I hope you are proud of yourself. You took a bad situation and potentially ruined holiday and turned it around for you and dd! I hope you have a great time!!

LardoBurrows · 06/09/2024 15:05

@Notsurehowtoprocessthis Just a suggestion, but a folding luggage trolley might solve your luggage problems and be a lot cheaper than a wheeled suitcase. You could strap on your bags for life with your bedding and the car seat and once at home they fold down flat for storage. With your hyper mobility I thought that maybe the luggage trolley might be useful at home and not be a wasted cost by buying a duplicate of something you already have.

I think you are handling the whole situation brilliantly and your friend is a total bitch. There is no way I'd ever abandon a friend and their young child miles from home, even if I'd fallen out with them, you just don't do that if you are a fully functioning adult with even a smidgeon of empathy.

murasaki · 06/09/2024 14:46

Are you doing the paras tomorrow (I think rhat was the plan)?

murasaki · 06/09/2024 14:45

Im impressed with your flexibility re plans, it's so not me! Hopefully she will want to go on Sunday and you'll have a great day, and not have to buy new tickets, but if not, it sounds like you'll have a good day anyway, even if on site.

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 06/09/2024 14:41

BrieHugger · 06/09/2024 14:19

You’re handling this amazingly well @Notsurehowtoprocessthis!! When have you decided to go to Disney?

İ've decided to go on Sunday, if DD is still wanting to go. Thank you for your kind words!

@whynotwhatknot thank you! I think because I already have the tickets I just show them at guest services. They just don't have a specific date on them. İf my ex friend has used the tickets then I'll buy some online from my phone at the gate :) I don't have the access pass. I didn't have time to order one as I only booked the holiday a few weeks ago after a friend said they went to the Olympics with their five year old and that it was manageable.

OP posts:
Vikina · 06/09/2024 14:39

I'd like to hear both sides of the story.... anyway I hope you and your daughter get home safely.

whynotwhatknot · 06/09/2024 14:22

just incase yu missed my post but you cant buy disney ticket on the gate has to be in advance online

as for accesspass do you have the british one you can show that thhy'll give you eqvalentq for disney they dont just accept your word for it that change a few years ago they want some sort of evidence

BrieHugger · 06/09/2024 14:19

You’re handling this amazingly well @Notsurehowtoprocessthis!! When have you decided to go to Disney?