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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

940 replies

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 21:49

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

OP posts:
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BlankTimes · 11/09/2024 18:17

wait68 · 11/09/2024 18:13

@OhcantthInkofaname
Are you the ex-friend?
Coming in this late into the thread to drum up some sympathy?

Sounds like it could possibly be.

Anyone with a modicum of intelligence should be able to tell the difference between an autistic meltdown and a tantrum.

Particularly when it has been explained to them multiple times yet all they can do is inflame the situation.

NameChangedToDisguiseEmbarrassment · 11/09/2024 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ok I’ve been following and not posting to avoid filling up the thread. But this take - nope, either you’ve not read anywhere near through the thread or you’re as vile as the ‘friend’.

Rubberducksallround · 11/09/2024 18:15

It's not uncommon for them to let you on an earlier ferry, this has happened to me a few times when I've arrived earlier and they've just put me on the next ferry, so you might not have such a long wait at Calais.
You'll be home soon ❤️
You've got through something so difficult and challenging, keep this memory with you like a pebble, and when things are tough and you think you can't do it, take the memory out and hold it, remember who you are and what you have achieved. Xxx

wait68 · 11/09/2024 18:13

@OhcantthInkofaname
Are you the ex-friend?
Coming in this late into the thread to drum up some sympathy?

ABrokenFrame · 11/09/2024 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Wtaf?

OhcantthInkofaname · 11/09/2024 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Tiredmomma86 · 11/09/2024 17:28

I have been following your thread with interest-can I just mirror what previous posters have already said: the way you have dealt with all of this is admirable and you are clearly an amazing mother as well. I hope your travels back are safe and uneventful.
As for so called ‘friend’-what an evil, nasty individual. Even if I fell out with a friend mid-holiday there would be no way I’d leave that friend stranded in the middle of a foreign country, much less with a small child. Hopefully karma catches up-remember even if she is fabricating tales, it may take a while but the truth does always catch up.
💕

CoffeeLover90 · 11/09/2024 17:10

I've been following and I think you're amazing @Notsurehowtoprocessthis
I would have panicked, cried and ruined the holiday I think.
You deserve a long hot bath and an early night after all of this.
I'm petty as well so I'd be telling anyone who listened about shitty ex friend and her leaving her knickers for you to pick. Something you probably should have kept to post in her letterbox.

Fannyfiggs · 11/09/2024 16:48

You are bloody amazing @Notsurehowtoprocessthis. The resilience and organisational skills you have are second to none 🥇 What a woman and what a fabulous mum you are ❤️

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/09/2024 16:41

Thank you! Trains booked, ferry booked, taxi booked.

OP posts:
ginsterloo · 11/09/2024 16:32

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/09/2024 16:14

Thank you! I'm going to book the 11.11 one. I'll have a while at Calais as the crossing is 7pm but hoping can go to sleep in a couple of hours and get a good rest. I'm exhausted today.

Www.sncf-connect.com it's easy enough to navigate that site, any problems then dm me

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/09/2024 16:14

Thank you! I'm going to book the 11.11 one. I'll have a while at Calais as the crossing is 7pm but hoping can go to sleep in a couple of hours and get a good rest. I'm exhausted today.

OP posts:
ginsterloo · 11/09/2024 16:12

Forgot to add Calais Ville is a 6 min bus ride or a 15 min walk from the ferryport

ginsterloo · 11/09/2024 16:10

Tomorrow,, Marne-Le Vallee Chessy to Calais would be 77.90 euros for you and your child if you go at 10.21 arriving in Calais at 1.29 or departing at 11.11 and arriving at 2.13 it's 61 euros, quick taxi to the ferry and then you are in Dover! Hope that helps

Ireolu · 11/09/2024 16:09

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 07/09/2024 17:28

İ will come back on later and tell the story of how this happened in a much easier way than I imagined it could, but just wanted to show you all!

I'm knackered 🤣 got loads to tell you all though. I feel like you're all my new best friends.

I actually teared up at a picture of two suitcases. Well done OP. You have done brilliantly and proved more resourceful than you thought you were even when you started this thread Xx

RedToothBrush · 11/09/2024 15:39

If she has form for being vindictive and did that to her ex, I would worry if she's been in your house and done something vindictive too.

That would explain why she didn't just give keys to the neighbours too.

NOTSUREWHATIMDOINHERE · 11/09/2024 15:32

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/09/2024 10:04

No she doesn't believe in school much.

@Trobealone I understand that can be a necessity for some children. They spent months last term preparing the children for going into year one and have done quite a few days going into that classroom in July. So much so that DD was dreading it. She struggles with school so I'll probably be pushing for a part time schedule when we get back. She also did four weeks of holiday club, three days a week, and I feel the break from the pressure has done her good. She has some PDA and ADHD symptoms so the lack of free flow play is difficult for her at school.

yes, my eldest is PDA. You are well rid of that "friend"

NOTSUREWHATIMDOINHERE · 11/09/2024 15:27

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 22:21

Thanks everyone. I've got the feeling she's already booked elsewhere from the way she's worded it. She's said she's going to spend the rest of the week at Disney hotel instead as it's not working out, so sounds like she's booked it and told her DD. İ thought it would just blow over after she stormed off in a huff and that we could sort it out in the morning, but I got into bed and got that text. İn that moment I really needed so much empathy. I'd had such a beautiful day and my DD was meltdowning for over an hour in my arms and I was sat alone just trying to calm her and was getting daggers the whole time from my friend for it.

you don't need friends like that, your poor daughter, and you. Friend is being awful. I have Autistic kids and have no idea if your daughter is but I understand panic meltdowns.

MonsteraMama · 11/09/2024 15:15

Your resilience is amazing OP. Great news about the keys, what a good egg your locksmith is! Wishing you a safe and uneventful journey home 💐

alrightluv · 11/09/2024 15:00

Fantastic news

LardoBurrows · 11/09/2024 14:57

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/09/2024 13:55

Well I have the best locksmith. He's said he's away from tomorrow but he'll go over to mine today and get the keys out for me without going in. He's said he will leave them with my neighbour for me and that it will only cost me £20. İt's also great for my DD as well as she won't see anything out of the ordinary in trying to get into the house when we get back.

Oh that's fantastic news. What a relief and well done for solving yet another problem caused by your rancid ex friend. Another ✅ on the Done list. Go You.

murasaki · 11/09/2024 14:04

Good news re the locksmith! Agree that a normal.arrival home will be best for Dd, and you (even if you know whats happened).

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/09/2024 14:02

Sorry I haven't answered about Disney yet...I wanted to do a proper post and share how the whole day and tickets went and how we got there etc. I'll do it when I'm out of my exhausted mode?

OP posts:
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/09/2024 13:55

Well I have the best locksmith. He's said he's away from tomorrow but he'll go over to mine today and get the keys out for me without going in. He's said he will leave them with my neighbour for me and that it will only cost me £20. İt's also great for my DD as well as she won't see anything out of the ordinary in trying to get into the house when we get back.

OP posts:
redandyellowbits · 11/09/2024 13:29

Did your friend use up the free Disney tickets or where you able to use them?

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