Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

940 replies

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 21:49

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
teddyclown · 07/09/2024 09:43

NiftyKoala · 07/09/2024 03:24

OP I'm usually not one for SM bragging but if yiu do have SM please post all about the fun you and dd are having so this "friend" can see she ruined absolutely nothing for you.

Totally agree with this 👏

Whatafustercluck · 07/09/2024 09:07

Have a brilliant weekend, op. Your op and updates have made me get angry, cry smile and laugh in equal measure. You and your dd deserve to have a wonderful time.

I'm still raging about your 'friend' though. I'm afraid I'd have to blow a gasket with her before cutting her out of my life completely. She needs to know exactly what what she's done and how you feel about her cruel actions. I'd be pretty consumed by ill feeling tbh, it's testament to your character and your relationship with your daughter that you've managed to overcome this.

simpledeer · 07/09/2024 08:48

Agreed. You really are an amazing woman @Notsurehowtoprocessthis

I hope you have a brilliant weekend.

Thisoldheartofmine · 07/09/2024 08:42

I agree , you really are an inspiration. I'm in awe of your resilience under pressure.

NiftyKoala · 07/09/2024 03:24

Normallynumb · 06/09/2024 22:39

Such a lovely update OP it's testament to you and your DDs lovely characters that you have made friends easily, and it's great of them to take the car seat back.
Please don't feel shame about the circumstances. I'm sure they were shocked a friend would do that to you
When anyone asks " How was your holiday?" You can honestly say " it was lovely"

OP I'm usually not one for SM bragging but if yiu do have SM please post all about the fun you and dd are having so this "friend" can see she ruined absolutely nothing for you.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 06/09/2024 23:13

Op, you are an inspiration! I think so many readers of your thread feel very proud of you, and we are all rooting for you.

Perhaps it might be worth asking the French camp personnel for help with the tickets? if they can help you to register for Sunday attendance?
It may be different for the free tickets, but when we were there July last year many days had Sold Out signs up before parks opened.

Best of luck for the rest of your trip and for the journey home.

Normallynumb · 06/09/2024 22:39

Such a lovely update OP it's testament to you and your DDs lovely characters that you have made friends easily, and it's great of them to take the car seat back.
Please don't feel shame about the circumstances. I'm sure they were shocked a friend would do that to you
When anyone asks " How was your holiday?" You can honestly say " it was lovely"

whynotwhatknot · 06/09/2024 22:06

is it unated? if so says you nee to register

https://www.disneylandparis.com/en-int/register-tickets/

https://www.disneylandparis.com/en-int/register-tickets

Tiredofallthis101 · 06/09/2024 22:00

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 06/09/2024 21:35

Funnily enough I did tell DD something similar this evening as we were walking back to the caravan. I told her I had had the most special holiday and it was all because of her. She said 'it's because I love being on holiday'. I was just so proud of her because it was all thanks to her we met some really decent people and the car seat was sorted as well. She had befriended the group of kids in the soft play and spent the evening with them and the family said they'd see her the next day round the pool. She's just got such intense social anxiety at times, with selective mutism and finds it hard to approach new kids as rejection in the past has affected her, so it was amazing to see her do that after a day alone in the rain. She saved the whole holiday. We've both had company at the campsite and we've got something positive to add to our lives at home. İt makes such a difference as the holiday we had last year just didn't have the same friendly vibe, and she couldn't find any kids to play with very easily, so we spent the whole time alone. Even with the drama, this holiday has surpassed the last one we had.

Such a lovely update OP. Just think you never would have met these people if your nasty bitch of a 'friend' was still around.

Best of luck getting back. And when you see nasty bitch you can genuinely tell her what a wonderful holiday you had, and thanks so much for giving you the opportunity to meet some wonderful people.

alrightluv · 06/09/2024 21:56

It's all sounding much better.

Talkingfrog · 06/09/2024 21:49

Glad you got someone to take the car seat back for you, and have a new friend to meet up with when you are back at home.

Reservations are secured on the day of visit sounds as if you do it on the day. Park hopper tickets means you can go into either or both of the parks.

armadillio · 06/09/2024 21:43

We had free tickets from a relative who worked for Disney, we just turned up on the day, didn’t reserve.

Not sure how that works if you need to speak to them about accessibility services.

whynotwhatknot · 06/09/2024 21:41

im not sure how you reserve a day with the free ticket. maybe check disney website

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 06/09/2024 21:35

MintyNew · 06/09/2024 20:58

Op I read this thread and just want to give you and dd a hug. I can't believe how cruel a person your friend is, she is a mother after all. How does her conscience allow her to leave a mother and child stranded in another country. And you have remained so level headed and strong even though you were probably stressed out. Your dd is lucky to have a mum like you! Please block this woman and never have anything to do with her again. Tell your dd that she is amazing and you are proud of her. Hopefully you make the best of the time there and get home safely.

Funnily enough I did tell DD something similar this evening as we were walking back to the caravan. I told her I had had the most special holiday and it was all because of her. She said 'it's because I love being on holiday'. I was just so proud of her because it was all thanks to her we met some really decent people and the car seat was sorted as well. She had befriended the group of kids in the soft play and spent the evening with them and the family said they'd see her the next day round the pool. She's just got such intense social anxiety at times, with selective mutism and finds it hard to approach new kids as rejection in the past has affected her, so it was amazing to see her do that after a day alone in the rain. She saved the whole holiday. We've both had company at the campsite and we've got something positive to add to our lives at home. İt makes such a difference as the holiday we had last year just didn't have the same friendly vibe, and she couldn't find any kids to play with very easily, so we spent the whole time alone. Even with the drama, this holiday has surpassed the last one we had.

OP posts:
armadillio · 06/09/2024 21:28

DefyingGravitas · 06/09/2024 21:24

On the shame thing.. I do think lots of people have a ‘friend I fell out with unexpectedly’ situation at some point so will understand. The older we get the more chance there is that you have a scenario like that in your past! People can be really strange and the ones that fall out with people tend to be serial offenders!

I do think lots of people have a ‘friend I fell out with unexpectedly’ situation at some point so will understand.

Oh God yes!

DefyingGravitas · 06/09/2024 21:24

On the shame thing.. I do think lots of people have a ‘friend I fell out with unexpectedly’ situation at some point so will understand. The older we get the more chance there is that you have a scenario like that in your past! People can be really strange and the ones that fall out with people tend to be serial offenders!

Londonrach1 · 06/09/2024 21:19

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 06/09/2024 20:48

No not a peep. One of the families we met yesterday though has offered to take the car seat back though! They're leaving in the morning so they've grabbed it just now. I feel such a relief. And DD has a new friend to meet up with for a play date as they're about forty minutes from us!

That's good. Shows you how bad ex friend was. Enjoy the rest of your holiday and new friends and hopefully a good travel back however you get back .

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 06/09/2024 21:16

'At Disneyland Paris Resort in France, present this printed eTicket at the Guest Relations window; you will be provided with a ticket for entry with Park Hopper privileges. Reservations are secured on the day of visit.'

This is what the free tickets say on them. I've looked everywhere online but can't find a way to make any reservation in advance with a free ticket.

OP posts:
BagelandEggs · 06/09/2024 21:13

I really hope people at home are reading this so they will know what she's done if she tries to spin in a different way that makes her the victim in this story! You are doing really well in this horrible, challenging situation!

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 06/09/2024 21:09

İ'm reading all the comments, even though I don't have it in me to reply to each one individually, and just wanted to say I'm taking it all in, and it's so lovely of you all, thank you.

OP posts:
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 06/09/2024 21:06

noctilucentcloud · 06/09/2024 20:58

Sometimes things happen OP, I mean maybe not exactly the same, but there'll be couples that fall out, injuries, cars breaking down etc. Don't feel bad, it reflects poorly on your 'friend' not you. I'm glad you don't have to lug the carseat back though. Apologies if someone's already suggested this - if you have travel insurance would that help you with any of the new costs in getting back??

I do have travel insurance, but I'm not sure how I'd prove that I'd been left without a ferry crossing and a car journey home? Maybe it could be something I could look at when I get back if I keep my travel purchases. And thank you for what you said, that's really helpful..

OP posts:
armadillio · 06/09/2024 21:05

The fact you’ve made a friend already who is willing to take your car seat back to the UK for you and also see you for play dates just shows you and dd are nice people and people like you.

MintyNew · 06/09/2024 20:59

And you have NO shame to feel. The only one who should feel any shame is the person who would leave a mother and child stranded. Disgusting woman.

MintyNew · 06/09/2024 20:58

Op I read this thread and just want to give you and dd a hug. I can't believe how cruel a person your friend is, she is a mother after all. How does her conscience allow her to leave a mother and child stranded in another country. And you have remained so level headed and strong even though you were probably stressed out. Your dd is lucky to have a mum like you! Please block this woman and never have anything to do with her again. Tell your dd that she is amazing and you are proud of her. Hopefully you make the best of the time there and get home safely.

noctilucentcloud · 06/09/2024 20:58

Sometimes things happen OP, I mean maybe not exactly the same, but there'll be couples that fall out, injuries, cars breaking down etc. Don't feel bad, it reflects poorly on your 'friend' not you. I'm glad you don't have to lug the carseat back though. Apologies if someone's already suggested this - if you have travel insurance would that help you with any of the new costs in getting back??