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Original poster

Telling a 11 year old to be home at 7

271 replies

FreshStart2025 · 04/09/2024 20:13

Recently started secondary school, enjoying the new found freedom with friends. I think it’s reasonable to be home at 7pm for dinner, homework, shower and to chill before bed at 9pm.

She thinks this is totally unreasonable.

How does everyone manage children playing out on a school night?

yabu - Let her stay out later
yanbu - 7pm is late enough

OP posts:
MintGlitter · 04/09/2024 20:29

Depends where they are.

7pm would maybe be okay as a one off if at a friend's house, but I have my DD home by 6pm on a school night.

I wouldn't be too worried whether an 11yo thinks you're unreasonable though.

Homesweethome23 · 04/09/2024 20:29

my 14 year old isn’t allowed out on a school night.

TheTigerWhoCameToEatMyArsehole · 04/09/2024 20:29

Tell her she should count herself lucky. Mine goes to bed at 8, or she is a nightmare the next day and can't concentrate. Phones gone at half 6 so she can switch off.

Rory17384949 · 04/09/2024 20:28

I think it's quite late at 11 on a school night! I would be saying 6 in time for dinner

Original poster
FreshStart2025 · 04/09/2024 20:26

They went to the park. I mean, it’s still light and nice that she is out and about getting fresh air and exercise. Her bed time is always 9pm so still gives her 2 hours from getting home to bed. It’s not every night because she has clubs on other nights.

OP posts:
waterrat · 04/09/2024 20:26

@yellowbanana my 12 year old today went out st 6pm it was broad daylight and lovely sunshine. He had had his dinner and was running off with a football to meet friends I know in the park. Why on earth would I want his day to be any more sedentary than it already is ??

Are people aware of how much time kids spend sitting down at school ?

waterrat · 04/09/2024 20:24

@fightingsleep its a huge jump from 9 to 11 ! My 10 year old wouldn't be out either as she is far too anxious. But I truly would love to imagine her out in the park with friends on summer evenings

Remember that by 11 they really should be getting that independence so they can cope ar secondary

Motheranddaughter · 04/09/2024 20:24

Depends what they are doing
Mine were doing sports ,guides etc

No way would they just have hanging about the streets

LittleMousewithcloggson · 04/09/2024 20:22

Mine, at 11, had to come near enough straight home from school unless something definite was arranged (ie could go to cinema with friend if planned but couldn’t just hang around)
Didnt mind if they were half hour/45 mins or so late because they had gone to the shop or similar but were expected to be home before 4.30
At 13 they were allowed to hang around with friends/go for coffee straight after school but had to be back by 6 (that still gave them over 2 hours with friends) for homework and dinner unless something different was agreed with us

waterrat · 04/09/2024 20:22

Some people can't imagine this level of independence at 11. I can as my 12 year old is allowed to play in the park until dark as its very safe area and not far. In reality it would be very unusual he would be home after abiut 8. Once at secondary and if with friends playing football im fine if I know where he is ....if its still light and sunny I juat prefer he is getting fresh air and exercise after a sedentary school day

British people are obsessed with early bedtime even on beautiful summer evenings. It's so sad i often walk through our local park at abiut 7 in summer ahd the only people about ate dog walkers. All the kids indoors watching tv

Remember when it was Normal to play out til the street lights came on?

This is why we have a childhood MH and obesity crisis

fightingsleepagain · 04/09/2024 20:22

My dd is 9 and has never been out without us unless it's on a pre-planned play at a friends house.
I can't imagine in two years she'll be out until 7pm

Quartz2208 · 04/09/2024 20:21

7pm is too late for me but definitely any later is ridiculous

RainbowSlidders · 04/09/2024 20:20

My 12 year old in year 8 (13 in 3 weeks) had to be home from the park at 6:30pm, including weekends. If she is at a friends house/cinema/bowling obviously allowed later but I drop off and collect.

Yellowbananasarebetterthangreen · 04/09/2024 20:20

What time does she get home from school (assuming she left school and went straight home?)
Assuming she gets finishes at 3:30pm - so maybe gets home at 4? Id say play out/friends until 5pm max. Then homework, dinner, time with family, shower, bed.
Plus one or two evenings a week when she might have evening clubs/sports. I would say zero playing out/friends time after 5pm on school nights tbh. Homework takes priority.

bergamotorange · 04/09/2024 20:19

Where is she and what is she doing?

Paisleydad · 04/09/2024 20:17

She thinks it's unreasonable?

Well, the good news is that you have a perfectly normal 11 year old.

HappyDane · 04/09/2024 20:17

(Didn't mean that to sound harsh, I hasten to add. It's just that children don't know what's best for them - you do. And whether or not she thinks it's unreasonable is neither here nor there)

Propertyladder123 · 04/09/2024 20:16

Yes at that age would expect them in bed much earlier! Far too young to be out wandering/at friends’ houses

NuffSaidSam · 04/09/2024 20:15

7pm is later than I'd allow on a school night at 11.

I'd have her home at 6pm on weeknights. 8/9pm on weekends but only if she was somewhere specific (the cinema/a friend's house etc), not just hanging round the park.

HappyDane · 04/09/2024 20:15

She doesn't get to decide, tbh. And 7 is definitely about right for an 11-year old.

Comedycook · 04/09/2024 20:15

I wouldn't have allowed this at 11. Where is she? What's she doing?

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