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Original poster

To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

940 replies

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 21:49

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

OP posts:
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8
Daltonbear1 · 08/09/2024 13:06

Oh right but still not a problem as she thought she was travelling back with friend

Ardrahan · 08/09/2024 13:02

Daltonbear1 · 08/09/2024 12:55

@Ardrahan she left her keys un her friends car because she thought she was getting a lift back end of . You can't blame the op for friend mot returning keys meaning can't get into flat when back

No, she specifically said in one of her posts yesterday that she’d left her house keys at her friend’s house in case she lost them on holiday, and locked her own front door with spare keys she then posted through her own letterbox. The keys aren’t in the car/never came to France.

HellonHeels · 08/09/2024 13:02

Ardrahan · 08/09/2024 12:53

OP, I’m glad your daughter is feeling better, but contacting the police was a bit mad. Your holiday arrangements aren’t a police matter! I absolutely get that you’re struggling with your own physical issues and your daughter’s autism-related behaviours, but you do seem to have gone out of your way to make yourself extra-dependent on the friend you holidayed with, with all the not bringing any luggage, just a bag for life, and leaving yourself without keys to get back into your own house because you left your keys at hers.

I appreciate you weren’t expecting to fall out to this extent, but all kinds of other things can happen on a shared holiday that can disrupt arrangements and mean you have to get home separately — I’d travelled to the Gers via Eurostar with UK-based French friends once, and one of their teenagers had a fall on holiday in northern Italy, which meant they needed to drive straight there and I had to get myself and my eight year old home. Another time, the friend I was travelling with was hospitalised in Germany, while I had to get home for work. All kinds of unforeseen things happen.

I’m not justifying your friend’s behaviour for a moment, but think how much stress you’d have avoided if you’d had some form of rucksack or suitcase all along, and the keys to your own house for when you return.

Show quote history

Yes, that's tremendously helpful for OP in her current situation, isn't it!

Nothing wrong with OP using the police webchat either, presumably that's what it's for - to give advice on what is and isn't a police matter, and they advised her how to proceed.

MonsteraMama · 08/09/2024 12:55

Oof she can take that "x" and shove it where the sun don't shine, what a piece of work! She should be absolutely grovelling. I suppose she expects you to just roll over and pretend nothing happened?

Glad you've got it sorted though, one less thing to worry about! Hope your DD feels better & wishing you both a safe and smooth journey home 💐

Daltonbear1 · 08/09/2024 12:55

@Ardrahan she left her keys un her friends car because she thought she was getting a lift back end of . You can't blame the op for friend mot returning keys meaning can't get into flat when back

alrightluv · 08/09/2024 12:53

Hmm funny that isn't it? Replying when you mention police.

I hope dd gets well soon. When mine were little the swimming pool helped with colds. Maybe a little swim would be OK?

Ardrahan · 08/09/2024 12:53

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 08/09/2024 12:35

A little slow and confusing but okay, thank you :)

DD woke up really poorly and the Eurocamp bookings for the extra two nights had disappeared overnight from the website for today. So I've booked one extra night at reception so she has time to recover. She was wheezing, hot, coughing, lying down, sore throat etc, but since lunch time she's miraculously starting to perk up.

She wants to go to the pool but I've said no because she's been so unwell, but maybe tomorrow. She's not bothered about Disney now and just said she wants to go home. I could still book a couple more nights through the website from Tuesday so we can go to Disney but we'd have to move caravans that day and as we both want to go home, I think we'll come back early next summer and do Disney.

I'm really tired and need to clean the caravan and do laundry but just can't face it. It's peaceful here though with the trees all around us.

I didn't hear back about the keys and with all the faffing it would take to find a friend to go and get home and hope someone was in at her house and find her door number off street view, I decided it was easier to ask the local police for help. I did a web chat and they said to give her a date the keys needed to be back by Tuesday or they would be reported as stolen. I gave her the option to drop at my neighbours or arrange with someone we both know to get them from her and contact me. She replied quickly after that saying of course she would drop them off on Monday and she'd been busy. She put a kiss so I think she's trying to paint herself in a better light. I can't be asked with the head games so I'm just glad to get the keys and not ever speak to her again. If she's saying she's been busy I'm wondering if she's even still in France.

Show quote history

OP, I’m glad your daughter is feeling better, but contacting the police was a bit mad. Your holiday arrangements aren’t a police matter! I absolutely get that you’re struggling with your own physical issues and your daughter’s autism-related behaviours, but you do seem to have gone out of your way to make yourself extra-dependent on the friend you holidayed with, with all the not bringing any luggage, just a bag for life, and leaving yourself without keys to get back into your own house because you left your keys at hers.

I appreciate you weren’t expecting to fall out to this extent, but all kinds of other things can happen on a shared holiday that can disrupt arrangements and mean you have to get home separately — I’d travelled to the Gers via Eurostar with UK-based French friends once, and one of their teenagers had a fall on holiday in northern Italy, which meant they needed to drive straight there and I had to get myself and my eight year old home. Another time, the friend I was travelling with was hospitalised in Germany, while I had to get home for work. All kinds of unforeseen things happen.

I’m not justifying your friend’s behaviour for a moment, but think how much stress you’d have avoided if you’d had some form of rucksack or suitcase all along, and the keys to your own house for when you return.

Daltonbear1 · 08/09/2024 12:41

So she's deliberately ignored you until uiu said the police was gonna get involved what an utter cxxt. U should tell people you say you dontwant an issue but maybe people need to know what she's like especially anyone trusting her again . I do hope you texted back and say oh so busy not to give a shut about a mum and child with no transport in a foreign country . Not sure why you being so polite

Original poster
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 08/09/2024 12:35

curtaintwitcher78 · 08/09/2024 12:10

@Notsurehowtoprocessthis
How is today going?

A little slow and confusing but okay, thank you :)

DD woke up really poorly and the Eurocamp bookings for the extra two nights had disappeared overnight from the website for today. So I've booked one extra night at reception so she has time to recover. She was wheezing, hot, coughing, lying down, sore throat etc, but since lunch time she's miraculously starting to perk up.

She wants to go to the pool but I've said no because she's been so unwell, but maybe tomorrow. She's not bothered about Disney now and just said she wants to go home. I could still book a couple more nights through the website from Tuesday so we can go to Disney but we'd have to move caravans that day and as we both want to go home, I think we'll come back early next summer and do Disney.

I'm really tired and need to clean the caravan and do laundry but just can't face it. It's peaceful here though with the trees all around us.

I didn't hear back about the keys and with all the faffing it would take to find a friend to go and get home and hope someone was in at her house and find her door number off street view, I decided it was easier to ask the local police for help. I did a web chat and they said to give her a date the keys needed to be back by Tuesday or they would be reported as stolen. I gave her the option to drop at my neighbours or arrange with someone we both know to get them from her and contact me. She replied quickly after that saying of course she would drop them off on Monday and she'd been busy. She put a kiss so I think she's trying to paint herself in a better light. I can't be asked with the head games so I'm just glad to get the keys and not ever speak to her again. If she's saying she's been busy I'm wondering if she's even still in France.

OP posts:
curtaintwitcher78 · 08/09/2024 12:10

@Notsurehowtoprocessthis
How is today going?

OliveWoe · 08/09/2024 11:54

@MNHQ - Another vote for the uber-resilient @Notsurehowtoprocessthis's thread to be moved to Classics please!

Thisoldheartofmine · 08/09/2024 07:18

There is a lot of stuff on MN that I don't read but by goodness posters can be so helpful.
There was an immense thread at the time of a huge volcanic ash cloud that stranded hundreds of air passengers.
So much offered, places to stay, translators...
I've so enjoyed your thread , and as someone said - keep being you !!

Original poster
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 07/09/2024 22:35

Vettrianofan · 07/09/2024 17:50

Get this thread popped into Classics please ❤️❤️

That is so sweet, I don't know how! Would it be strange of me to get my own thread put into classics, like some form of self glory though?

I was thinking everyone who is involved in this thread would make a great group for helping people navigate holiday difficulties. I think we would all be an amazing team. That would be something to create a Mumsnet section for, wouldn't it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 07/09/2024 22:31

EdithBond · 07/09/2024 09:52

OP, this is such a wonderful thread of triumph over adversity. Your “friend” served you (very sour) lemons and you and your wonderful DD are making sweet lemonade.

So pleased you’ve both made friends and a kind offer of help with the car seat. I really hope you get into Disney with your free pass and have a magical day.

I hope you manage to pick up a cheap suitcase that fits everything. If not, if you don’t want to ditch your bedding and towels, maybe consider posting home. Postage may not cost that much and certainly less than a large suitcase to accommodate it. Or, when you’re at the supermarket, maybe look for vacuum bags to pack your stuff. I’m sure the cleaners on the site have a hoover.

I’ve travelled worldwide and the kindness of strangers has always amazed me. And, in fact, sometimes led to magical experiences I wouldn’t have had if things had gone smoothly. We make our own luck in life, if we’re determined, friendly, open and kind. And you and your DD are certainly proving that.

At least you have a bedroom each in the caravan now! Wishing you the best holiday you’ve ever had xx

The day after it all happened, I was scrolling Instagram and a post came up from a positivity page I follow, and it said 'your people weren't there for you, so I sent you strangers- the universe'. I love that you've also had experiences travelling and had people be kind to you, it really does restore faith in man and woman kind.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 07/09/2024 22:13

ifIwerenotanandroid · 07/09/2024 21:40

Gosh OP I don’t know what job you do or if you work but you would be ACE at so many tyoes of jobs. Resiliant, calm, problem solving, good communication, good at writing !! So many skills.

The other day I thought the same & I was picturing OP as an army officer - she seemed to have all the qualities for that.😁

Well done, OP! This holiday is certainly an adventure, & it's so sweet that DD is engaged in it all.

I'm wondering about 'friend'. How in the world could anyone ignore your messages & just clear off home? Might she try to C her A by turning up or contacting you to say she'll pick you up in France, & say of course that was her plan all along? But now you're a free spirit. Whatever you decide to do, have fun & I hope everything goes well.

Thank you! It's funny you say army officer because I'm so quiet and shy in real life. I've even made friends with the staff here but even when I see them sitting after their shift at the bar, I'm too shy to go and join them, even though they've made it clear they see me as a friend now and been so enthusiastic when they see me and dd. Even when I made friends with the English families I sat on the table next to them instead of joining them as inched my way over as they included me in the conversation. 🤣 Regarding my friend, she might be trying to? Even if she did try to clear her name, the car seat is already back in my home county now, so she wouldn't be able to take us back, even if she said that was always the plan. I mean she could say it was and that I never called to check, but she had already ignored my texts and left the car seat with no note or follow up text explaining why she left it. I'm just trying really hard not to get into any tit for tat or get pulled into any games and that's why I've just sucked up the extra costs and sort everything out without sitting around wondering or chasing someone who left in anger. Now I know this place is here and how great and special and accomodating it is for a single parent with a neurodiverse child, I know that I've got cheap holidays for life now, so I guess I'm not too worried about the extra costs for this time around.

Btw, I haven't written the name of the place here because I don't want this thread to come up if anyone googles the holiday name for reviews and they might know me from here! So please no one write what you think it is, if you do. I can always DM you if you want a great quiet friendly accessible park near Disney.

OP posts:
Scattery · 07/09/2024 21:58

As difficult as this trip has been, you and your DD will come out of it with memories. Hundreds of "Remember whens?" that you can ask each other for the rest of your lives. :)

alrightluv · 07/09/2024 21:57

Yes I agree with others. Without your health issues you'd be doing great. But with them you're awe inspiring.

I hope someone can get your keys?

Tahlbias · 07/09/2024 21:51

You are an inspiration OP! I probably would have fallen apart by now. Keep being you 💖

Original poster
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 07/09/2024 21:45

murasaki · 07/09/2024 21:12

You are doing brilliantly. I would have crumbled. Yay for dd spotting the suitcase, holding the wee in, and you both enjoying the paras. Do try Disney, I think phoning is a good idea if you can. And also sending a friend for the keys as a pp suggested. You've got this.

I probably would usually crumble, but I just think The Universe really wants me to have a good week. It's sent everyone and everything we need so far.

OP posts:
Normallynumb · 07/09/2024 21:44

You truly are an inspiration OP
You've navigated a really difficult year, and I can now see how much you
needed this holiday.
You've been so resourceful when abandoned in such a cruel way.
Your DD has a wonderful role model in you.
If you're feeling up to it, and can afford the 80 euros, I think your DD would be thrilled to visit DLP

ifIwerenotanandroid · 07/09/2024 21:40

Gosh OP I don’t know what job you do or if you work but you would be ACE at so many tyoes of jobs. Resiliant, calm, problem solving, good communication, good at writing !! So many skills.

The other day I thought the same & I was picturing OP as an army officer - she seemed to have all the qualities for that.😁

Well done, OP! This holiday is certainly an adventure, & it's so sweet that DD is engaged in it all.

I'm wondering about 'friend'. How in the world could anyone ignore your messages & just clear off home? Might she try to C her A by turning up or contacting you to say she'll pick you up in France, & say of course that was her plan all along? But now you're a free spirit. Whatever you decide to do, have fun & I hope everything goes well.

murasaki · 07/09/2024 21:36

Well you have problem solving down pat and thats a great skill.

Original poster
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 07/09/2024 21:28

Tuulippes · 07/09/2024 20:58

Gosh OP I don’t know what job you do or if you work but you would be ACE at so many tyoes of jobs. Resiliant, calm, problem solving, good communication, good at writing !! So many skills.
80 euros doesn’t sound too bad for two more days though of course it’s extra expense.( Îd take a picnic to disney if you go cos eating there will be expensive )

Awwwww that's so sweet thank you. I'm on limited capacity for work since the last two months as my hypermobility and fibromyalgia made things hard to function mentally a lot. But I'm hoping to work on healing and finding something which works in the future. I don't feel very patient all the time, I do have my shouty mum moments when things get intense at home...mostly during term time when DD has daily meltdowns, but getting onto my disability benefits has really helped me feel stronger lately as I know I've got that stability for me and DD now. But honestly I do believe it's been you lot which have helped me be so calm and there's been some really good people here as well and French people are calm so that's probably helping me stay more grounded. I also know how much DD has been through with my illness when it was really bad earlier in the year, I had barely any money and we couldn't have many days out, I'm determined to make up for it to her and don't want this chance to make it up to her to be ruined by anything. The other day we were at ASDA and she asked to go on one of those electronic toy plane rides they have there and I said yes, because we can afford it now. She was so excited that I said yes, because so often I've had to say no, to not let her expect it all the time, as some are 2 quid and money was so tight with lockdown, cost of living and being on basic benefits and being too ill to work, as well as her not being able to cope at full time nursery/reception with her autism and mutism. But then the little plane wasn't working and she was heartbroken. She said to me 'you always say no and you said yes this time and it's not working'. She was so sad I had to tell her we were visiting a theme park on holiday but not which one. I think that's why I can't let it be ruined. I've made her a promise and I have so much fun time making up to do from lockdown, cost of living stress etc. i haven't always been a good mum, all the stress of the last few years of what's been going on in the world have made it so hard to be present with DD and understanding of her meltdowns, but i think im getting there, and i guess I just want to keep it up and not ever go back to those harder times.

OP posts:
murasaki · 07/09/2024 21:12

You are doing brilliantly. I would have crumbled. Yay for dd spotting the suitcase, holding the wee in, and you both enjoying the paras. Do try Disney, I think phoning is a good idea if you can. And also sending a friend for the keys as a pp suggested. You've got this.

Original poster
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 07/09/2024 21:10

Apolloneuro · 07/09/2024 20:54

Do you have a sensible friend who could go and get your keys for you?

And @MonsteraMama

Of course, I don't know why this wasn't obvious to me. I don't know if or when her adult children would be in but I could ask a few people if they're able to for me and try not to give them all the details, so they don't kick off at her if she's gone home early and is there. I was just thinking I'd have to call the police if she doesn't reply.

OP posts: