Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is genital herpes the end of the world when it comes to dating?

45 replies

hudsonjet · 04/09/2024 19:57

I honestly can't even imagine telling someone I have it.

I don't have many outbreaks, it doesn't affect my life. My ex husband passed it on to me. Whether he knew he had it, I'll never know. But he's slept with many women since we separated. My first outbreak was horrific and I was bed bound for a few weeks. This was 8 years ago and now it doesn't affect me luckily.

But as I am starting to think about dating again, the thought of telling someone I have it fills me with dread.

Any positive stories please? Or just reassurance?

OP posts:
Original poster
hudsonjet · 04/09/2024 21:29

Borninabarn32 · 04/09/2024 21:11

I honestly can't even imagine telling someone I have it.

I obviously misunderstood your first line then.

Edited

My post is pretty clear that I'm worried about telling someone. Not that I am thinking about hiding it. I would never do that. I will 1000% tell whoever it may be if it happens - should be clear enough for you now.

OP posts:
Rosebud21 · 04/09/2024 21:21

There's lots of information, including herpes FAQs, personal stories, a 4-page instructions for ‘Talking to a new partner’ and 2 pages on ‘How to protect my partner (transmission)’, & a private Facebook page in the link below that might be helpful

herpes.org.uk/

eggandchip · 04/09/2024 21:11

Is herpes part of the cold sore family.

Borninabarn32 · 04/09/2024 21:11

I honestly can't even imagine telling someone I have it.

I obviously misunderstood your first line then.

ZoChan · 04/09/2024 20:53

I only ever had one outbreak! And that was the first, never ever had one since. My DH was fine with it, I told him early days of dating.

Original poster
hudsonjet · 04/09/2024 20:35

Thank you to the helpful posters.

It really did knock me for six when I was first diagnosed and I am thankful now it rarely bothers me. If it does then I don't even notice it. So that's a positive.

But there is no way I could keep it to myself. I know I need to be open and honest - and I'd hope that would say a lot about who I am as a person.

Unlike my ex who hasn't told any women that he's slept with that he has it.

OP posts:
LadyMcLadyface · 04/09/2024 20:29

GivingitToGod · 04/09/2024 20:20

Take care OP, u have done nothing wrong and nothing to feel 'dirty ' about. Put that right out of your mind. Take one step at a time, u r not alone

Show quote history

Second this. You are not alone and I'm sorry you've had to suffer with this, after seeing how ill this made my friend I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

LadyMcLadyface · 04/09/2024 20:28

An old friend of mine had this, she caught it from the first person she dated after coming out of a long term relationship with her first (and only previous) partner, like you her first outbreak was horrific and she really suffered with it. The guy she caught it from apparently was asymptomatic and had no idea he had it. In any case this happened about a decade ago and she's happily settled in a new relationship now, I think honesty is the best policy with any prospective new partners and you can find a way to work around it and take certain precautions (e.g. avoiding sexual activity during a flare up etc).

GivingitToGod · 04/09/2024 20:20

hudsonjet · 04/09/2024 20:16

I'd like to think so.

I just can't take anymore hurt off a man again. Plus to actually tell someone I have it makes me feel dirty. Even though you could count the number of men I've slept with on one hand.

Show quote history

Take care OP, u have done nothing wrong and nothing to feel 'dirty ' about. Put that right out of your mind. Take one step at a time, u r not alone

Dramatic · 04/09/2024 20:19

Well I've got face herpes so I wouldn't worry too much, at least yours isn't visible for the world to see.

In all seriousness though my OH has it, didn't put me off at all.

YustroketAlwach · 04/09/2024 20:18

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
hudsonjet · 04/09/2024 20:17

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

No it's not

OP posts:
Original poster
hudsonjet · 04/09/2024 20:16

Didimum · 04/09/2024 20:10

Oh, OP. Hugs. The right man won’t be phased.

I'd like to think so.

I just can't take anymore hurt off a man again. Plus to actually tell someone I have it makes me feel dirty. Even though you could count the number of men I've slept with on one hand.

OP posts:
Wowzel · 04/09/2024 20:13

My DH didn't care... I discovered he had it too!

YustroketAlwach · 04/09/2024 20:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Didimum · 04/09/2024 20:10

Oh, OP. Hugs. The right man won’t be phased.

Original poster
hudsonjet · 04/09/2024 20:06

Borninabarn32 · 04/09/2024 20:05

I think you should tell people. I wouldn't have sex with someone with it and I'd feel violated finding out after the fact that they'd decided not to tell me I could catch something off them.

Read my post. I WOULD tell them.

OP posts:
Borninabarn32 · 04/09/2024 20:05

I think you should tell people. I wouldn't have sex with someone with it and I'd feel violated finding out after the fact that they'd decided not to tell me I could catch something off them.

GuestFeatu · 04/09/2024 20:01

No it's not. I've dated plenty and got married while having it. As long as you don't have contact if you have a sign of an outbreak you and they should be fine.

FuzzyDiva · 04/09/2024 20:00

A quick google says to me that just over 13% of the world’s population has genital herpes which is greater than one in ten. You’re probably likely to chat with others online who are in the same situation.

Swipe left for the next trending thread