Savings for children differences

Sorry that was confusing... I meant shift the standing order into the kids account away from the joint account - so the money comes out of her own personal account not the joint account with SDCs dad. Essentially so the joint DCs money comes from their mum not their mum and dad...

The amount he can afford should be split 4 ways and equally across his children.

Anything else makes him a shitty dad.

If you put in £80 and him £20, therefore saving £100, he split thst £20 between his 4 kids i.e. he should put in £5 each.

@Bedheadready Could your husband afford to pay half the amount that you jointly pay into your child's account into a savings account for each of his other children?

For example, if you're currently paying £100 per month from your joint account into your child's ISA, arguably you're paying £50 per month each. So could he afford to pay £50 per month for his other children?

Or is the reality that it is coming from your joint account but you are financing it all?

Then he needs to split what he can afford across all of them, even if that means your child getting less from him

As he's reducing hours to support you then it's fair that you contribute.

I think they should have savings too. Whether you contribute to that is up to you and your partner. He made the decision to have this many kids - he needs to treat them all properly.

I initially thought YANBU but then after your update I think YABU. Your husband is reducing his hours to support your higher paid career, if a woman here did that she would be told her DH should be contributing to her DCs savings.

Do you both pay all your salary into one account? And your joint DC savings come from this? It would perhaps be more sensible for you to have your own accounts with amounts % to your earnings going into a joint account for bills. Then your DH can save for his DC from what he has left.

aibu to think we should open something for them too or is it just life.

That's just life. If your husband wants his children to have an Isa then him and his ex should arrange one.

You can't just shift money to a parent account. The reason people have children's accounts is because of tax savings limits and tax benefits. Just tell the older kids that the savings came from you, their mother. If they even ask or notice at all.

There are other ways to be supportive of step children than financially. Not everything can be equal. I say this as the wife of a step child.

Given the update about DH earning less to support your career I definately think something along this line is important.

If your husband has to reduce his hours and income so facilitate your higher income then you could set up an account for his children and contribute from the joint account. In genrls I don't think this is a step-parents responsibility but there are caveats.

It sounds to me like tou think you should do something but DH is less enthusiastic?

Here is what I would do...

Assuming your dc1 is 2 so 24 monthly payments made =£2400.
I'm assuming your £30k comes from a £100 a month payment.
Nominally this is £50 from you and £50 from DH. This give your current child £1200 from each of you.

I would get DH to set up ISAs for his other two and IF you can afford it deposit £1200 each. This brings them up to speed with your existing child. I'm assuming you'd need to help fund this. If it's not possible then start afresh now.

You/DH appear to be able to afford to up the payments to £200 to include the new dc, but DH cannot add another £200 for his dc? So I would have DH put £25 each into the 4 ISAs, you do your £50 into each of your 2 (making it up to £75 as originally planned if you wish/can afford it.) It means you are funding your DC more than DH, but it means DHs Available funds are split faily between his DC.

However if you DH does not want to do this... that is also his choice... family relationships can be difficult. Maybe the ISA isn't the right account given the ownership at 18, maybe another account is better?

Why is he reducing hours for your promotion? It does look like you want everything to be "yours" so that he doesn't have to pay out as much for his older children. It really isn't their fault that he's gone off with another woman, and a decent person would make small steps to ensure they don't suffer because of it. I hope you encourage him to keep maintenance money the same and based on this update, I think all kids should get the same amount from your joint account.

If he is reducing his work commitments to support your career then I think as a couple you should make some stab at saving for his children.

I don't necessarily think you should aim to save the same amount for them as your joint children at 18 but some provision should be made for them.

If this situation was reversed "i'm reducing my work commitments to support my high earning second DHbut he will only contribute to our joint children's savings accounts. I can't afford to save now for the children from my previous relationship what should I do". I think the answer would be he needs to contribute, don't drop hours and make him cover the additional child care costs or LTB.

If he's contributing to your children's savings at all then his contribution should be split 4 ways equally between all children, even if that means they get a fiver or a tenner each.

Not everyone can afford to put money away for the children which seems to be your DH's case. If you are the one saving for your child then I can't see any reason for DH's children to think it's unfair. If he is paying he should divide that sum between all his children, it's just the decent thing to do.

Does your DH actually contribute to your DC savings OP, or is this money you choose to save for your DC from your salary? If DH doesn't save for any of his DC then there is your answer. You are wisely choosing to save for your DC. It doesn't mean you should have to save for your DH DC with his ex. That would be up to his ex to do.

It sounds to me like DH doesn't earn as much as OP and she puts money away for her DC from her salary. DH may spend all his money on day to day living and child maintenance to his ex for their DC. He may not earn much so nothing left to save from his salary for any DC.

His contributions for your shared DC should be split equally by the amount of DC that he has.

Yes, your DC will get more in the end but it's not for you to contribute towards his DC.

Your shared DC will get less but this is just another blended family thing that you have to negotiate.

Surely whatever he CAN afford to save for his children, whether that's £100pw or £10, should be split between all 4.

He should be putting aside for all his children. Whatever is his contribution to the savings should be the same for all of his children.

Anything is better than nothing. If he could make a sacrifice to save even £10 a week for each child, at least then they will have £5k or so each in 10 years. He can't compare it to your joint child as you have a difference in income.

It is just about him splitting. So for example he gives £25 to each child and you pay more for your two. He does not need to communicate with the ex about it, he can just save on his own.