Posting for traffic, sorry, I know that makes me unreasonable but I’m desperate.
I’m so stressed. Work, money, no support with parenting, few friends, little socialising due to work, no hobbies due to lack of time and money. Issues with my house annd other serious personal issues I don’t want to go into. Everything has gotten on top of me, I’m so stressed and I can’t seem to change it.
Im trying to exercise where I can, I’m keeping a ‘gratitude journal’, I’m not drinking alcohol or caffeine but I’m not hungry so not eating a great deal and still gaining weight. I’m exercising where I can (not often), I’m taking multivitamins, I’m deep breathing, listening to calming music - nothing works.
I keep getting angry over little things, snapping. Someone cuts me up and I’m raging in my car. The hoover runs out of battery and I want to throw it. I’m crying over all sorts of things. Stuff from my past and childhood keeps coming up and I don’t know why. This isn’t spilling over into any of the people in my life, just me.
I can feel tension in my body, it’s been happening so so long and I’m getting random pains and aches. My hair is greasy and falling out, my skin is grey and dull, my head aches, my jaw is agony, my teeth are suffering, I’m getting fatter around just the middle which I know is a sign of danger. I feel unwell a lot, I get sick a lot as I’m so rundown. I’m awake a lot at night. I hate myself, I hate who I’m becoming and I’m frightened.
I don’t know what to do. I’m so frightened that I’m going to have a heart attack or become long term ill from holding in all this stress. I can’t, I need to be healthy for my DC but I can’t get out of this. I’ve got a doctors appointment but it’s not for weeks on end.
How can I stop this runaway train?