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Original poster

To think you shouldn’t be hassled before a deadline?

37 replies

Rfthyhuj · 04/09/2024 15:37

I’m going away with friends next weekend. We’re splitting the cost of the food. The organiser asked for the money to be transferred by Friday this week. Yesterday I received a message from her asking if I got the message and would I transfer it. I was in a meeting so ignored it for another hour or so, by which time I, along with two others, had been tagged in the group chat reminding us we need to pay. That was followed by messages about feeling stressed because she doesn’t know how much money she’ll end up with.

It’s really irked me. Why say by Friday if they’re going to start hassling on Tuesday? It was like being accused of not paying up on time when I still had ages

OP posts:
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Original poster
Rfthyhuj · 04/09/2024 20:03

AngelinaFibres · 04/09/2024 17:25

One of the most important things in life is to pay what you owe before the person you owe it to ever has to ask. It's basic good manners.

Okay, but how is that relevant?

OP posts:
Changingplace · 04/09/2024 17:56

AngelinaFibres · 04/09/2024 17:25

One of the most important things in life is to pay what you owe before the person you owe it to ever has to ask. It's basic good manners.

It’s also basic good manners not to hound people in the middle of the working day when the only deadline that’s been given is one of your own making and has not been missed.

DaniMontyRae · 04/09/2024 17:43

Mrsttcno1 · 04/09/2024 16:47

But she didn’t say “pay on Friday”, she said “pay BY Friday”.

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And Tuesday is a long way before Friday. There was 3 days to go.

Pomegranatecarnage · 04/09/2024 17:39

YANBU. She should have set an earlier deadline if she was going to get stressed about it. I’d have to set her straight on that.

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 04/09/2024 17:39

Rfthyhuj · 04/09/2024 15:52

I’m not particular grateful. It’s to celebrate her life event and it’s cost me a fortune. I’m going because I want to make the effort to celebrate but I barely know anyone. I’m going out of a sense of obligation.

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You should pull out. You're going to put a dampner on the whole thing.

SmileyHappyPeopleInTheSun · 04/09/2024 17:35

AngelinaFibres · 04/09/2024 17:25

One of the most important things in life is to pay what you owe before the person you owe it to ever has to ask. It's basic good manners.

I'd agree but if I'm asked for payment by Friday - I have Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday all day to pay till I'm actually late.

TBH I'd probably do it Wednesday and expect reminders not to start till Thursday.

Op thought she had till Friday to pay because that is what she was told then got a series of messages on Tuesday in work hours asking for payment.

This is partly why she is upset - she had plenty of time to pay still with stated deadline but was made to feel bad because she was suddenly being chased early with no acknowledgement that the deadline had suddenly been moved forward.

AngelinaFibres · 04/09/2024 17:25

One of the most important things in life is to pay what you owe before the person you owe it to ever has to ask. It's basic good manners.

SmileyHappyPeopleInTheSun · 04/09/2024 17:18

Maybe she wants to order a click and collect and needs to know what to order?

Why didn't she explain that - with an apology that she needed money sooner than she originally said.

Saying by Friday and expecting people in middle of working day Tuesday to ASAP get money to her - is just poor communication and very annoying to be on receiving end of.

SquigglePigs · 04/09/2024 17:15

That sort of thing drives me nuts. People at work do it all the time. YANBU!

circular1985 · 04/09/2024 17:11

Maybe she wants to order a click and collect and needs to know what to order? Have you agreed an amount? X

SmileyHappyPeopleInTheSun · 04/09/2024 17:06

But she didn’t say “pay on Friday”, she said “pay BY Friday”.

With that I'd probably plan to pay Wednesday or if back transfer Thursday evening as it goes straight though but I wouldn't interpret that as needing to pay on Tuesday -when OP was at work.

So I'd be annoyed to get multiple messages conveying idea I was late paying and that I need to drop everything and sort money out immediately for her when her stated deadline was days away.

Changingplace · 04/09/2024 16:58

Mrsttcno1 · 04/09/2024 16:47

But she didn’t say “pay on Friday”, she said “pay BY Friday”.

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And it’s Wednesday, so she shouldn’t be hassling anyone about it right now.

AuntieJoyce · 04/09/2024 16:49

I’m with you OP. If she needed to go shopping with it on Friday she should’ve asked for it by the end of Thursday and then maybe send a polite prompt at some point on Thursday afternoon to say just a reminder if you’ve not sent me over please could you send me over by the end of today thank you

Mrsttcno1 · 04/09/2024 16:47

Changingplace · 04/09/2024 16:38

The organiser should’ve asked for the money earlier then, it’s silly to say Friday when she really meant Wednesday, people aren’t mind readers.

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But she didn’t say “pay on Friday”, she said “pay BY Friday”.

midgetastic · 04/09/2024 16:45

Agreed it's daft to set a deadline and then expect people to realise that you didn't mean that at all but wanted asap and before Friday at the absolute latest

Changingplace · 04/09/2024 16:40

Rfthyhuj · 04/09/2024 15:55

Why does it matter when it’s sent as long as it’s before the deadline?

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I agree with you, if she actually wanted it earlier she should’ve asked for it earlier, I’d be irritated too being chased for something olive been told isn’t needed until Friday.

Changingplace · 04/09/2024 16:38

Mrsttcno1 · 04/09/2024 15:58

Saves the organiser worrying about last min drop outs and people not paying. You already said she is shopping on Friday, if she waits until then to chase payments it becomes a stress to sort last minute.

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The organiser should’ve asked for the money earlier then, it’s silly to say Friday when she really meant Wednesday, people aren’t mind readers.

longdistanceclaraclara · 04/09/2024 16:35

What's the point in having a deadline if you are going to chase before it. Makes no sense.

SmileyHappyPeopleInTheSun · 04/09/2024 16:10

Why say by Friday if they’re going to start hassling on Tuesday? It was like being accused of not paying up on time when I still had ages

No idea.

It's like when you have to go through prolong process to pick delivery day - even sometimes paying more for that - only for them to delivery earlier then act surprised you aren't pleased even if you aren't there to take it ( happened this weekend could have been a disaster).

If she wanted money earlier she could have said - or if it was a later realisation - sorry guys can I get you all to pay asap or by Wednesday as just realised need to know amount by Friday to plan shopping - any issues get in touch with me.

Chonk · 04/09/2024 16:05

Rfthyhuj · 04/09/2024 15:50

I thumbs upped it.

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As you acknowledged the request YANBU.

Original poster
Rfthyhuj · 04/09/2024 16:00

Mrsttcno1 · 04/09/2024 15:58

Saves the organiser worrying about last min drop outs and people not paying. You already said she is shopping on Friday, if she waits until then to chase payments it becomes a stress to sort last minute.

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We’ve paid hundreds to go. No one’s going to drop out over the £10 for food.

OP posts:
REP22 · 04/09/2024 16:00

I'd have found this annoying too, OP. If she wants the money in advance, just ask for it by Wednesday or whatever day. The only time I've prompted people for something like this has been when the deadline has passed and the funds haven't appeared.

Possibly she's desperate for the money in advance so she's not out of pocket for the shopping, but she could have mitigated against this by asking for an earlier deadline. She didn't. She said "by Friday". YANBU.

Mrsttcno1 · 04/09/2024 15:58

Rfthyhuj · 04/09/2024 15:55

Why does it matter when it’s sent as long as it’s before the deadline?

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Saves the organiser worrying about last min drop outs and people not paying. You already said she is shopping on Friday, if she waits until then to chase payments it becomes a stress to sort last minute.

Wwyd2025 · 04/09/2024 15:56

I would of replied have you got your days mixed up you said Friday?

I would be annoyed if you've already paid quite a bit towards this life event of theirs.

Original poster
Rfthyhuj · 04/09/2024 15:55

Mrsttcno1 · 04/09/2024 15:55

I don’t know why you wouldn’t have just paid as soon as she sent the message to be honest

Why does it matter when it’s sent as long as it’s before the deadline?

OP posts: