To ask for your ideas for “date nights” without babysitting?

Take a day and go for lunch somewhere when the kids are at school.
Make something together for dinner in the evening. Nice bottle of wine or whatever you're into.
Cosy up under a blanket and watch a film.
A bath or shower together.
Play a game.
Snuggle in bed and just be with each other.

Perhaps instigate a regular screen free evening. Get a hello fresh box or a take away or something that means you can enjoy a more special meal than the usual with less washing up. Then do a shared activity like

• board games
• jigsaw puzzles
• a puzzmat (it's like an at home escape room style puzzle experience)
• a sculpd kit
• read eachother a story (sounds cringe but it can be fun, take it in turns to read chapters
• try things like dressing up for dinner, lightning candles
• do the '36 questions which may lead to love'
• get a baking kit (https://cakeordeath.co.uk/products/bake-at-home-cookies?awc=27237_1725480743_3d5bb0bb432d73d56beb0e38e920193b)
• or an arty date night in a box (rb.gy/yk9xfo)
• keep an eye out for meteor showers and spend an evening snuggled up with hot drinks and blankets star gazing

Lots you can do without needing to go out!

*Circle of Mums

Totally agree!

We also had reciprocal babysitting which was paid for with curtain rings in a chicke of Mums. This was the 80s/90s. So couple 1 Dad would stay in with their kids, Mum would babysit for couple 2. They'd pay Mum from couple 1 with a curtain ring that she could then spend on a babysit from someone else. Worked brilliantly and the kids loved it as they knew the babysitter as their friend's Mum. 😊😊

Friday nights is music nights for us. We take it in turns to pick the tracks and have several hours of just music, living room dancing, conversaion or sometimes just silience whilst we listen to the music, few drinks and some nice food. The rest of the week we're off in our own intrests or watching tv not spending time together but in the same house.

Loving this thread - thank you!

What a lovely thread! Planning a future day out in enough detail, so it can be realistically followed and done for real, is a good way to come out of the everyday stress and have something to look forward to.

Can I suggest something? I’m a grandmother now but when my DC were the age of the OP’s children I needed childcare. Along came Ruth, a retired lady who wanted so much to be a DGM but her sons weren’t ready plus they lived hundreds of miles away.
Ruth was experienced, patient, kind, reliable, knew the importance of mum and dad needing time together and she loved my DC. They loved her too, and had so much fun with her. Now I’m her age and would be happy with a bit of help with technology, the lawn mowing - you get my drift - rather than money. Not all babysitters have to be teenagers.

We do similar but with "Exit" puzzle games. They are escape rooms in a box and you get a spooky soundtrack on an app.

https://www.board-game.co.uk/product/exit-the-return-to-the-abandoned-cabin/

Glass of whisky, Bob's your mother's brother. I prefer it to the pub.

We both work from home so every lunch time we go for a walk. It's only half an hour or so but we chat about all sorts and get some fresh air.

If the kids are busy on the weekend we go for a hour

We bought a "solve the crime" kit!

It comes with evidence, witness statements and bits and bobs and you have to work out who did it.

We've done them before with a takeaway and a glass of wine each when baby is in bed and it's been lovely.

We try to take a day off while the kids are at school/nursery and go out for lunch to circumvent the babysitting issues (and cost!).

If not we get a nice takeaway but have a rule of not eating it in-front of the tv so we make sure we chat, listen to music etc.

We also enjoy a game of scrabble (Friday nights have really changed since we had kids 😂).

We did a Zoom wine tasting and it was great! They post you a box of wine samples then you log on to Zoom and the expert takes you through how to taste wine properly and discusses the flavours with you. It was so much fun!

The one we did was Wine tasting with Gilbert Winfield which cost £60 https://www.winfieldwines.co.uk/product-page/the-quarantine-wine-tasting

There’s also a version for £30 where you get the same wines with a pre recorded video to listen to.
https://www.winfieldwines.co.uk/product-page/wine-styles-virtual-wine-tasting

Too late to edit but by ‘read it together’ I mean on commute and in the evenings to try and cut down on the addictive scroll!

We’ve started a couple book club. Every month we take turns to pick a book, buy it on Kindle, read it together, and then the last Saturday of the month we get a takeaway or an M&S dine in for 2 (depending on finances) and chat about the book.

I feel your pain, we have a 4 and 2 and I can count on one hand how much free babysitting we’ve had in that time. And with two nursery bills to pay, paying £50 babysitting on top of a £50 night out just isn’t doable.

DH and I like to cook together. Set the table nicely, light a candle, open the wine and enjoy.

We also do genealogy together sometimes then have cheese and champagne afterwards.

We like to play Yahtzee or watch a blue ray together.

Go for a short walk to the park with dogs and buy hot chocolate.

Go for a walk, pub lunch out, walk a bit more to digest food.

Go for a walk and buy an ice-cream. Just chat and hold hands.

We have a Sunday board game night with some wine after the kids are in bed - but that's probably a bit of an investment: we've always liked board games so have a decent collection!
We sometimes also just don't watch TV on a Saturday and chat with some music on instead.

Lunch out and a walk if that’s possible, also once the children are in bed turn the TV off. Have dinner together, either a fancy meal you want something like a charcuterie board- as fancy or not as time allows but different enough to feel special. Then an early night or a shared bath.

My parents used to do this most Saturday nights by the time we were that sort of age.

We'd have a light tea (like boiled eggs) and normally go off to our rooms, and do things quietly. Sometimes we went together, sometimes separately. I loved the peaceful time.

Then my parents would cook themselves a meal of things they thought of as being more adult. Something like half a grapefruit, followed by fried trout, and a shop bought cake and wine.
As I got older, I sometimes volunteered to wash up, and would pinch bits. 🤣

Loved our Saturday nights.

This is also probably a bit sad but the background music we like is the Bridgerton style covers of pop songs. If you search "string quartet modern covers" on Spotify there are absolutely loads. It's quite good fun putting that on in the background and every so often trying to name the tune 🤣

This is so nerdy haha but we love puzzle night. My mum got us a 5000 piece puzzle made of our engagement photo so that was nice to do. With a bottle of wine obvs and a nice pizza. Paint and sip nights are so good too- if you're not artsy get a cheap paint by numbers online and a bottle of wine again, crisps, chocolate, music - especially if it's an artist you both like!

We go for breakfast together if he's off work. We're home for the kids and don't need to ask family to babysit so it works out well. Or we have drinks and a takeaway, listen to music and talk.

Every Friday night once the children are in bed we have a glass of wine or a gin and tonic in the living room and just sit and talk together. Candles lit, music in the background. It's our time to chill and catch up. Although I'm loving the suggestion from a PP about adding in cheese and nibbles.... I may steal that idea!

We also struggle for evening babysitters but we try to organise a day of annual leave together every so often when the children are both at school. We normally drop DDs off, go to a café and have a coffee and read our books, drive out somewhere for a pretty walk and have a long pub lunch then be back in time to pick the children up from school at 3.15pm. It does mean that DDs have to go to holiday club a few more days in the summer holidays as DH and I have used three days of annual leave each to have date days! But I see that as an investment in our relationship and well worth it.