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Original poster

Struggling with financial discussions

31 replies

Newagestage · 04/09/2024 11:43

Hi all,
Hoping for some advice, I know this has been done to death but I want to make sure I am fair in what I'm saying, happy to be told I am wrong.
I work 3 days a week at reduced hours, this is so I am available to collect our daughter from nursery, two days a week I am home with her. My husband works 5 days a week full time and sometimes 6 days. We don't have joint finances, we have been splitting the bills in line with how much of the joint income we supply ie I earn 25% of our overall income and he earns the rest.
I am finding it extremely difficult to discuss finances or any changes with him as he gets quite defensive and for some reason thinks things are unfair, but I am finding it very unfair, I have no money at the end of the month, what I earn in a week he earns in one day. Looking for advice on how to handle these discussions.

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 04/09/2024 12:55

I'm in favour of splitting pro rata so would frame it as you wanting to earn more money and the changes you both need to make for that to happen. Rather than you wanting more of his. If I was him working 6 days to your 2ish and spending far less time with my child, that would piss me off too 🤷🏻‍♂️

MintyNew · 04/09/2024 12:45

Tbf if I was working 6 days a week I would be feeling very unhappy too. Maybe you need to pick up a day and he drop a day so that it balances out? How old is your dd?

Paisleydad · 04/09/2024 12:36

rollypanda · 04/09/2024 12:29

Why are so many men like this? Awful. All the money is family money if you start a family. You're working 24/7, he's just working full time.

Sorry you have to put up with this. Are you married?

You might need to squirrel away as much money as you can and get him to pay as much as possible.

To be fair, there have been instances of women being the major earner (but TBH, the men in the scenarios often sound a little spineless). (Possible exclusions for SAHDs).

rollypanda · 04/09/2024 12:29

Why are so many men like this? Awful. All the money is family money if you start a family. You're working 24/7, he's just working full time.

Sorry you have to put up with this. Are you married?

You might need to squirrel away as much money as you can and get him to pay as much as possible.

Paisleydad · 04/09/2024 12:29

This is a nightmare to resolve - and we see it played out here daily.

I don't understand why people living together and consider themselves to be partners (married or otherwise) aren't confident and committed enough to combine all resources and take joint responsibility for all joint income and expenditure.

I've been married twice. Joint accounts, equal shares, responsibilities. My earnings were always the higher, but all the more reason to play fair, surely?

48Hourss · 04/09/2024 12:19

Is there more context? Why does he find it unfair? What is the balance of chores like etc?