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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

940 replies

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 21:49

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
DefyingGravitas · 10/09/2024 19:16

‘Disappointing but not unexpected. I’m surprised you’d want any evidence of your behaviour at this point.’

And then block her I guess.

Billybagpuss · 10/09/2024 19:00

I think I would be inclined to message back, ‘thanks for that, now both of my sets of keys are in the house and I can’t get in’ and leave it at that.

Also call a local locksmith to meet you when you’re due back if you know in advance it shouldn’t cost too much.

Ardrahan · 10/09/2024 18:28

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 10/09/2024 18:13

I know what the options were, you know what the options were, she knows what the options were but
she did exactly what she replied to you - if that is what she said in her message ' she would drop them off on Monday '

I think this is fair. It may not have been a specific act of malice if she thought the OP was already home and inside her house. (And in fairness, unless she specifically knew the OP had locked her house with her only spare keys and dropped them through the letterbox so they are also inaccessible, she could well assume the OP had left keys with other people.

TuVuoiFaLamericano · 10/09/2024 18:26

She's a nasty piece of work.

cjcghana · 10/09/2024 18:19

What an evil bitch

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 10/09/2024 18:14

hence my asking if she knew when you were returning home

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 10/09/2024 18:13

I know what the options were, you know what the options were, she knows what the options were but
she did exactly what she replied to you - if that is what she said in her message ' she would drop them off on Monday '

ifIwerenotanandroid · 10/09/2024 18:12

Does anyone have any advice for OP? I think I'd contact the police for advice again as either friend is lying, in which case the keys can be reported as stolen, or friend is telling the truth & both sets of keys are inside OP's house & the police may be able to advise on how to get in - or even send someone round to help (woman on her own, vulnerable child, etc).

ifIwerenotanandroid · 10/09/2024 18:08

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 10/09/2024 18:03

Are you home now ?

Did you tell her you had extended your holiday and wouldn't be home until Tuesday or even later

( as at one point you were considering extending it even more ? )

as ' She replied quickly after that saying of course she would drop them off on Monday ' she has done exactly as she said she would.

did she still think you were coming home on Sunday ? and therefore would be home to receive the keys on Monday

But OP said: I gave her the option to drop at my neighbours or arrange with someone we both know to get them from her and contact me. She replied quickly after that saying of course she would drop them off on Monday and she'd been busy.

So friend hasn't done what OP asked her to. She has, however, done exactly what my DH said she would, when I mentioned this thread to him.

meercat23 · 10/09/2024 18:06

That is a spiteful thing to do. She knows you don't have keys to get in with.

LardoBurrows · 10/09/2024 18:05

Wow, she is one deranged and spiteful cow. Do any friends have a copy of your keys? Any windows that could be forced? I'm so sorry you are having to endure this.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 10/09/2024 18:03

Are you home now ?

Did you tell her you had extended your holiday and wouldn't be home until Tuesday or even later

( as at one point you were considering extending it even more ? )

as ' She replied quickly after that saying of course she would drop them off on Monday ' she has done exactly as she said she would.

did she still think you were coming home on Sunday ? and therefore would be home to receive the keys on Monday

Tahlbias · 10/09/2024 17:58

Just let it rise above you. You know the truth and don't open a narrative with her. She ignore her from now on.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 10/09/2024 17:56

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 10/09/2024 17:50

Urgh she's purposefully posted my keys through my door to stop me getting in. She's said she's filmed it with witness to stop me telling the police, so sounds like she's already making up stories about me.

Where are you now? How do you know what she's done/said she's done?

LittleBear21 · 10/09/2024 17:55

Oh OP! I'm so sorry she has done that. When do you get home?

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 10/09/2024 17:50

Urgh she's purposefully posted my keys through my door to stop me getting in. She's said she's filmed it with witness to stop me telling the police, so sounds like she's already making up stories about me.

OP posts:
Grecianrainbow · 10/09/2024 14:23

If your ex friend starts tying to change the narrative it’s a hard spin to explain why she left you and your DD with no transport home. You’re better off without her.

LardoBurrows · 10/09/2024 13:59

I hope you and your daughter are feeling better today and that your journey home goes smoothly. Safe travels Op.

Tiredofallthis101 · 09/09/2024 19:05

Safe journey home qnd good luck getting your keys etc sorted. I think that you should be factual with anyone who asks how your holiday was - oh, DD and I had a fabulous time, met so many wonderful people etc. But tricky getting back but otherwise all good. Don't bring ex friend into it unless you have to and then if you do again be factual- yes, she left to go to Disney alone so we had to make our own way home. But we had a fab time anyway. Etc

It will show you in a good light not to be bitchy like she no doubt will be.

TealPoet · 09/09/2024 18:11

I hope you’re soon home safe and happy. Try not to give this toxic ex-friend any more of your mental energy. She has been in the wrong all the way along and you’ve now seen through the manipulation too. That hurts and I feel sorry for her daughter after what you’ve said, but you can’t fix this mess; just focus on all the good things you’ve listed in your posts about you and your daughter - you’ve done amazingly well, both of you! I’m so glad you’ve booked in again :)

RampantIvy · 09/09/2024 17:58

It's been quiet because the schools are already back. Have a safe and uneventul journey back home @Notsurehowtoprocessthis

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 09/09/2024 17:54

Thanks lovelies. I'm looking forward to getting back home and getting DD to school so I can have some time to process everything. It's been so quiet the last two days and there's been no one to sit and chat with, so I guess that's why I'm feeling low as well, but I've decided to book to come again next year in late spring/early summer when it's still hot and there'll be more people around to hang out with.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 09/09/2024 17:50

Now that you're packing up & heading home, it's natural to wonder what to say to people back home. So just tell them about the wonderful things you did & how much you enjoyed them. Those who know about you being deliberately stranded abroad will surely be on your side.

@Notsurehowtoprocessthis you know what they say - a life lived well is the best revenge

Make it known that you had the best time with the new friends that you and your DD made without her

And good luck for the journey home.

Normallynumb · 09/09/2024 17:29

OP, please remember it's her, not you
She was not the person you thought she was and her mask slipped on your holiday
It's natural to reflect as your holiday comes to an end, but when you are home and into your usual routine
You will look back at your resourcefulness in the face of her cruel behaviour.
Look back at the friends you and DD made.
They saw Your true colours, kindness, empathy and generosity of spirit and they helped you with practicalities that they could see you needed.
Look back at the fun you and DD had.
You went above and beyond to ensure your ex friend didn't spoil your holiday.
Very best wishes.

murasaki · 09/09/2024 16:46

Yes, best to remember the good things, the paralympics, making new friends, how much your daughter enjoyed the pool, even in the rain etc.