To think this comment about women with no female friends is problematic?

There was a period in my early - mid twenties when I had one or two female friends but lots of male friends. I had very stereotypically male hobbies which hardly any women I knew were into, I liked drinking pints and being a bit lairy and I just didn't "click" with many women. Not for want of trying. It changed as I got older and I hardly have any male friends now, but it took me a long time to find my female tribe.

I'm tired reading about who has a problem with what which & blah blah blah.

I think I now take issue with people who make broad statements about having a problem with entire groups of people who they know fuck all about.

it's....high schoolish and cliquey to have more than one friend?

It's just a term, to describe a group of more than two people who are friends. How on EARTH can anyone take exception to that? What collective noun would you use that isn't apparently childish?

@Galadriell "99% of the time I see it used as a slur to try and shutdown women that call out toxic attitudes towards men, which is sadly common amongst a lot of 'feminists'."

That's interesting. For me it means women who collude with men behaving badly, excusing them and minimising their behaviour. I think it's pretty unusual for feminists to have toxic attitudes to men.

Isn't this putting ridiculous pressure on people? We all have different backgrounds. I have no female friends because of emigration and death/drug abuse (on their part). I worked in predominantly female environments and was a carer in my family. Whenever I thought I was friends with a man, as soon as we were tipsy together they'd come on to me, so I became wary of male friendship. Because I'm second generation immigrant, school holidays were visiting family, I didn't build up childhood friendships. Racism played a part and lack of connections.
My sister is finding her friends thin on the ground at 68. Some have moved away, some have died, some have too many health issues to socialise and some still fear Covid.
How do you make friends when you are viewed as a walking red flag and as posters on here show, they don't want randoms at meet ups.

I think that there is a big difference between someone having no friends at all and someone not having women friends. There are some people who don't want friends, but I do think for most of us that's not a good or a happy place to be. Making any sort of judgement based on that is horrible. However, I would want to know more about a woman who had no women friends and especially if they were very open about it.

Hmm, I'm genuinely conflicted about whether I agree.

It's arguably useful to have a phrase to describe women that trample on other women for their own benefit, but 99% of the time I see it used as a slur to try and shutdown women that call out toxic attitudes towards men, which is sadly common amongst a lot of 'feminists'.

I put that in apostrophes because I'm convinced some women aren't so much motivated by a desire to help other women as they are by a desire to hate on men, much like racists love moaning about immigrants (they don't really care about the people whose jobs they claim these people are stealing or about all the money spent on hotels etc).

From my perspective, it's a red flag when a woman says she only gets on with men because women are [insert stereotypes here].

I presume most lesbians gets on with women.

I have a colleague who is a lesbian, gets on well with everyone at work but only has male friends. Do those who see it as a red flag think she's a red flag or is it just straight women?

It doesn’t make you anything other than yourself. This thread is extremely unpleasant to read for some of us.

I don't have any friends so not sure what that makes me.

I think no female friends can be a red flag, but it depends on the situation. Like many on this thread I have ASD and have struggled socially all my life. I have a handful of close female friends (and have lost several what I considered good female friendships as well, I think largely due to me not understanding those pesky social rules!). I don't have any male friends at all, through situation not through active choice. But, say, if I have to go to a social gathering where I don't know many people, I feel easier talking to men than to women, not sure why. Not through conscious decision on my part, but it's been my experience - I think I'm less concerned I may 'mess it up'.

Where I do find it a red flag is where the woman proudly proclaims she gets on much better with men, women are too bitchy, girly, only interested in make-up and prosecco, etc. Again (and I'm probably being a total bitch here), they been young and attractive, and I often wonder what happens as they get older...

I don't have many female friends. Just 1 if you don't count sisters. It's because I spent my formative years being relentlessly bullied, gaslit and catfished by girls/women. So I don't trust them.

It's a pattern of behaviour. Not even just towards me, others too. Look at poor Aubreigh Wyatt. Bullied to the point of suicide by girls who were supposedly her friends.

You see it here too. Massive nasty pile ons over nothing! Men have mostly treated me better and tend to be more straightforward.

@Galadriell "However, it's also a big red flag when women use terminology like handmaiden/pick me/etc. They're almost always sexist, which is ironic as that's what they claim to be against."

I can see why you say that-but there really is a need for a way to describe the sort of women who are described as "handmaidens". It's a form of internalised misogyny that,sadly, does put a brake on feminist progress.

I don't think I've ever met anyone who has said this. My own friends have me, so they have a female friend. I can imagine if you worked in a mainly male environment having male friends. I used to hang out with an male group of friends in my twenties and it did open my eyes to a lot of less desirable behaviour than you would suspect from supposedly nice men. Had lots of female friends since.

I do recall my late husband once asking me whether I fancied "John" from work.

I was in my late 50s and worn out from working and caring. John was in his 20s. DH was only suspicious because he'd had a stroke...

DH and I were both invited to John's wedding.

Hmm, I guess I agree, although a woman that mainly had female friends wouldn't seem as bad, especially if it was down to having 'male' hobbies. We shouldn't have to adhere to female stereotypes.

However, it's also a big red flag when women use terminology like handmaiden/pick me/etc. They're almost always sexist, which is ironic as that's what they claim to be against.

I’m sorry for you too. I was treated very badly when I was younger by friends and stayed in those friendships because I thought that’s how I should be treated. My husband made me see that I’m worth more. Now still worry about things people have said in groups messages or such and how I should behave, it’s really stressful. It’s not that I don’t want the friendships, it’s just the navigating of them is really hard. I’d love some amazing group of close women, a la Sex and the city or whatever, but I think for some of us it will never be.

It’s so hard to hear that people actually view those of us who have struggled with this as being potentially people to avoid though - it means the cycle continues. I hope you find your friendships. Xx

I've always gone with the person, not the gender. I had a period of having more male friends because I worked in a more male environment, but one of my closest friends is a male I met in a less male dominated arena and it was, very simply, because we shared a particular interest nobody else, male or female, in the office did. He has a partner, I have a husband and when we lived close we met up as a four.
What used to piss me off was the assumption (and this WAS always women, I am sorry, but it was) that something was going on. One woman chose to tell my husband that she 'didn't want to cause trouble' but she regularly saw me walking down the road with another man. Husband just said, 'oh, that's x, she works with him, they go the same way home.'
I'd get comments from other women along the lines of, 'does your husband knows about x?'. Well, yes, because he is a friend. I don't hide who my friends are from my husband. Talk about suspicious minds.

I'm sorry. I know just how you feel. The reference to overanalysing makes perfect sense to me.

I was badly bullied by other girls at secondary school. I guess I kept putting my foot in it. I recall that after I was beaten up one time (after I stepped in to protect another girl), the other girls kept their distance because they didn't want to be ostracised or physically hurt. The pupils who were kind to me were some of the boys.

I'm widowed and in my 60s now, so trying not to give a shit about what other people think.

I certainly am not looking for another man, that's for certain.

My sister is in her 70's and has never had one female or male friend since she was 22. I don't know about her teenage years because I am a lot younger than she is and would not have been aware of any friends. She is a miserable cow.

I'm still thinking about this...

Once I was in a school with a mixed staffroom, I generally found it easier to talk to the men.

I'm no beauty: face like a melted welly would describe it, though my husband thought I was "bonny". I just found it easier to speak to men, partly because they didn't spend most of their time talking about their children or grandchildren*. (Though there was some discussion of family, of course.)

My husband always said that I was his best friend. He was certainly mine.

*Yes, that's a sweeping generalisation, I know.

I think it depends on the circumstances. There are some women who have traditionally male hobbies or work in male industries who have more male friends due to their circumstances. Women who reports ongoing difficulties with other women usually have underlying issues or trauma particularly difficult relationship with mother or female figures in the family.