To ask for your ideas for “date nights” without babysitting?

I don't know what your work situation is like but DH and I both have flexi time, so we use our flexi leave allowance to take an afternoon off together maybe once or twice a month and go for a long lunch.

Otherwise, similar to PPs - get some nice food in, or sometimes order takeaway from a restaurant, and some wine and create a date night atmosphere. Low lighting, candles, music. No TV or phones allowed. If you have outside space and the weather is ok then use it - fire pit or chiminea if you have one, etc. We also play cards or chess, and we have Mario Kart competitions sometimes 😆

Bear with me on this bit I have found going to bed a bit early with a brand new audiobook that we are both interested in, has been revolutionary for my marriage. He was apprehensive and rolled his eyes a bit but by the 4th night it was just routine. We only listen to the book together in bed, no sneaky catch ups etc. we just cuddle up with the lights off and get told a story. We both look forward to bed now and are much much more cuddly/intimate and have a lot more to talk about and it's happened organically. We both make suggestions for authors or books and tend to favour murder mysteries/police procedural etc but also mix it up a bit with the odd book with a bit of raunchiness.

We pick something fancy to make together, walk to a local wine bar and pick a nice bottle to have at home, or make cocktails and listen to music while chatting. Even in the winter it can be nice to sit on the patio with a drink. A bath together.
Anything that mixes it up from sobbing on the sofa on our phones!

I would really work on the 7 year old going to bed. So you can get babysitters. Even if it's once a month.
Would it really hurt even if he didn't go to bed until you're back if it's on a weekend?

When you say your seven- year-old “is not falling asleep without us so far,” do you mean that he won’t fall asleep unless you’re right there next to him, or that he won’t fall asleep unless he knows you’re in the house?

We did similar a while ago and tried a chocolate tasting class (with kids) online, and a cocktail making class (without kids!) online once they were in bed.
we used to book one lunch a month and meet for a 2 hour lunch break-we’d actually have a bit of an agenda to talk thru too!

we really need to get back into too actually!

We got a Spicery subscription. Once a month they send you all the spices and recipe cards to make a curry and various trimmings. We then have a night once the kids go to bed where we open a bottle of wine, potter round the kitchen cooking together and then eat a meal.

You don't have to be Gordon Ramsay to get decent results and it feels a little bit different and gets us chatting and off our phones (which we both end up doing while we have a movie night or whatever).

Also, and this might not be in the spirit of things, because they send one once a month if they start to stockpile in the cupboard it's a bit of a gentle reminder we're due a date night (although because you buy the fresh ingredients yourself when you're ready you're not pressured to do it immediately like you would be with Hello Fresh or whatever).

PS - if babysitting is rare, do not waste it on the cinema, an activity where you can't talk to each other!

On Saturday nights we get a good bottle of wine, fancy cheese and cold meats and dips, etc, and set ourselves up as if we were out at our favourite local wind bar. (So we have yummy food by no cooking and very little cleaning up.) We dress nicely and listen to music and chat all evening. No looking at phones (except to periodically change the Spotify playlist), no TV. Sometimes I wonder what we will have to talk about but actually once you get into the flow there is lots, and you remember why you thought the other person was good enough company to marry in the first place!

Now we are at the point that if one of us heard something interesting on the radio or had an interesting chat with someone at work or whatever, we save the things up to tell each other about properly on Saturday nights rather than just a short garbled story during a typical weeknight.

Go out for lunch? That's what we do!

Not sure if this is your thing, but we got some painting-by-number kits (detailed ones, designed for adults) and sometimes after DD went to bed we'd light a candle, get the kettle on and sit together at the table doing our painting. It led to some really nice conversations and time spent together.

I think a good walk is an underrated activity - woods/beach/hills depending on what's accessible. With a picnic or a pub lunch.

Sea/wild swimming if available.

Poker night at home.

Kitchen disco.

Shared bath/shower.

Sex.