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Original poster

Refugees "visiting home"

412 replies

Notanotherkendoll · 04/09/2024 09:03

I'm not sure how I feel after this conversation with a friend so would like to hear other opinions.
My friend took in a Ukrainian refugee back in 2022, she was a 18/19 year old teenager. She didn't stay for long before getting employment/started studying and was able to move out but they have remained in touch and my friend sort of views herself as the girls "uk mum".
Anyway friend is once again beside herself as she has gone back to Kyiv for a few days. This isn't the city she is from but sadly the city she was from was under siege for sometime and is now mostly destroyed. She is going to visit her family who all moved to Kyiv, as the only girl her family pushed her to flee when the war started but her mum stayed put.

This has me thinking, surely if it is safe enough for her to return home to visit, it's safe enough for her to move back? I thought the whole point of being a refugee was that your own country wasn't safe, if you are going back to visit how can that be the case?

AIBU to think it's incompatible with the very nature of being a refugee to be able to visit home?

OP posts:
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15
Newgreendress · 04/09/2024 18:03

twodowntwotogo · 04/09/2024 18:01

Nope! Just people with some knowledge of the world and a bit of perspective

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Their "knowledge of the world" looks one-sided

twodowntwotogo · 04/09/2024 18:01

Newgreendress · 04/09/2024 17:03

It seems lots of ukrainian wives on this tread

Nope! Just people with some knowledge of the world and a bit of perspective

Newgreendress · 04/09/2024 18:01

twodowntwotogo · 04/09/2024 18:00

How do you know?

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Tell me other options

DodoTired · 04/09/2024 18:00

timenowplease · 04/09/2024 11:46

It has nothing to do with 'the law'. People fleeing to other countries because of war are called refugees. They don't need any paperwork or application to be called that - that's what they are.

In any case, that's what we've been calling them, that's what the government's been calling them and that's what the main stream media's been calling them.

Is this a bit like the Covid shot? We never made you have it! We never said it would stop you getting it! We never said it would stop transmission! We never said it was perfectly safe!

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That’s not what we or the government was calling Ukranians. They have a different status than refugees who seek asylum here.

twodowntwotogo · 04/09/2024 18:00

Newgreendress · 04/09/2024 17:31

I neither judge nor blame anyone for the choices they make, but that man didn't leave 'his wealthy life for chicken hut of a house in the UK', he run away from having to defend his country, didn't he?

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How do you know?

KylieAndBaby01 · 04/09/2024 17:36

Newgreendress · 04/09/2024 17:24

I've heard they can buy themselves out for $1,000 bribe, quite believable

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i Don’t even know if it’s a he, that poster didn’t say the gender

DoodleLady · 04/09/2024 17:36

Newgreendress · 04/09/2024 17:31

I neither judge nor blame anyone for the choices they make, but that man didn't leave 'his wealthy life for chicken hut of a house in the UK', he run away from having to defend his country, didn't he?

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So what if he did? I would do the same and so would many given the opportunity. The men who stayed when they had the choice to leave (not many - the ban on men leaving came very quickly) may be especially brave. But I don’t think many of us on this thread would be keen on facing down the Russians.

Anonym00se · 04/09/2024 17:33

AgileGreenSeal · 04/09/2024 16:55

Not making a value judgement either way but just wanting to gauge opinions-

“Would I return to a war torn country to visit my husband, sons, brothers, mother, etc. Absolutely…”

would you take your four year old daughter with you?

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I wouldn’t, personally. I would if it were just me. Our guest has never been home, and says she won’t go back until the war is over. Her son is really missing his Grandad, they were very close. My husband offered to fly with him to Poland to meet up with Grandad for a visit and she won’t allow him to go there. She says it’s “too close”. She is very deeply traumatised.

Newgreendress · 04/09/2024 17:31

herecomesautumn · 04/09/2024 17:26

@Newgreendress There are plenty people who are rich and intelligent also fighting.

It's criminal but I don't blame people for being scared.

The behaviour of the invading murderers is beyond the comprehension of most normal people.

I neither judge nor blame anyone for the choices they make, but that man didn't leave 'his wealthy life for chicken hut of a house in the UK', he run away from having to defend his country, didn't he?

AgnesX · 04/09/2024 17:28

What a dreadful thing to think. Consider yourself fortunate that your nice safe country isn't at war, or being bombed or annihilated.

Mean minded doesn't begin to cover it.

herecomesautumn · 04/09/2024 17:26

@Newgreendress There are plenty people who are rich and intelligent also fighting.

It's criminal but I don't blame people for being scared.

The behaviour of the invading murderers is beyond the comprehension of most normal people.

Glitterblue · 04/09/2024 17:25

amigafan2003 · 04/09/2024 09:11

"surely if it is safe enough for her to return home to visit, it's safe enough for her to move back?"

How heartless can you be?

There is a difference between being safe enough for a visit and safe enough to live in permanently.

Exactly. Think what these people are going through - have some compassion! Try putting yourself in their position, either sending your daughter away to strangers in another country, or being that daughter.

Newgreendress · 04/09/2024 17:24

KylieAndBaby01 · 04/09/2024 17:20

Easy to judge from the comfort of our couches. Easy to sit in the safety of our homes and demand someone goes die

plenty poor people left, so why shouldn’t he?

with this logic let’s judge all the other refugees and women who left and left people behind to fight. Who am I to judge someone scared of being killed

anyway, Ukraine banned men from leaving unless they are single fathers, under 18, over 65 or have serious health problems, so op could be lying

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I've heard they can buy themselves out for $1,000 bribe, quite believable

herecomesautumn · 04/09/2024 17:22

Igotjelly · 04/09/2024 17:16

I have several Ukrainian friends and to a person they’re deeply patriotic and would return to Ukraine in a heartbeat but it simply isn’t safe right now for them or their families. Many of them have male family members fighting for their right to do exactly that.

How about instead of picking fault with people fleeing their homes we take issue with the Russian animals who are killing/maiming and raping Ukrainian civilians?

You need to watch your language.

Some posters get awfully upset when you call the russians out for their behaviour.

KylieAndBaby01 · 04/09/2024 17:20

Newgreendress · 04/09/2024 17:17

And he left 'poor and stupid' people; to fight on his behalf and for him?

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Easy to judge from the comfort of our couches. Easy to sit in the safety of our homes and demand someone goes die

plenty poor people left, so why shouldn’t he?

with this logic let’s judge all the other refugees and women who left and left people behind to fight. Who am I to judge someone scared of being killed

anyway, Ukraine banned men from leaving unless they are single fathers, under 18, over 65 or have serious health problems, so op could be lying

Timeheals · 04/09/2024 17:17

It isn’t safe for her to visit home. She is putting herself at great risk doing so but the risk is one she is willing to take to see her family who are living under extreme threat. What standard should be put on refugees if not a war torn country still under constant attack?

Newgreendress · 04/09/2024 17:17

KylieAndBaby01 · 04/09/2024 17:15

Yeah because he is scared of dying like any of us, just like any other refugees, that’s a good reason, don’t you think

hes allowed to be scared just like a woman might be

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And he left 'poor and stupid' people; to fight on his behalf and for him?

IncessantNameChanger · 04/09/2024 17:16

OP it's not safe, trust me. I have a close relative working out there. Indirectly for NATO. He obviously can't fly and out. No one can. It's not like popping over to Paris

Igotjelly · 04/09/2024 17:16

I have several Ukrainian friends and to a person they’re deeply patriotic and would return to Ukraine in a heartbeat but it simply isn’t safe right now for them or their families. Many of them have male family members fighting for their right to do exactly that.

How about instead of picking fault with people fleeing their homes we take issue with the Russian animals who are killing/maiming and raping Ukrainian civilians?

KylieAndBaby01 · 04/09/2024 17:15

Newgreendress · 04/09/2024 17:13

Well, for one, he fled the country so he doesn't need to fight

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Yeah because he is scared of dying like any of us, just like any other refugees, that’s a good reason, don’t you think

hes allowed to be scared just like a woman might be

KylieAndBaby01 · 04/09/2024 17:14

Newgreendress · 04/09/2024 17:05

Lets not pretend many many many uikrainians were desperate to leave the country, for Poland for example, long before the war, it's just now they have open doors to EU

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I was talking about that persons wealthy neighbour driving a Lexus

wealthy people are not desperate to leave for no good reason, they are fine in their own country

Newgreendress · 04/09/2024 17:13

KylieAndBaby01 · 04/09/2024 17:09

Sure, poor ukrainians, ukrainians after Soviet Union fell, ukrainians from the Donbass area where they had war since 2014, but we are talking about this wealthy guy who owns a Lexus

wealthy Ukrainians driving Lexuses were not desperate to start over and become cleaners in Poland cmon

and from those I know, many want to go back and have already left and moved back e.g my friends aunt in Poland

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Well, for one, he fled the country so he doesn't need to fight

KylieAndBaby01 · 04/09/2024 17:09

Newgreendress · 04/09/2024 17:05

Lets not pretend many many many uikrainians were desperate to leave the country, for Poland for example, long before the war, it's just now they have open doors to EU

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Sure, poor ukrainians, ukrainians after Soviet Union fell, ukrainians from the Donbass area where they had war since 2014, but we are talking about this wealthy guy who owns a Lexus

wealthy Ukrainians driving Lexuses were not desperate to start over and become cleaners in Poland cmon

and from those I know, many want to go back and have already left and moved back e.g my friends aunt in Poland

Newgreendress · 04/09/2024 17:05

KylieAndBaby01 · 04/09/2024 16:43

Yeah I’m sure this wealthy guy left his gorgeous much nicer fancy massive house in Ukraine, his fancy toys, luxury life, fancy great job and home country where he was very comfortable and well off with his loved ones and friends around to move to shitty weather cost of living crisis foreign country to live in a tiny uk house crowded with a bunch of stranger room mates who make sad faces and offer charity, and be surrounded by neighbours like you to judge his situation, because he wanted to/his will

I’m sure he just dreamed to downgrade his lifestyle, not like he had no choice

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Lets not pretend many many many uikrainians were desperate to leave the country, for Poland for example, long before the war, it's just now they have open doors to EU

KylieAndBaby01 · 04/09/2024 17:05

dyzzie · 04/09/2024 11:46

I do wonder about how hard-up financially and 'fleeing war' some of the Ukrainians that have come over are. One lives in my street drives a fancy Lexus .. under the homes for Ukrainian scheme. Doesn't seem to work and has a nice free place to live.. I do think some are taking advantage perhaps not necessary as clearly he has a good extra income. Not 'refugee bashing' but just a valid observation

Being rich doesn’t make you immortal!!!!